


if i were to flip a coin

by ayainu, blue_bun_icecream



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tokyo Ghoul, Blood and Injury, Cannibalism, Enemies to Lovers, Eye Trauma, Fade to Black, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Ghoul!Akiren, Goro Akechi is a mess, Investigator!Akechi, M/M, Morally Gray!Phantom Thieves, Ren Amamiya is a Mess but just better at hiding it, Suicide mention, background makoann and implied ryuharu, light body horror, they're gonna be murder bfs by the end of this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:15:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 65,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26234755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayainu/pseuds/ayainu, https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_bun_icecream/pseuds/blue_bun_icecream
Summary: Everything was finally falling into place for Rank One intel investigator Goro Akechi. Following the capture of the most wanted ghoul in the entirety of Tokyo, he was sure it won’t be much longer until it was all worth it.Things are not that simple, however. Goro’s world is turned upside down when mismatched eyes stare at him through the cell’s cold glass.(Or: a shuake tokyo ghoul au where Goro and Akira are similar in more ways than one)
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Niijima Makoto/Takamaki Ann, Okumura Haru/Sakamoto Ryuji, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 61
Kudos: 359





	1. it'd fall into a gutter

Goro couldn’t place what was so satisfying about seeing Joker fall from the window. He knew he was a great shot, but to shoot a ghoul mid-jump was impressive, even for him. Joker was groaning, struggling to get back up. Quite a fall; Goro was shocked it even survived that. With a grin on his face, he met the ghoul halfway, his pistol-like quinque brandished. 

This was it. At last, finally, this would all be worth it.

“I’m almost impressed you made it this far,” he found himself saying, eyes admiring the precise bullet wound at Joker’s center.

Joker’s eyes looked up at him in shock. “The…detective prince.” 

“Rank One investigator, Goro Akechi. Of course, there isn’t much of a point in telling you who I really am.” His gun rested on Joker’s forehead. A grin grew wide on his face. “This is where your justice ends.”

The loud bang resounded through the whole terrace. Blood immediately pooled from Joker’s forehead, falling to the floor. The shocked expression was still on its face, even as light began to leave its eyes. Its head dropped, the blood continuing to flow, creating quite a steady stream. It was evident to anyone that it had lost consciousness. Of course, a bullet to the head was the easiest way to do any ghoul in. 

Yet…it was still breathing.

Now it was Goro’s turn to be caught off guard. That…should have killed it. 

Without thinking he shot the ghoul again, with no satisfaction felt at the way the still body convulsed with the impact. More blood, but Joker was still breathing. 

What kind of monster was this thing?

Act. Act. He had to act. If he just left Joker there it would regenerate and attempt to escape. Even worse, it may try for Shido’s life again — stealing that away from him as well. He growled. Shooting it wasn’t working; a stab probably wouldn’t either. And anything else he could try would probably take too long and give Joker the ability to fight back. 

After contemplating his options, Goro took out his phone. He might as well bite the bullet. 

“Shido-san,” he called, after dialing the number, “I’ve run into some…complications regarding Joker.”

“I told you not to call me by my name,” his superior spat at him. Great, he was in a mood already tonight. 

“Apologies, sir. Joker…isn’t dead. My methods proved ineffective, and its regeneration is more potent than I thought.”

Shido didn’t say anything. Most likely out of disappointment or disapproval. Goro felt his stomach churn. 

“I’m…”  _ Think. Think. Remedy this situation. Figure it out.  _ “I…wish to keep it alive for questioning.”

“Damn brat… I’ll alert a squad to apprehend it. You are in charge of questioning. Do not bring Niijima into this outside of briefings.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I expect you in my office as soon as possible for further instruction.”

“Of course, sir.”

Despite all the blood he lost, Joker was obviously still alive and breathing. The hole from the gun was closed, leaving the bullet on the floor. A ghoul who could survive that. They’d have a field day with him. Not that it mattered. The greatest thorn in his side had been dealt with. It wouldn’t be long until all of those monsters would be dealt with. 

“Case closed.”

—

Goro’s body was still pulled taut as a bowstring when he finally reached his apartment, adrenaline pumping in his blood, making his extremities numb.

It was different this time; the numbness didn’t settle around his heart immediately. It must be the imperfect ending of this mission keeping him on edge.  _ It must be. _

The detective collapsed onto his simple leather couch, throwing his briefcase onto the coffee table, his coat still on. He would need to wash it again; the mess of red was not very eye-pleasing against the clean white of the material. 

  
  


Robin Hood was going to need cleaning, too. The pistol-like quinque was a gift from Shido-san; he wouldn’t hear the end of it if it were to be damaged due to a lack of maintenance. 

“God,” Goro sighed to the silence of his apartment. He would need to go report to that piece of shit tomorrow morning.

He thought back to the ghoul, no, the  _ thing _ , he’d just detained. The way its body convulsed with every bullet yet refused to still completely. He could feel the hairs at the back of his neck rise. 

Goro huffed and dug the heels of his palms into his eye sockets. “It’s just a small complication. It’s going to work out soon. Everything is going to be worth it soon, Goro.” 

He rose to wash the blood from his body and clothes. As he always did. It would all go according to plan. As it always did.

———

“You did a fine job, Rank One,” Shido praised him almost as soon as he entered his office. Goro hated the smile on his face and hated even more that his heart was warm from the man’s empty words. Only seven hours prior he was berating him over Joker still being alive. It only took further inspections by specialists to rule that his gunshot wounds had healed completely, and that killing him would take more than multiple shots. 

Much like a cockroach. 

“Thank you, sir. I couldn’t allow them to get to you.” He smiled despite himself. The smile of the detective prince. 

“Under normal circumstances, there would be a promotion involved, but that means nothing for you. I leave you to questioning Joker as your main assignment. I expect all meaningful information to be gathered by the end of October. Await your next task and do it on your own time.”

Of course. The detective prince was an Intel Investigator, meaning the capture of a powerful ghoul didn’t amount to anything. It wasn’t like it made him more infamous to ghouls, a capture isn’t a kill after all. If anything it would give the adults more ammunition against him. Plus, Shido preferred to keep his wild card close and not amongst his faceless mooks. 

“Of course, sir.” Goro let the words out as if they were second nature at that point. With a bow, he left Shido’s office, then breathed a heavy sigh to himself. Questioning Joker. What was the point? Why was that his excuse? Killing the thing would have saved him the effort that he could put towards other things. And only a month to interrogate it. Other investigators could get up to six months with their captured ghouls. Was it spite? Or perhaps another show of power.

He groaned, checking his phone calendar.

September 14th.

An interview in the morning. A small-time case. Gathering intel for some other unimportant case. 

And…Ah yes. Another personal job. One after another, as usual. 

  
  


——

Goro heaved a sigh of relief, watching the ghoul before him take its last breath as its head leaked blood. It died. 

He flicked the blood from his quinque and walked away. 

The mission went perfectly, as they always did. 

As they always will.

His plan will succeed soon. Everything will fall into place.

“Sir, it’s over. Everything went smoothly.”

“Good job; I’ll dispatch the cleanup team.”

“Yes, sir.” 

Goro grit his teeth at the beeps signaling the call breaking off, then checked the date on his phone. September 16th. It won’t be much longer.

————

Cochlea was a far-from-welcoming place. A prison meant for ghouls seemed about as effective as a zoo specifically for scorpions. They were meant to be killed, not preserved, even for information. Once again, he felt like a moron. What was he thinking? What information could he pry out of Joker that would be useful? The CCG was already very aware of its crimes, as well of the crimes of its group. 

Of course! It was that obvious. 

For whatever reason, they had opted to place Joker in the basement, far from any other ghoul held within the facility. Goro couldn’t help but wonder why. Joker was dangerous, yes, but what was the point in keeping it so…isolated? The basement was dark, quiet, and he felt a small chill as his footsteps echoed off the floor. After walking, he came across the only cell in the large room. Well…it could hardly be classified as a cell. It was a room with no door, almost like he was staring at a stage with the fourth wall being blocked by a very thick sheet of glass. There was a small light overhead, a cot with a blanket and pillow, a toilet, a chair, and a sink. About as much furniture as the other cells had. Though this was more of a terrarium than a cell. 

On that cot, being hit by the faint white light, was a person — no. Ghoul. It was curled up like an animal, with black claws where its hands should be, and a mop of black frizzy hair on its head. 

This was Joker. 

Joker wasn’t moving. At first, Goro wondered if it had eventually succumbed to its wounds and a bullet to the head was simply too impossible for any ghoul to heal off. Then, unfortunately, he saw it move slightly. More of a stir than anything else. Its eyes blinked open, slowly. Painfully slowly, almost as if it took too much effort. Joker’s eyes were vaguely surveying him, glassy and glazed over. The eyelids looked so…heavy…could it even see him right now?

“Joker. Can you hear me?”

Joker was staring past him, he now realized. Its eyes were unfocused, trying to find something to lock onto. Goro had spoken to captured ghouls before; he knew that they were hopped up on RC suppressants to keep them from fighting or trying to escape. But…never did they look this…gone. Every tiny motion Joker made looked as if it took everything out of it. Its eyelids dropped further, and eventually, its body completely relaxed. 

“Can you hear me?”

It looked at him like it had just run a marathon, eyes unfocused but clearly full of contempt. 

“Very well, I’ll be back later then.”

Goro wouldn’t be able to get anything out of him in this state.

————

“What are they giving Joker?” Goro’s tone was polite but his voice was cold. “Standard suppressants shouldn’t act like this.”

“I had to pass some higher-ups to get ahold of some. You think the regular stuff is gonna work on that monster? Think again, pretty boy. I thought your head worked better than this.”

Goro grit his teeth against imagining this senior investigator’s head severed cleanly off his body. “That doesn’t answer my question; what did you give it?”

“See for yourself.” The ‘doctor’ signaled for Goro to follow him into the stock room. With gloved hands, he picked up a small vial with a blacked-out label. “Deslodabital. We had some left, surprisingly. I was sure they cleaned us out.”

Goro felt a pit open in his stomach. “We discontinued this! It’s unusable. Who gave you the clear to use it again?”

“We discontinued it because it was too strong for normal ghouls. You seemed to have forgotten, Rank One. Joker is a serious threat; you said yourself that it regenerates too quickly to sustain any damage. The normal suppressants wouldn't keep it down long enough before it decided to attack.”

“Have you seen the state Joker is in? I can’t get anything out of him that way. Stop this at once.”

“I’ve said my piece. Standard suppressants will not work on that thing.”

“I don’t care. Stop injecting him with the old ones immediately. I need him to be conscious to question.”

“Do you have wool between your ears, kid? We. Can’t. Do you want this thing to escape and murder us all? Or perhaps continue to kill at large?”

Goro saw the world flash red for a moment, anger causing his mask to crack, “I caught him, I decide what to do with him. Shido-san already gave me the clear to do whatever I want, so you better step back now.” Goro’s tone was vicious; he had to take a deep breath to reign the venom in.

The doctor gave a quick sigh, handing Goro another vial. “Fine, suit yourself. We’ll inject him with the normal stuff. But it’s no skin off my nose if Joker kills you.” The vial was also scratched off, and he felt his blood boil. Cheeky. How fucking cheeky.

“Good. Thank you for your cooperation, Doctor.” He pocketed the vial of the lighter suppressant.

The man scoffed and walked away, muttering something about him being a “stubborn brat.” 

Goro had to blink away another violent fantasy.

———-

The doctor advised him to wait another week before he was allowed to try to talk to Joker again. If the bastard knew how limited his time was…

“Good morning, Joker. I trust you’re feeling better now?”

Joker made an inhuman snarl; Goro suppressed a flinch.

“I have got a few questions for you.”

“...” The monster simply glared at him, sharp teeth still bared. Goro could see its claws slightly flexing, and its body was completely still. As if it were going to pounce. Thinking about it, this was the first time Goro had seen Joker wide awake. The damn beast was acting just as an animal who was just taken off a sedative would. 

Yet…he could see why this thing would be considered so threatening. 

“Can you hear me?” he said slowly. The monster only glared at him. 

Yet behind the fury in its eyes, Goro could almost see pain. 

“No one will save you,” he said, with a small smile on his face, “so you might as well stop hoping. Now...are you able to respond?”

It looked away from him, going back to face the wall. 

“Another time, then; I can see you aren’t in the mood.”

  
  


———

“Are you going to speak with Joker again?” Sae asked as he began packing his things for the evening. 

“Only briefly. I don’t plan to rob your time with it. I’ll just say I have some questions of my own.”

“Always the shining example. You’re working too hard lately. You should be focusing on your studies instead of work. This will be here after high school.”

“It’s flattering how much you worry about me.” The detective prince's smile crossed his face, “I’ll try to take it easy. Midterms are on the horizon after all.”

Three weeks. Joker had been in that cell for three weeks and he had nothing to show for it. If it talked to Sae he still wouldn’t know any better. That woman kept her cards far too close to her chest for his liking at times. 

Time for plan C, Goro believed. If normal interrogation techniques didn’t work, nor did directly threatening him, there was always the always reliable bribe. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but the idea had occurred to him while going over Joker’s file earlier that evening. Joker didn’t eat, according to the wardens in Cochlea. It only slept or stared into nothing. So feeding it would be the best way to get it to at least consider talking. 

It wasn’t hard to request the Cleaner for something small, considering he kept that creature fed and off of the radar of his colleagues. The sun had long since set when he arrived at the prison in a way that was almost second nature. 

There weren’t many other options. And if this didn’t work, he could kiss his long years of planning goodbye. 

The wardens didn’t question his arrival, nor did they ask why he wanted to see Joker for the fourth time in the last two weeks, which he preferred. He would love it if more people just knew to keep their mouths shut. 

Approaching Joker’s large cell, he took out a plastic bag. 

“I brought you something.” His words were calm. 

Joker’s tired eyes stared at him, then, for the first time, actually locked onto him. It began to sniff around like a dog or cat. Almost tasting the air, knowing Goro had something it wanted. Perfect.

A smile began to form on Goro’s lips. “Now then, I’m aware you seldom fight your own battles; your cronies take care of most of your targets. But when you do fight, your kills always have quite the signature. There is always a gaping empty hole where the heart should be.” He reached into the plastic bag, pulling out its contents. The human heart was still slightly moving, as Goro had requested it as fresh as possible. Blood still oozed from the beating mass, and the smell made Goro want to throw up. Joker’s eyes watched it, its mouth slightly agape, revealing subtly sharpened teeth. Goro almost felt a pit in his stomach. “It’s all yours. Consider it a peace offering.”

Taking a key from his pocket, Goro opened a small compartment to the cell where he let the heart slide through. Joker walked towards it, continuing to smell it. Was it savoring the smell? Or…perhaps making sure it wasn’t laced with anything. 

Joker then opened its mouth, the sharp teeth very visible, and took a bite out of the heart, the squelching sound far too loud for Goro’s taste.

The ghoul seemed genuinely happy, as it made a bloody mess out of what used to be a pure white cell. Not only that, but it looked alive for once. It wasn’t much, but the heart had made some color return to Joker’s skin. Of course, it needed something in its system to fight off whatever sedative they used on it. 

Joker’s eyes were trying in vain to focus on something— anything. But no matter what, he was always looking past Goro, at a dark wall. 

“Can you hear me?” he tried again for the fourth time that month. 

Joker still gave him that ever-blank stare, but for once it actually managed to fix on him. Even if it was weak. 

“You…” His voice was deep. A smooth baritone that was laced with something Goro couldn’t fully place. Anger? Hatred?

“Yes. I’m glad we can finally talk.”

Joker’s eyes seemed to have cleared up ever so slightly, but it still looked like all of his limbs were made of lead. “Akechi…”

“Formalities aside, I only wanted to ask you some questions. The sooner you answer, the sooner you’ll be put out of your misery.”

Joker didn’t say anything. 

Goro cleared his throat. “Tell me, are you admitting guilt to all of your alleged crimes as the SSS Joker?” Perhaps he still couldn’t believe public enemy #1 for the entire organization was a teenager. 

Joker nodded slowly.

“The destruction of the fifth ward?”

“Yes.”

“The murder of Suguru Kamoshida.”

“Yes.”

“The targeting of Masayoshi Shido.”

“Yes.”

“Being the leader of the ghoul terrorist organization called the Phantom Thieves of Hearts.”

“Yes.”

Goro didn’t know if the thing was stupid or just naive. Regardless of it pleading guilty, the CCG wasn’t like normal courts. By no accounts were they obligated to let a ghoul go based on them following the rules, especially when the ghoul was this large of a threat.

“And the other phantom thieves?”

Joker said nothing. 

“You don’t have a right to remain silent here, Joker.”

“I have nothing to say.”

“Not willing to out your team? That’s somewhat admirable.”

“…”

“I suppose you cooperated well enough this evening. I’ll leave you to your meal and we can continue in the morning.”

It blinked at him, sinking back into its cot, still exhausted. 

\----

“Good morning, Joker.” 

“Is it even morning?” Joker said, voice raspy and distant. It didn’t even sound like he was talking to anyone. A stray thought accidentally articulated.

“What do you mean?” Goro asked. Then, it came to his attention that the cell had no windows, nor a clock. Joker had no way to know what time it was other than Goro’s semi-daily greetings.

Goro took another cursory glance at the cell. It was a sad thing, empty and desolate. Being alone down here would drive anyone mad. 

Sometimes he saw it too, a loneliness reflected in the glass partition that mirrored his own, or maybe it was just his reflection. He didn’t like to think about it.

A monster didn’t have feelings. This thing was a wanted threat. The red-rimmed eyes meant nothing.

“It’s morning. I just had breakfast. When the meals arrive, it’s noon. When the guards on your cell switch, it’s midnight.” Goro thought that last one was unnecessary, or maybe they all were. He didn’t know why he said that.

Joker just stared at him blankly.

“Is working for the CCG that rewarding? You get to be the hero that kills people for no reason other than that your leader tells you to, then lap up all of the praise.”

“I don’t expect you to know anything about me.”   
  
“Daylighting as the detective prince, moonlighting as a personal gun for Director Shido. Getting more people on the CCG’s side by spewing more shit about ghouls with a smile and a pretty face on TV, all so you can kill any fucking chance at us having a better life? And for what? Recognition? Power? Fame? The taste of feeling important?”

A fire quickly ignited in his stomach. It knew that? How did it know all of that? “I don’t need to hear this from a monster who’s eaten half a ward’s worth of people,” Goro quickly spat back. 

Joker gave him a harsh glare that he couldn’t help but smile at.

"Oh? Did I strike a nerve? Do you not like being faced with your crimes? You claim to be an arbiter of true justice in your calling cards, yet you kill so many people. I bet you enjoy it too. You were ready to kill every person in that building with a smile on your face."

"I don't kill because my higher-up tells me to, ‘detective’. I didn't build my career on solving crimes I committed, then reaping the rewards and praise from the public. You like playing pretend as a hero, don't you? You can justify your kills with 'they were in the way of the CCG, and the CCG is good.' I’ve never met someone this brainwashed."

The smile fell off his face, quickly being replaced with a sneer. “Who are your associates? Names.”

Joker blinked and the blank look turned to deep-rooted rage, more than at the simple question, maybe at the world. 

“As if I’d tell you that,” Joker bit out.

Goro took a deep breath, allowing for the soft features of the detective prince to form on his face. “Very well. My patience is one of my biggest strengths. Let’s see who will cave in first.”

————

Goro, in fact, was on the verge of caving in first. Shido was on his back, an ever-present, uncomfortable force breathing down the back of his neck, demanding results. Another week had passed, leading to nothing. September was quickly bleeding into October. A month. He’d spent a damned month with that thing. 

Goro was stressed out of his mind.

Joker wouldn’t speak a word about the rest of its stupid band of outlaws, and Goro was running out of excuses to give Shido.

“Names. Give me names.”

“You seem more aggravated today.” At some point, Joker seemed to have taken to seeing him as entertainment.

“You still think you’re in any state to worry about others?”

Joker ignored his snark and bit back with faux concern, eyes mockingly gentle. 

“Lay it on me, did daddy dearest reach the limits of his patience?”

“Just answer the fucking question, Joker. I don’t have time to play games right now.”

“Seems like I hit a nerve.”

“Shut up.”

“All of this for what? So out of your mind with stress over a few praises? How pathetic.”

“I said shut up.”

“You may have captured me because you played dirty, but never expect me to rat out my friends. It’s never going to happen, detective.”

“Friends, friends, friends. You say it all martyr-like, but I bet if I captured one of them, they’d rat you out at the first chance.”

“What they do is up to them, what I do for my friends is up to me. Seems like you’ve never had a friend in your life, little prince.” 

Goro scoffed. 

“The poor detective prince, so fake that no one has ever seen under that ugly, polite skin you wear. No one even knows who you are, let alone wants to be your friend.”

“...”

“Hit the nail on the head there, didn’t I?” Joker gave him that sharp-toothed grin.

“Aren’t you mistaking our roles here?” Goro grit through his teeth.

“Why? You don’t like being interrogated like this? I think I’m more cut out for this than you.”

“Stop wasting my time, Joker. Are you going to answer or not?”

“I already told you, you might be unloved, but I’m not. I won’t sell out the ones I cherish. Feel free to kill me if that isn’t the answer you want.”

Goro charged forward, a fist crushing against the glass.

“So fucking foolish. No one in the world is worth protecting. Look, you’re so valiantly trying to protect them while they’re leaving you here to rot.”

“You’re a sad little thing, unloved and alone. Leeching off of whatever reward that man has in store for you for killing the Phantom Thieves. I almost feel bad for you; it’s a pitiful existence.”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“I bet even your mother didn’t love you.”

Goro felt his entire body still at that. Then felt all his veins fill with lava. Breaths came heavily in and out of his chest. He was fucking furious. He could hear his blood in his ears.

“What right do you have to say that to me?! You’re a damned monster! An animal locked in a fucking cage! You’re so fucking depraved that you’ll  _ eat _ human fucking organs and enjoy it! I’m not worthy of love?! _ My  _ existence is pitiful!? A FREAK LIKE YOU DOESN’T DESERVE SHIT! A MONSTER LIKE YOU DOESN’T DESERVE THE AIR YOU BREATHE, LET ALONE BEING LOVED! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN SIT THERE IN A CAGE ACTING HIGH AND MIGHTY!? WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I DON’T?!”

He gave the partition another punch, and he could swear he felt his knuckles crack. 

Looking up, he froze. Across the glass was a pair of mismatched eyes, one copper and the other swallowed in inky black, the pupil glowing crimson.

They weren’t Joker’s, they were his own. 

He quickly turned away, forcing the kakugan to fade into nothing. 

In the silence, there was only his labored breathing and the pumping of his heart. 

He braved a look back at Joker.

Joker’s face had melted into one of shock. Genuine shock. Shit. No no. No. Not here. Not now. 

His eye... Why did it need to react now?

Joker’s shocked expression then melted into something much calmer. Sadness? No… something deeper. His eyes met his, and Goro watched as black flooded into Joker's right sclera, and his eye turned a bright red. 

It was like looking in a mirror. One eye human, the other a monster’s. 

The floodgate opened. And immediately Goro felt the floor give out beneath him, his guilt rushing up his throat. 

_ hesjustlikemehesjustlikemehesjustlikeme _

Joker was just like him. 

Flashes of things he’d noticed and buried. The red-rimmed eyes, dried tear stains, the loneliness, the pupils unfocused with hunger. 

His guilt escaped from his mouth in a dry heave, and he felt too weak to move. Everything was crumbling. It was cold and hot at the same time. The world was shaking, breaking.

“Hahaha…HAHAHAHAHA”

He couldn’t do anything else but laugh. The laughter carried the remains of his guilt. The fact that he  _ shot _ something just like him three fucking times. The fact he locked him in a cage. Let him starve— wanted him to starve! To die so he wouldn’t be in his fucking way, yet——

He couldn’t move.

Silence filled the air, lingering for god knows how long.

“You hate me, don’t you, Joker?” He hated how weak his voice sounded.

“…”

“You like seeing me so vulnerable…you’re laughing at me.”

“…”

“Nothing to say now? No quips or pity?”

He hated how he couldn’t read Joker; no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get  _ anything  _ from his expression. His eyes (just like his) were practically vacant. Not anger, not pity. Nothing. 

No, there was something there. But…what was it?

“Akechi.” Joker’s voice was even. “…” He was quiet a moment later. 

“Speak up.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Of course. Joker learned he wasn’t the only one of him in the world just like he did. But for the first time, Joker’s face finally sunk in. His eyes were soft, and…

He was young. 

Goro then realized just how young Joker looked. He couldn’t be any older than a high school student. The dark circles under his eyes and his paleness aside…he looked relatively healthy. If anything, it felt like this kid had the whole world ahead of him…much like himself. Yet, he was in a cage, once sedated like a rabid animal. For a moment, Goro saw himself in there, limbs too heavy to move, dying of starvation.

  
  


“…I… I need to go.”

————

Goro hadn’t gone to see Joker for a week. He was scared. He couldn’t think of him as a monster anymore. Because if he did, that meant that he—

Goro held his head in his hands and let out a yell of frustration into the silence of his apartment. 

“He’s just like me..”

He felt nauseous as he tugged sharply at his own hair. 

“This changes nothing. Focus, Goro.”

He must see this through to the very end so that it’ll all be worth it. So that the ghosts of his regrets could be put to rest.

It couldn’t change things. Not when he was so close. Not when he had everything on the line. 

He looked at the calendar on his wall that read October 12th. Had it really been that long? Had Joker been nearly comatose for nearly a month...and he permitted that?

He shook it off. Now wasn’t the time. 

“This changes nothing.”

  
  


——————

Goro’s hands gripped the steaming cup of coffee tightly. It was a new cafe that opened recently and Sae had asked him to try it out with her.

He thought the coffee was too bitter.

“It’s delicious,” he complimented loud enough for the barista to hear. 

It wasn’t, in fact, delicious. 

“What’s on your mind, Akechi?”

“Truly nothing gets past you, Sae-san.”

“So? What’s wrong? You’ve had this look on your face for days now.”

“Sae-san... is what we’re doing right?”

Sae put down her coffee cup slowly and turned to face him. 

“What do you mean?”

Goro thumbed the rim of the ceramic cup. “Is it possible to achieve justice through injustice?”

“What brought this on? Is it that ghoul you captured? Joker?”

“It’s not anything in particular; just an honest question.”

It was, in fact, Joker that brought this on. He wouldn’t say that to Sae, though. That would bring forth an entire torrent of questions that he knew he wouldn’t be prepared for.

“Doing evil in the name of the greater good is still evil.”

“Then, do you believe someone who is so rotten to the core can do good?”

“Everyone can do good, it’s a matter of if they want to or not.”

“What if everything we were told was untrue?”

Sae gave him a look like she was trying to make sense of his sudden surge of questions. A little like she had an idea where it was coming from and agreed. 

“Giving him Deslodabital was a bad move from the staff, I must admit.”

“You knew?”

“I asked around after seeing the state he was in.”

“Oh.”

“So, is that the reason?”

“Not really.” It wasn’t a lie. It was part of the reason. He couldn’t possibly tell Sae about his eyes though. 

Or maybe he could. 

He had known Sae for so long now, and whether he liked it or not he trusted her. He trusted her to always do the right thing no matter the consequences. 

“Sae-san...” he started, his grip on the mug tightening.

Sae nodded, turning her attention fully on him. 

He took a shaky breath in. He steeled himself.

“What if everything you were told was a lie?”

Sae looked confused at the repeated question but hummed for him to continue anyway.

Goro looked around. It was too dangerous. They needed somewhere more private. 

He wanted to say it. 

He needed someone other than him and Joker to know. 

He trusted Sae to see this through in one way or another if he was unable to. He wanted that reassurance.

He stood. 

“Sae-san, can we have takeout at my apartment tonight?”

Sae was looking increasingly confused by the second. She nodded despite that. 

“How about sushi?”

“Sounds great,” Goro said, because it did. “Not the conveyor belt kind, though.” 

“All right, then you pay.”

“You’re the senior though.”

“Yes, your senior, not your ATM machine.”

Goro chuckled. 

——————

Sae did end up paying, as she always did despite all the big talk. 

“Sae-san.” 

Goro put down his chopsticks. Sae followed suit. 

He was glad she was sitting down right now. He didn’t think she could handle this standing up.

“You know, right, that Shido is my father?”

Sae tapped her nails on the wooden top of his dining table and nodded. “What of it?”

Goro didn’t know how to say it. He didn’t think his words would come out coherent now. He clasped his shaking hands together under the table, out of view.

“My mother died when I was young. She was a call girl. He didn’t know about me until I was well into my life.”

Sae hummed in thought. That’s a detail the public wasn’t privy to, but wasn’t too hard to guess. Big names often had affairs and bastards, it was how society worked. It was more surprising how tightly under wraps Shido had been able to keep it.

Goro sighed and stared at the grains of the wooden table. Stared until he mustered enough courage to look up at his coworker with mismatched eyes. One a human’s and the other swallowed in black.

“Most importantly, my mother was human.”

Sae’s reaction was violent. She recoiled in shock and reached for her briefcase. Goro didn’t move an inch, even when her dagger-like quinque was millimeters away from his throat. 

Alarm and muscle reaction faded to shock and confusion when Goro didn’t resist. 

“One eye...” her voice was hard, even if it was a little breathless. 

“One-eyed ghouls are rare; until recently I was sure I was the only one. Their birth is almost impossible, but it evidently isn’t completely out of the question. If a human and a ghoul were to bear a child, this would be the result.” Then, Goro repeated, driving his point home, “My mother was a human.” 

“Then your father..” Sae cut herself off. “Shido is a ghoul.”

Goro shut his eyes against the fear he felt and nodded. 

“Who else?”

“Most of his circle. Almost every single one of them.”

“And you? How are you different from a normal ghoul?”

“I don’t know much other than what I’ve been told. I don’t even know how to control my kagune.”

Sae glanced at his half-eaten box of sushi.

“I’m able to digest human food, but still need… to… cater to my ghoul side.”

“You eat humans.” Her voice wavered slightly.

Goro barely could do it, and hated doing it, but that didn’t matter. 

“I found him when I was eleven; he’s used me to get rid of competition and people he did not want around ever since. I’ve been killing for him for a long time now.”

He thought it wasn’t so different, what other investigators did. He’s killed humans, but how were ghouls different? Blood on hands is still blood. 

“Why are you telling me this now?”

He didn’t know. It was a spur of the moment decision. A strong force inside of him pushing him to do this. To not be alone for once.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly.

“What do you expect me to do after knowing all of this?”

“I don’t know that either.” 

Sae’s grip on her quinque tightened so much the blade shook. Slowly, however, she put it down, and back into the briefcase. 

“Thank you, for telling me.”

Goro’s eyes widened and he looked away. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long.”

He didn’t know what he meant by that. It could’ve been multiple things. Maybe it was everything at once .

Goro blinked away tears even when he heard the door click as Sae left. 

It wasn’t worth it. The blood on his hands was for nothing. 

He was so tired. 

He was tired of being alone; he felt like he couldn’t bear it a second longer now that he knew he wasn’t. 

He was lost, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where to go next. 

He’d always thought there was no place in this world for him to belong, but someone being the same as him changed everything. 

Joker, who was just like him but seemed to have found himself a place to call his own. A home where he was welcome and loved. 

Goro wanted that. What did Joker have that he didn’t? 

He deserved that too. 

  
  
  


\----

“Akechi.” Joker’s voice was quiet, barely looking up from his book as Goro walked up to his cell. He still didn’t know what had possessed him to return to Cochlea. He had better things to do. He had a list of targets and an interview in the morning. Yet after a week...he came back. He came back to Joker still looking exhausted, pale, and generally weakened. He didn’t know why he cared. It was what he deserved. 

“You’re looking comfortable.” It was the only thing that came to mind. What was there to say? ‘ _ I thought I was the only one of myself in the world and yet you have the gall to be like me?’ _

Joker sighed, slowly looking back up at him and meeting his gaze. His eyes were still warm. The same look as when he had first revealed himself. “I don’t know what else to do...waiting out my death seems like the only option. What about you?”

“What  _ about  _ me?”

“You’ve hit a wall of sorts, at least from where I’m sitting.”

“You still have a lot of nerve to talk like that to me.”

“Hmm…”

They were back to silence, the air becoming heavier by the second. Goro gave a long sigh. “I suppose you want an explanation.”

Joker’s eyes perked up ever so slightly.

“My mother was human. She got caught up with a good for nothing monster and had to bear the burden of carrying a child that would have eaten her had it not been nourished properly. Of course, she went through with it, leaving a cursed mark on the world.”

“And your father…”

“You knew already, didn’t you? The Director of the CCG is one of the ghouls he’s trained the public to fear. For such a well-kept secret, I’m surprised you came in with that knowledge.”

Joker nodded. “Word gets around quickly. But...I didn’t…”

“You didn’t know he had a son.”   
  


“Not one like…” He trailed off. So the shock hadn’t completely worn off for him either. 

That heavy silence lingered for a moment. It was odd. There wasn’t any hostility from Joker. Not the kind he had grown used to for the past couple of weeks. Rather there was almost...sadness. Perhaps that was always there. Joker was a high school student waiting out his last days before being set to be executed and have his organs made into a weapon. He wondered if he spent his nights here with his heart heavy enough to sink into his stomach. Crying? Yelling? Showing some kind of weakness? Perhaps the feeling Goro has had constantly since the night his mother died. 

He felt something crawl beneath his skin, leeching off of all of his hatred. He hated how Joker could look at him like they were on the same level. Joker was nothing, yet he had everything. He had people who were mourning him, people who he cared about. Why? It wasn’t fair. 

“I hate you. I hate you and everything you stand for.”

Joker’s lack of reaction only fueled the fire in his stomach. 

“I should have killed you when I had the chance. I should’ve kept shooting until you were a mess of limbs and blood! I should’ve rammed my quinque so far into your fucking skull it came out the other side if it meant you wouldn’t keep looking at me like that!”

His kakugan activated again, the red veins crawling down his cheek.

Nothing. Why wasn’t anything phasing him?

“You really are a sad thing,” Joker spoke in his calm baritone. If anything, it sounded more commanding, sending a chill down Goro’s spine. 

“.....”

The other boy seemed exhausted, obviously not wanting to speak anymore. As much as it made Goro hate him more, he found himself respecting Joker’s quiet wish to be left alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited that this baby finally gets to see the light of day
> 
> betaed by TwilightKnight17, thank you so much 
> 
> [Here's the chapter art](https://twitter.com/heishul/status/1300872245523501056?s=12)


	2. i'd probably lose it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// eye trauma this chapter
> 
> this is probably the goriest we're gonna get
> 
> betaed by TwilightKnight17
> 
> [chapter art](https://twitter.com/HEISHUl/status/1303924478485893120?s=20)

Goro knocked lightly on the door frame. “Shido-san?”

He could hear the faint sound of muffled conversation from inside Shido’s office. Great, depending on who was here before him, he might have to weather all of Shido’s irritation. 

The voices inside were spiking in volume. Goro let out a deep sigh. Yeah, he’d definitely have to be the punching bag for Shido’s frustrations once more. 

He resigned himself to the fate of a long, scathing lecture awaiting him and leaned against the door, waiting.

After quite a long while, the door finally sprung open and a man with an ashen face walked out, briefcase shaking in his tight hold. Another life ruined; Goro hoped he didn’t need to see this man later tonight, lying in a pool of his own blood, a bullet buried in the center of his forehead.

He didn’t pay Goro any attention as he scurried away. Goro was glad; he hated having to look his potential victims in the eye. 

“Good morning, Sir.”

“Don’t waste my time, did you make any progress or are you still as useless as ever?”

Goro had to grit his teeth against abandoning his life plan and going all out right then and there.

“Sir, I am very close. With all due respect, a month was never going to work against a prisoner of that caliber. Joker is very troublesome.”

“So you’re saying you’ve failed.”

“That is not—“

“Useless waste of space. I’ll have it executed immediately. I should’ve known a stupid kid like you would’ve only wasted my time and resources.”

_You’re used to this, Goro, don’t ruin everything you’ve worked for in a second. You’re stronger than that._

“Sir, please. Give me one more month, I promise I won’t disappoint you. I’m very close; I just need a little more time.”

“Two weeks. I’ll schedule his execution for two weeks.”

“Thank you, Sir. I swear this will be worth your time.” 

“It better be.”

“If that is all, I should get back to my work, if you’ll excuse me.”

“Stop. I have a mission for you.”

Goro felt his heart drop. He hated this string of words more than anything. He was so close; he thought the last mission was the last of the blood to be on his hands. Other than more of Joker’s that is.

Seems like that wasn’t the case.

Goro recalled the ashen face and the shaking hand. The flash of silver on the man’s ring finger that he tried not to think about. 

It didn’t work; he did think about it. 

“Yes, Sir.”

It wouldn’t be much longer, soon it would all be worth it. 

————

  
  


Goro truly felt helpless for the first time in nearly six years. In the matter of a month, his entire life had spiraled out of his control almost entirely. He could no longer work towards his goal of revenge, not when he knew nothing would come of it. He stared at the ceiling of his apartment, recounting the past night in his head.

Talking to Joker at this point was a waste of energy. He wasn’t going to give him any useful information, ever. All he had to look forward to was dying, while he looked at Goro with...

He let out a groan in frustration. What was he thinking?

He wasn’t thinking. He hadn’t had a genuine thought process since he captured Joker. 

October 16th, two weeks left. Two fucking weeks left.

Tomorrow.

He’d finish this tomorrow.

  
  


————

“What are you doing?” Joker was, to put it simply, confused. The detective prince started fiddling with the code on his cell as soon as he arrived, no greeting this time around.

“...”

“You’re so moved that you decided to break me out? Is that it?” It didn’t look like that to Joker; he said that more to make fun of Akechi.

“You wish. We’re going to end this now.”

Joker was incredulous. This must be a joke.

“Do you have a death wish?”

“Don’t underestimate me, Joker.” Akechi sneered.

“What is the point of this? If you want to kill me, you can easily get your dad’s cronies to do it. Even I wouldn’t stand a chance when I’m in this state.” Joker was genuinely worried Akechi had lost his mind. This did not make sense.

Joker watched a brief look of something complicated pass over Akechi’s face.

“I don’t need those useless scum. I can easily take you myself.”

Joker stared at him dumbly, trying to understand what exactly was going through Akechi’s head that made him think walking straight into a lion’s mouth like this was a fantastic idea. 

“You can’t take me, Akechi. Even when I’m this weakened,” Joker warned. 

Joker thought he would definitely try to play dirty, this crafty little dove. Joker distinctly remembered that Akechi carried suppressants on him. Probably advice from the doctors after they stopped giving Joker that heavy line. 

“Let’s see if you’ll still be able to talk this big when I have you pinned to the floor with my knife.”

Ah, cocky. Joker always liked a challenge. 

Akechi entered the last of the code and the glass partition began sinking into the ground. 

Joker cracked his knuckles and neck as he watched Akechi whip out his briefcase. The detective muttered a quiet “Loki” as the case deconstructed and reconstructed itself to the shape of a long serrated knife. This one was different. Joker had to admire the way it glowed with killing intent. 

“Must’ve been a quite strong ghoul that you got that from.” 

“You’re about to find out.”

_Oh_. Now that was interesting. Joker didn’t have much time to think more on the implications of that before the glass finally fully disappeared and Akechi charged at him with unveiled viciousness. 

Joker dodged. Akechi charged again. 

Joker studied Akechi’s moves with appreciation. He always admired skill, and Akechi was quite skilled, to say the least. His slashes, thrusts, and the way he held his body contained too much experience for an intel investigator.

That’s what moonlighting as a hitman did for you, Joker guessed.

“You’re quite good,” Joker praised as he dodged. 

Akechi grinned, and pushed forward more, as if the praise was egging him on.

He looked a lot better this way, brutally holding back nothing. A much better look than the polite mask. 

It went on for quite a while, coordinated steps like some ferocious type of dance. Akechi’s calculated and deadly accurate attacks against Joker’s relaxed and fluid steps, unfailingly moving out of the knife’s way.

Akechi was getting agitated, Joker could tell. His body lines grew tenser but his attacks never lost method. 

Joker sensed a sudden movement to his right and dodged quickly, almost losing his footing. 

“Finally taking this seriously, aren’t you?” Joker watched the almost formless, black and white zig-zag patterned bikaku wriggle with no method or accuracy. Akechi, evidently, did not use his kagune often, Joker observed.

“About time you do as well, Joker,” Akechi snarled, driving his knife forward with force. 

It was harder, focusing on dodging Akechi’s frighteningly accurate attacks with the kagune diverting his attention. 

The formless mass lunged at him once more, so Joker dodged to the left, right into the tip of Akechi’s knife. He faltered enough for the investigator to draw blood before he hopped backwards to avoid further injury. 

“It’s rare that anyone gets to make me bleed in a head-on fight, detective.” Joker swiped the gash on his side with his thumb, the skin closing in time with his finger. 

“You better get used to it then.”

Akechi did, in fact, manage to land a few blows on Joker. Joker, to be fair, was quite weakened from the suppressants in his bloodstream, but he wasn’t one to make excuses for his failures. 

  
  


Akechi’s moment of victory didn’t last very long, though, Joker was good at reading people and registering patterns. He quickly learned that Akechi attacked with his kagune to the right mostly. The detective was left handed after all, Joker thought. 

It also helped that Akechi’s kagune was practically falling apart. Parts of it rotting and falling to the ground like overripe fruit on a tree branch. Joker guessed that Akechi didn’t have what it took to sustain a kagune for long periods of time. 

“You’re quite a softie, aren’t you? Sticking to that synthetic stuff,” Joker couldn’t help but comment.

“Not everyone has your insatiable appetite, Joker.”

Joker could tell, despite the forced casualness of the reply, that Akechi was growing extremely perturbed. 

Joker fully gained the upper hand once more, only dodging. He had decided since this started that he didn’t plan to kill the only other person like him after just finding that he existed. Even if that person was dead set on doing that.

“STOP TOYING WITH ME! FIGHT ME SERIOUSLY, YOU SMUG ASSHOLE!”

_Ah_ , it seemed the detective had finally reached the end of his fuse.

“I’ve already told you, you can’t take me in a serious fight, little prince.”

The method and control in Akechi’s attacks were slowly slipping and devolving into a series of wild and frenzied slashes. 

“DON’T TALK DOWN TO ME! AS IF A PERSON LIKE YOU IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME! YOU‘RE NOTHING MORE THAN CRIMINAL TRASH. DIE. DIE. DIE!”

Joker’s eyes widened. 

Akechi… His face was slowly being covered with kagune. A long striped horn ripped through the thin membrane of his ghoul eye and sprung out as he screamed. The black and white pattern of his kagune was now covering the entirety of his bottom half, sharp edges that looked as deadly as a knife protruding at his hips and knees. The kagune covering his feet came to a lethal point at the front, almost hoof-like. As good as a pair of daggers built into his lower extremities. The only visible part of the investigator’s face was the lower half, covered in protruding veins and a violent grin. 

Akechi had a kakuja. 

Akechi’s visible eyeball was rolled all the way back, only its white visible. The detective had let that power consume him and relinquished his mind to it, completely operating on instinct. Like a mad dog.

Joker could not say that he was surprised. He did know first hand that inheriting a kakuja was possible. He also had no doubts that someone as power-hungry and greedy as Shido would cannibalize ghouls for power. It was almost the obvious answer. 

What shocked him, though, was the way the thing was acting. He’d never seen a kakuja behaving like this. Wriggling and forming then digging into the skin, as if it were directly eating its owner alive.

No...it _was_ eating him alive.

Through the animalistic cries Akechi was letting out, pain was bleeding into every sound. Akechi’s yells weren’t enraged, they were agonized. 

“Shit,” Joker bit out as Akechi kicked at him, the dagger-like point to his foot digging painfully into Joker’s side. He had let his focus slip. Joker caught his shin to stop Akechi from actually severing his torso clean from his body. 

Akechi didn’t relent, however, and kicked again with his other leg. The angle was high enough for the tip of his foot to graze against Joker’s cheek, almost getting to his eye before Joker twisted the leg in his hand, flipping Akechi in an attempt to pin him to the ground. 

Akechi gave a sharp jerk of his leg, loosening Joker’s grip, and almost drove it straight into his chest. Joker let go and dodged to the side, Akechi immediately following closely behind. 

He didn’t give Joker a chance to regain his footing before thrusting a leg at him once more, this time going directly for his neck. Joker bent backwards and rolled a few feet away, getting back on his feet immediately. The detective was hot on his tail, still, and a dagger-sharp foot buried itself into Joker’s thigh, dragging a sharp hiss out of him. 

He’d been saving energy, ever since Akechi started giving him hearts to eat. It wasn’t much, and the suppressants were still pumping in his blood, but it should be enough for now. 

Joker gave Akechi a heavy kick, square onto his exposed chest, knocking him back a few meters. With the time he bought, Joker bent forward and let his kagune unfurl from his back: a pair of jet black wings. 

Joker used the opening to flap his ukaku, unleashing sharp, feather-like bullets at Akechi. 

The impact of the projectiles knocked the maddened investigator back a step each time one of them hit him. Joker was persistent with his attacks, sending out wave after wave until Akechi was knocked to his knees. 

The detective was sitting in a pool of his own blood, twitching and screaming in pain. It wasn’t Joker’s ukaku that did him in like that, though. Joker had made sure to only aim where kagune covered Akechi’s body, enough to drive him backwards with the force of the impact, but not enough to do any serious damage. 

This was all that thing. 

He was bleeding out from his own powers, the parasitic kakuja consuming its host. Wriggling like a mass of worms trying to devour all it could. So much blood was streaming down his horned eye, dripping onto his mouth and chin, his mouth pulled wide around anguished cries. The kagune on his legs was digging far too deeply into Akechi’s flesh, making blood pool around the maddened half-ghoul. 

It was a tragic scene. Joker hated it, though he couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. Maybe seeing Akechi in such a vulnerable state tugged on specific scenes in his memory. Things he knew too well.

Besides, he was never one to enjoy the pain of those who didn’t deserve it. 

Joker drew closer and pinned Akechi firmly to the ground, absorbing all of his writhing. His hands patted around until he found the needle of suppressants in Akechi’s pocket. He lightly swiped it off of him and plunged it into the investigator’s neck, pushing the fluid in. 

Akechi thrashed against his hold some more before he finally settled, breathing taxed, limbs flailing weakly. The kagune that was eating at Akechi’s flesh settled down too, going completely motionless and useless against the detective’s body. 

Joker took a look at the useless state of the kakuja shell. A part of that rotten bastard. Quite fitting, Joker thought. It was truly fitting that a piece of shit such as Shido would pass this parasitic monstrosity to his child. Of course the part of Shido that was passed down to Akechi preyed on him, and probably intended to keep going until there was nothing left. 

However, it would be quite a waste to leave it as it was now, wouldn’t it?

Joker leaned in and tore out a bite. The bitter taste he was so familiar with covered his mouth and clouded his senses. He could feel power surging through his body with every piece of the parasitic kakuja that he tore away from the detective. There was a sick type of pleasure swirling in his veins; it felt as if he was taking something from that awful man. Almost like an appetizer to when he finally murdered that piece of shit and ate his heart. 

As he pulled apart the last of the kakuja with a loud ripping noise, the body under him finally stopped squirming, the detective’s single functional eyeball rolling back so the iris was visible once more. Akechi’s eye was unfocused, looking blankly at nothing.

Joker assessed the extent of the detective’s injuries. They were bad, he realized. Really bad.

There were deep gashes covering his legs, almost deep enough for the whites of his bones to be visible at some parts. Where his left eye should’ve been was a sunken, bloodied socket. 

“Hey.” Joker’s voice came out too tender even to his own ears. Akechi struggled to look at the source of the sound. 

“It hurts…” Akechi’s voice was hoarse. Barely audible. The confusion in it tugged at Joker’s heart. He sounded so young...

“Come here, I’ll help.” Joker shuffled Akechi so that he was sitting upright, back against the wall and shoulder leaning against his own. 

“Please... make it stop, it hurts... It hurts so much. Please, please, please.” 

“Shh...it’s okay.”

“Please don’t let them hurt me anymore. Help me, please. Please make them go away…” 

Joker blinked at that. Akechi wasn’t seeing the white and cold fluorescent lights of the cell, he realized, he was seeing the past. This happened to him too sometimes, especially in moments like this. 

“They’re not here anymore. You’re safe now.” Joker pet Akechi’s head lightly; if it worked on a cat it would work on him.

Akechi turned to face him, his eye struggling to focus. “An angel...”

Joker’s breath hitched. Well, that was odd. Perhaps in the too-bright lights of the room with his kagune out, he could be mistaken for one. 

“Listen to me.” Joker gently cupped his cheeks, trying to get the detective to properly register his words. “I need you to eat. You need to heal and the only way to do that is if you eat.”

“I don’t want to… don’t wanna eat people.”

Joker bit back a sigh. How righteous. 

“You don’t have to eat any humans. Here...” Joker dragged Akechi’s head closer, bringing the detective’s face to rest against his shoulder. “Bite. It won’t take much since I‘m a ghoul like you.”

It wasn’t really just that either. Joker, even by ghoul standards, had quite a lot of RC cells to spare. Just a little should be enough to heal Akechi. 

It seemed like hunger had gotten to Akechi too, because he didn’t struggle much more before sinking his teeth into the flesh of Joker’s shoulder. Joker continued to pat his head as the detective took his fill. 

It really didn’t take much. A few bites and Akechi’s wounds were rapidly closing. His eye took the longest time to regenerate, but it fully healed as well. 

It wasn’t perfect, given the circumstances, but it should do for now. Akechi would just have to rest for a while and not overdo it. At least he wouldn’t bleed to death now. 

It seemed like the detective was coming to his senses slowly. His eyes zeroing in on Joker and registering their surroundings. “Joker?”

\--

The world was rather hazy, almost as if Goro had just woken up from a dream. What had– right. He planned to kill Joker here, he was losing and...he blacked out. He could clearly remember the rage he felt because Joker was beating him without trying...then the overwhelming sense of power, and the pain that came with it. Even with that...Joker was still alive before him.

  
  


Yet for some reason he felt no anger in this. If anything he was...relieved. 

  
  


“Are you all right?” Joker asked, sounding far too worried for his liking.

Goro couldn’t respond. No biting retort came to his tongue. He felt...empty. For the first time, he felt genuine futility. He’d be stuck in the CCG, doing Shido’s bidding like a damned dog until the day came where his power was at its absolute. Then what? Shido would be killed. But after that? What was there? Fulfillment? Praise? His mother being proud of him?

The ache in all of his bones was almost agonizing. His skin looked broken, shattered as easily as the shell that had pretended to protect it, down to his legs where the skin looked far too new and soft from regeneration. Yet he could still feel the ghost of the kakuja ramming itself further into his skin, tearing past muscle down to his bones like termites. 

Joker loomed over him, barely panting. After all of that...losing his mind to his father’s power and nearly bleeding out, he still looked at him like that. The same mismatched eyes with the far too warm and understanding gaze. He wanted to scream again, yell, rip him apart! Something--- anything…

Yet nothing came. No fire burned in his stomach, no images of what should have been if his kagune had done what he wanted it to do and tore him in two. Instead Goro was left with the same overwhelming feeling of helplessness he had only hours prior. The wall was gone, and all he had was nothing. No satisfaction, no pride… Just staring up at the one person in the world who had the ability to understand him, who he had tried to kill and forget about just like all of the others. 

Joker kneeled down to his level, the warmth still evident in his eyes. The left one was a light grey; it almost reminded Goro of a storm, hiding so much behind it. The right in a pool of black, with the red definitely less intense than blood.

He curled in on himself, the air around him growing too thick to breathe in. Then he choked once, twice, as water fell down his face. 

For the first time since he saw his mother’s corpse lying in a bathtub nearly ten years prior, Goro Akechi cried. 

Everything finally became too much; being under Shido’s thumb, deluded himself into walking into his own grave, having all of this be...meaningless. 

Yet Joker didn’t laugh. He didn’t soak in Goro’s misery. He didn’t sneer and tell him to get back to work, or to stay in his lane. He reached out a clawed hand, then wrapped his arms around Goro. When was the last time this had happened? Goro couldn’t remember. His brain shouted at him, begging for him to retort or attack, but he couldn’t. 

No...he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to hurt Joker anymore. He didn’t _want_ to be so alone anymore. 

If only for a moment, he wasn’t. Perhaps Goro was imagining it, but for a moment he could hear Joker’s heartbeat synch up with his. His scent was comforting, a mix between coffee and something else that could only be described as homely, almost familiar. He lost track of time between his sobs and his tears wetting Joker’s bloodied robe. He knew at some point Joker began humming something that sounded very beautiful, and Goro had wrapped his own arms around him. Eventually exhaustion took over, and he felt his eyelids close as he lay in the other boy’s arms. 

————

“Sae-san, will you come with me?”

Goro had finally mustered the courage to call his senior investigator. He couldn’t lie about not being terrified of how she’d treat him now that she knew the truth. She was the only adult he’d trusted in a long time; even if he wouldn’t show or admit it, she meant a lot to him.

“Trying to extort my caring nature for money again, Akechi?” Her voice was light, as if nothing had changed. If Goro was a sentimental person he would’ve teared up. He wasn’t; no more crying after the fiasco of yesterday.

“You know me too well, Sae-san. However, luckily for you, that is not the case this time around. I… would like you to accompany me to meet Joker.”

“Why? Is he giving you a lot of trouble?” She sounded amused more than worried.

“You can say that, yes.” 

Goro couldn’t give too much away on the phone; he wouldn’t put it past Shido to have put a bug in his. 

“All right, then, I’ll come along next time you go to see him.”

“Is this afternoon good for you?” 

“Hm...” There was the sound of fidgeting on the other end of the line, probably Sae rummaging in her bag for her immaculate planner. “This afternoon should be fine. See you there, then.”

“Thank you. I’ll treat you next time we go eat out, I promise.” Goro knew he wouldn’t.

“I’ll take you up on that.” Goro knew she didn’t mean it. She never let him pay, no matter how hard he tried.

Goro pocketed his phone and made his way to Cochlea. It was still early, but he had nothing better to do. 

He glanced at the piled-up paperwork at his seat that his useless superiors pushed onto him. 

Totally nothing better to do with his time other than have a chat with joker.

He had to figure out who he needed to threaten and who he needed to pay to get the cctv cameras in Joker’s cell to go completely blank for a while. That shouldn’t be too hard, especially the former. 

———

Walking into Joker’s cell, he only had to give the guards posted at the door a brief look before they scrambled away. That was better. He glanced at the camera in the corner of the stark white cell, no red dot. 

They had a few hours. It should be enough for now.

“Hey...” Goro greeted neutrally, punching in the code to Joker’s cell, freeing him for the time being. 

It wasn’t true freedom, but it was a start.

Goro wasn’t sure what kind of repentance he was seeking with this, or what sentimentality unbeknownst to him drove his heart to this. He just knew it felt right, it felt just and fair.

He wasn’t sure if Sae would appreciate the glass partition being gone when she arrived, but he didn’t think about it much. They’d cross that bridge when they reached it. 

Joker followed the sinking pane of glass with a gaze full of curiosity. “What are you planning?”

“I’m not fighting you again, don’t worry.”

Joker chuckled. It got on Goro’s nerves. He couldn’t place why but it irritated him. 

“I thought it’d be more comfortable to talk this way,” Goro said, instead of telling Joker how much his stupid grin agitated him.

“It most certainly is.” Joker walked to the edge of the cell, where the glass pane had completely sunken to the floor now. “Won’t you get in trouble for this?”

“Thank you for your worries, but I know how to handle myself.”

“So you know how to keep people quiet.”

Goro smiled. 

Joker looked down to where his toes were at the edge of the cell, then took a wide step. Goro heard him take a deep breath that he let out heavily. As if liberated. The leaden weight of guilt clung to his heart. 

Goro walked to a wall, maybe the one he leaned on as he almost bled out. He had no way of knowing; they were all back to spotless white now. For a moment, he wondered what the guards’ reactions were. Their dear detective prince bleeding out while being cradled by Joker, what a sight that must’ve been.

He leaned his back against it, sliding down to sit, watching Joker mirror his movements. They ended up side by side, just outside the premises of the cell. 

“I asked Sae-san to come this afternoon. I want to talk together with her about what comes next.”

“You trust her.” It wasn’t a question, an observation.

“I told her about my true nature,” Goro said, not quite an explanation. “I think she’s righteous and will seek justice no matter what. I trust her to always do that.”

“I’ll take your word for it, then. I gleaned as much from our interactions as well. Besides, she’s—” Joker cut himself off.

Goro gave him a curious look but didn’t question him further. They were past that.

They sat in languid silence, waiting for the afternoon to roll around. It was a while until Joker broke the quiet air between them abruptly.

“I was too harsh before…” Joker’s words trailed off. “What I said about your mom...was uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

“I hardly blame you. I imprisoned and wanted to kill you. I’d be more concerned if you weren’t upset.”

Joker chuckled, his voice almost melodic, “That’s an unorthodox way of saying it’s okay. Still…”

“What?”

“We still have the question of what happens next, Akechi.”

He nodded despite himself. “Shido is getting rather restless, and I only have two weeks to get meaningful information. Though now…”

Joker’s expression hadn’t changed much. If anything, he looked slightly more curious. “Now?” he repeated.

“Now, I’m not sure, in general. After yesterday...it truly dawned on me that I never belonged here. I truly...don’t belong anywhere. I’m a monster among humans and a poser amongst ghouls, and empty words and promises will not change that.”

“But you don’t know that for sure. Even if people will never understand completely...it...doesn’t mean you’re completely beyond help.”

“You don’t—”

“Yes. I do. I’ve...felt everything you have right now. Being an outcast…” His voice trailed off again, and his eyes drifted across the stark white room to another wall. “It's painful, to say the least.”

There was comfort in that. Knowing that...someone knew how he felt. There was no pity in Joker’s voice. None of the disdain his father’s cronies had when they learned the truth, or the shock Sae-san had. It was understanding. Genuine understanding. And in spite of the cold air and the oppressing atmosphere, Goro almost felt warmth. 

“You want a place to belong, don’t you? Maybe I can help you with that.”

“ _You_?”

“We’re the same, after all. If I was able to find a home...in spite of everything, there’s no reason you can’t.”

He...couldn’t argue with that. A part of him hated it; he wanted to scream at Joker again, tell him he didn’t know anything. But that would all be lies. As he said, they were the same. If anyone knew how a cursed being could still be loved…

“Let’s make a deal.”

“A deal?”

Joker nodded. “We both know you can’t do anything else here...after I die, you’ll likely follow me. Or worse, nothing will change.”

He knew that. Of course he knew that too.

“So you’re proposing I leave the CCG.”

“I don’t expect you to have an answer right away. It’s...quite the ask.”

That it was. His whole life had been built around this damn place. The eventual satisfaction that he would feel when the world learned that Masayoshi Shido was a fraud by using himself as proof. To eventually kill that man, freeing him—

No. He wouldn’t be free. Shido planned to dispose of him whenever he no longer had a use for him, and judging by his impatience, that could be sooner rather than later. His stomach churned. What choice was there? What else could he do? He felt defeated.

But leaving? That at least didn’t immediately end with death.

“I’ll leave with you.”

When he saw Joker’s excitement, he sneered, “Don’t take this as me joining your merry band of accomplices. I only want to leave this place, and you have the means to help me. Staying here...is meaningless.” 

He was making a deal with the devil. Helping a wanted ghoul escape for the sake of his own freedom. A freedom that wasn’t even promised.

“Of course. I wasn’t expecting much else. So...we have a deal?”

Goro took a deep breath, almost like a massive weight was lifted from his stomach. “We have a deal, Joker,” he said, holding out his hand.

The other boy gave him a small smirk, returning the handshake. “I’m glad to hear that, Akechi.”

There was a moment of comfortable silence. 

“Now then. I want you to contact someone named Alibaba.”

“What?”

“You’re betraying the CCG anyway, and I doubt we’ll be able to just leave without them being on our backs.”

“And who is this Alibaba?”

“A hacker, and someone very close to me. Tell them that you know Joker, and you’re asking for assistance from the Phantom Thieves. Do you have a pen?“

Goro couldn’t help but be shocked. “I told you already, Joker. I am not joining your band of accomplices.”

“Who said anything about joining them? You and I both know we can’t do this alone.”

He did, and he hated that. “All right. Contact the Phantom Thieves…”

“And—” Joker stopped. “Just tell them I’m all right, and I’ll be back soon.”

Goro felt a small twinge of guilt. “Fine.” 

He didn’t intend on breaking that promise.

The comfortable quiet returned once more, and this time, it was only broken by the clacking of heels. 

As soon as Sae entered the room, her eyes widened and she questioned in an almost shrill voice, “Akechi, why is the inmate not in the cell?”

Goro sighed. “He’s not dangerous.”

Sae looked like she wanted to pull out the multiple reports on the wanted SSS rank ghoul that suggested completely otherwise. She, instead, took a look at how said threat was languidly lounging next to Akechi, not a bone in him looking remotely violent, and sighed. She dragged the chair Goro usually sat in across the glass from Joker and positioned it opposite to the two half-ghouls. 

“So, what did you want to discuss with me that you needed the entire bottom floor cleared of personnel and the cameras shut off, Akechi?” she asked, sitting on the metal chair and crossing her legs.

“I’m going to help Joker escape.” 

“Your influence over staff can only get you so far, don’t be unreasonable,” Sae said after quite a long pause. 

Goro had to give it to her, she adapted to situations very quickly.

“Not now, I’m not stupid. I know I’ll need external help, and I’m going to get it.”

“The Phantom Thieves.” It wasn’t a question. Leave it to a reputable investigator to connect the dots that fast.

Goro nodded.

Sae glanced at Joker, questioning.

“We made a deal. I didn’t give any names, but I gave him a way to contact them that’s untraceable.” Joker didn’t need much prompting with Sae, it seemed. Goro raised an eyebrow for the hell the SSS rank gave Goro in comparison. Joker shrugged.

“What prompted this change of heart, conspiring with the same entity you vowed to take down?” This time, Sae’s words were directed to Goro.

“I...” Goro bit his lip. He didn’t want to admit this out loud, but if he hoped to get Sae on their side, he needed to give her honesty. “I’ve always done his bidding.” He didn’t really need to specify who he was referring to. “I thought it’d be worth it, in the end. I don’t think it will be anymore. I was a fool to believe it ever would in the first place. That is my shortcoming. I want to do what I think is right, this once.”

Goro couldn’t help but glance at Joker briefly. He hated how the fire he found in the leader of the phantom thieves’ eyes made his scalp tingle.

“And you think that this is the right thing to do? Breaking Joker out?”

“Yes. I should’ve never shot him down that day.”

“That's nice of you to say, Detective.” Both Sae and Goro ignored the snarky interjection.

“What will happen to you? You understand the consequences of what you’re planning to do, don’t you?” Sae’s voice was sharp. As if daring Goro to nonchalantly brush aside the target he’d be drawing on his back.

“I’ll leave, too. I won’t come back here ever again. Not until I have the power to take that man down.”

“And you’re telling me this, why? Why shouldn’t I tell the higher-ups what you’re planning?” The notion was more than empty. 

Goro took a deep breath. This was it. 

“I want you to join us. I know you’re righteous and I believe you will always stand for justice. We need your help.”

Sae hummed, deep in thought. She glanced at Joker once more, then let out a breath and nodded. “All right. I’ll help.”

“You will?” Goro was surprised. He didn’t think it would go that smoothly. “Why? You know what I am. Why?”

“I’m glad.” Sae’s voice was warmer than he'd ever heard it. Gentler than the time he caught a cold or the ‘thank you’ she’d murmured after he’d told her about his father’s corruption. There was something akin to pride shining in her eyes, too. It made Goro want to look away for some reason. “It’s good, seeing you do something for your own sake for once. Of course I’ll help. Based on what you and...Joker have told me, corruption runs deep. I seek justice, with or without the institution.”

Goro tried to blink away his tears. Not again. He jumped fractionally when he felt a scaly hand cover his own. The texture was odd, like the dried scales of discarded snake skin. The weight and the warmth of the hand against his were grounding, though. He didn’t pull away.

“Thank you, Sae-san. I’ll update you as soon as I get into contact with the Phantom Thieves. My phone might be bugged by Shido, so please refrain from contacting me about this on there.”

“All right. I guessed as much. Make sure you get out of this alive, Akechi.”

“You know I always do.”

Sae smiled, and Goro smiled back, truly, for what felt like the first time in her presence. Her smile widened. 

“She’s right about you…” Joker said quietly. “You’re driven by the right thing, Niijima-san. I’m glad you haven’t lost sight of that...”

“What?”

“Just an observation, and...thank you.”

Once Sae-san left, they were left back in the calm quiet. Goro reached into his coat pocket, handing Joker a pen and paper. “I sincerely hope this won’t send me on a wild goose chase.”

Joker gave him a small smirk as he wrote down the number. “It shouldn’t. They’ll give you more instructions .Remember to hide your identity; even if they know who you are, don’t give your name.”

“I can handle myself, you know.”

“I do. Good luck tonight.”

Goro knew that he wouldn't need it, but he gave Joker’s hand a small squeeze in reassurance.

\----

Whoever Alibaba was, they had a knack for strange locations. They had given Goro simple instructions sent to his phone: to wear all black, a mask, and not give any names. Goro had been to Yongen-Jaya once, and it was known by most investigators as ghoul territory. So much so that the director himself had given up on trying to hunt ghouls down there.

Yet, despite what he remembered, the small neighborhood seemed rather normal. Even if it was at an ungodly hour in the morning, the place had a slight sense of homeliness. A few stores, though now closed, were around the blocks, houses, and the movie theater he had been requested to show up at. 

The atmosphere was fitting, a closed movie theatre in the dead of night to further betray his position at the CCG by conspiring with ghouls. The Phantom Thieves, no less. As Goro waited, a black cat wearing a yellow bandana approached him, its bright blue eyes glaring at him. There was something far too intelligent behind its eyes, as if it was inspecting him. It then ran back into the darkness, beckoning him to follow it. 

He doubted this cat was the “Scout” he was told would get him. Yet as the cat came back after he waited a moment, he found his mind being changed. How would the Phantom Thieves even train a cat to scout for them?

“Are you the dove who killed Joker?” a feminine voice spoke. Something about it was almost familiar.

Goro almost turned around, then was briskly stopped by a bright purple kagune, that almost seemed to have thorns, only centimeters away from his head. “Don’t move,” a different voice said, slightly softer than the first. 

“I didn’t kill him,” Goro answered calmly. Well, as calmly as he could.

“Got any proof?” a gruff masculine voice asked. “You can’t trust a dove as far as you can throw ‘em.”

A dove...why were they calling him that? Was it some sort of slang term among ghouls?

“Talk,” the first voice said, now more firmly.

“I do not have physical proof. But for what it's worth, you have my word that Joker is alive.”

There was a moment of silence. Relief must have passed through the group, not that Goro could blame them. They had likely spent the past month believing their leader was dead.

“Currently, Joker is being held in Cochlea and….” His stomach churned, practically asking him if he was ready to come to a point of no return. It would be so easy now. To unmask and kill the thieves while they were in a group, yet Goro couldn’t muster up the desire. Instead he said, “I plan to help him escape.”

“You plan to help him escape,” a boyish voice repeated his words, almost like they were laughing. “Just to do what? Try to finish the job?”

“I have no intentions of killing Joker.” That was the truth.

“And how can we be so sure?” a smoother baritone asked.

They couldn’t. 

“I’m...offering a proposal,” Goro began. “I want to help Joker escape, and I will need you all to help. In two weeks they will execute Joker, as keeping him alive is wasting resources in the eyes of the CCG. I…also plan on leaving the CCG along with him. I can’t break him out myself, not without alerting the higher-ups and placing a target on my back.”

“And you came to us for help. For all the shit you’ve done to us...why the hell should we?” the gruff voice almost barked.

“Skull…” The softer voice tried to calm the brutish one, from what Goro could tell. 

He took a deep breath. “Look. I’m not asking for you to trust me; I’m only asking for cooperation for his sake. If what Joker says about you all is true, and you all live up to your infamy, then yes. Considering how close you all got to killing Shido, I have no doubts that breaking your leader free will not be a challenge.”

“You’re putting a lot of faith in us, you know,” a girlish voice said. “Cochlea is quite the request.”

“It’s nothing we can’t handle, Panther,” the boyish voice reassured. 

“He’s right. And...if it’s for Joker’s sake….” the almost-familiar woman’s voice trailed off.

“Are we all in agreement?” the baritone asked.

“I think so,” the softer voice said.

“We’ll cooperate with you for the time being,” the boyish voice declared. “In two weeks, right? Then we have to act before then.”

“His execution is planned for November 6th,” Goro reaffirmed.

“Then that’s our deadline,” the gruff voice said.

“Hey, Dove. Make sure to keep your phone handy these next couple days. I’ll be keeping in contact,” a different voice spoke, though unlike the rest, they were using some kind of modifier. Goro could only assume this one was Alibaba.

“Noted...and...thank you.” His thanks left his mouth before he had a moment to ponder whether the thieves deserved it. “Joker wanted me to tell you all that...he misses you, and he’s okay.”

There was another moment of silence, before soft laughter broke it. “That’s such a him thing to say,” the girlish voice, Panther, said, and Goro could almost hear her smile.

“Thank you, Dove,” Alibaba’s words seemed sincere. “Please...bring him back.”

For a moment Goro felt like a child again, looking up to heroes like the Feathermen. Wanting one day to become just like them, and help people. At some point he had forgotten about that dream...but now...these people were relying on him. He knew that for once, he could actually do the right thing. This wasn’t a group of criminals who wanted their leader back...they were a group of people who missed someone important to them.

“I will,” he affirmed. “I promise I will.”

\---

“It went well, all things considered. One did attempt to sever my head from my neck, but other than that they were cooperative.”

Joker sighed in relief. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“....Why did you want to help me?” Goro found himself asking. “You gain nothing from it.”

“Not necessarily. I take quite a nice treasure in Shido’s gun.” Joker gave him a small smile. “Plus...I guess I hate seeing people trapped.”

From what Goro did see— well, hear of the Phantom Thieves, he could agree. If Joker’s greatest goal was to break some sort of boundary, of course him being trapped here would anger him. 

“That’s almost flattering. For now we have the same goal. Once we leave this place, what I do is up to me.”

Joker simply nodded. “I wouldn’t want anything else from you, Akechi.”

Goro abruptly took off his gloves, handing them both to Joker. “I couldn’t help but notice you hiding your hands. Give them back to me when I win our next duel.”

He smirked as soon as he saw the shock on Joker’s face. Finally catching him off guard, that was a win in his book. 

Joker slipped on the black gloves with another small smile. “Amamiya.”

“What?”

“My name. It’d be odd to accept a promise of a rematch using an alias. Plus...I trust you.”

Only a week ago he would’ve called him a fool for that, but now it made his chest fill with a forign warmth.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Try to sleep tonight. We can discuss our next move in the morning.”

“Odd way to say sleep well.”

“It's my way of saying it.” He smiled softly. “Goodnight, Amamiya.”

“Good night, Akechi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We felt a glossary of the TG terms would be better for everyone
> 
> RC Cells- Red Child cells, what ghouls primarily eat as it is located in human bodies. Ghouls have them in larger amounts  
> Kakugan- ghouls' eyes, with black sclera and red iris  
> Kagune- an organ exclusive to ghouls, acts as an extra limb(s) when in use. mostly for hunting  
> -Bikaku(tailbone)  
> -Rinkaku(lower back)  
> -Kokaku(upper back)  
> -Ukaku(shoulder blades)  
> Kakuja- a mutated kagune that forms around the body like armor, its created from an overabundance of RC Cells due to eating ghouls  
> CCG- The Commission of Counter Ghoul  
> Quinque- a specialized weapon made from the kagune of a ghoul
> 
> And as always thank you all for reading


	3. i'll know it'd have two sides

A part of Goro hated Alibaba. Not only were their instructions annoyingly convoluted, but staying under the watchful eyes of his higher-ups was growing more and more impossible. Sae had suggested keeping the meetings with Amamiya rather sparse, to which he reluctantly agreed. The cameras could only stay off for so long, and the guards could only keep their mouths shut for so long. Goro truly hoped it wouldn’t come to them having to be silenced for good. 

He stared at his phone, ignoring the small pile of paperwork he had accumulated in the past weeks. The instructions were far too vague.

  
  


**_Alibaba sent a file._ **

**Alibaba:** mark the best routes on the blueprint. 

**_Goro sent a file._ **

**Goro:** I need to know more about the phantom thieves and their fighting styles if I’m going to have any input on which teams handle which areas.

**Alibaba:** the CCG has files, use them, Dove.

Goro dug the heels of his palms into his sockets. This was going to be a long evening, since Amamiya’s teammates didn’t want to make things easier for him.

He begrudgingly draped his coat over his shoulders and jammed his feet inside his leather shoes. It was indeed going to be a long night. 

Goro was keener than a lot of people, his senses sharpened by his lifestyle. So when he turned sharply, ready to sever a head clean off a body, and only found a pair of piercing blue eyes staring back at him, his shoulders sagged from the built up tension.

“What are you doing here?” Goro sighed, brushing a strand of hair that the sudden turn displaced away from his eye. 

The cat stared back at him, unblinking. It was quite chilling. That cat’s eyes held a lot more intelligence than Goro deemed necessary for a feline.

Goro shrugged and kept walking in the direction of the CCG building; this branch was only about a block away from his apartment, not as far as Cochlea. The cat followed, yellow bandana and blue eyes almost glowing in the dark.

When he reached the building, he turned back to find that the cat had disappeared at some point. Goro couldn’t help but feel relieved. The cat’s presence was extremely suffocating for some reason; those intelligent eyes sent chills down his spine.

As it was late, there were very few staff in the building, most having already clocked out for the day. Goro was relieved. Less people to pretend for, less questions to be asked. 

It was peaceful as Goro dug for every file in the CCG’s databases and archives about the Phantom Thieves. Quiet, as Goro took the files to a reading space and fired up his laptop to jot down notes.

After a fortunately uninterrupted period of extensive research, Goro came to a few conclusions.

Noir, the one who made an attempt on his life, was one of their hardest hitters. An SS rank ghoul according to the CCG’s ranking system. Goro couldn’t help but feel the hairs at the back of his neck rise. He had narrowly escaped that.

Skull was the second most dangerous on the list. The only reason he was a rank under Noir as an S rank was that there were no records of the phantom thief using a kagune. Goro thought that was curious, and even more worrying than Noir, since Goro knew less. 

_We’re on the same side,_ Goro had to remind himself. _You’re not trying to assess them for a fight against yourself, Goro._

Other than those two, there was also Panther, who was an A rank and Fox, who was another S rank. Those two thieves were often reported to be in supportive roles to Noir and Skull, consistently covering any openings. They seemed to be great team players.

Alibaba was cited as a cyber threat, having hacked the CCG’s databases multiple times. 

There were also mentions of a figure appearing for support on occasion, dubbed Queen. Queen was also associated with a motorcycle. Not much else was known about this thief. 

Goro pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt like he didn’t have enough to work with, still. It was going to be hard to meet Amamiya too, without being conspicuous. 

However, if all eyes were on him, that didn’t apply to Sae. He swiftly dialed the familiar number.

“Sae-san,” Goro said as soon as the line connected. Sae had bought him a burner phone recently, to help with their mission. Shido couldn’t listen in on this conversation.

“What is it, Akechi? Is everything alright?” There was the sound of cutlery clinking against plates. Goro felt a little guilty. 

“Yeah. I just wanted to ask you for a favor. Are you alone right now?”

“No, give me a second.”

Goro heard the sound of a chair dragging against the floor and a faint protest in the background that sounded like a dejected “sis!”

Yes, Sae had a younger sister. He forgot about that sometimes. Goro definitely felt more than a little guilty right now. 

“I’m sorry for interrupting your dinner with your sister.”

“Don’t worry about it. So, what did you need?” It sounded like Sae had moved to a more quiet and secluded room. Goro still lowered his voice when speaking.

“I could only get my hands on so much information from the CCG about the phantom thieves. I don’t think it’ll be enough, and Alibaba refuses to give me any more,” Goro started. “They don’t trust me yet.”

Sae hummed thoughtfully on the other side of the line, probably already knowing where this was going. 

“I don’t blame them; I’m the reason their leader is in this mess to start with. But if they won’t give me anything, I know Ama— I know Joker might.” Goro barely caught that slip up; he almost _heard_ Sae raising a brow. “But as you know, too many eyes are on me right now. I can’t bring attention to this. I can’t meet him.”

“So you want me to question Joker about his teammates?”

Question wasn’t quite the right word. That’s what they’ve been failing at doing for a month and a half now. “Ask for what he’s willing to give to further this plan. He trusts you.”

“He knows _you_ trust me.” Something about Sae’s tone was implicative. Goro felt weird about it. 

“Thank you in advance, Sae-san. I’ll get out of your hair now,” Goro said, instead of acknowledging that statement.

He heard an amused sigh on the other side of the line. “Good night, Akechi.”

————

“Why do you keep following me? Shoo, I don’t have any food on me.” Goro tried to sniff his coat for any lingering smell of sushi from his earlier outing. 

The cat stared back at him, seeming quite irritated. Again with those overly intelligent eyes.

“God, you’re so…” Goro did not know why he was talking to a cat, “...creepy.” Or why the cat seemed to look _offended_ at that.

Was Goro losing his mind, holding a conversation with a literal feline. Interpreting a feline’s expressions as he would a person’s? 

Stress was getting to his head, it definitely was.

“What are you doing, Goro…” he sighed to himself.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. A text from Sae. 

A document detailing all the information she managed to get out of Amamiya. Goro fired her a quick “thank you” and clicked on the document Sae had attached.

He scanned through it, coming to a full halt after his eyes skimmed a word.

Human. 

He had to read it again, twice, thrice, and a fourth time.

Some of the Phantom Thieves were…. human.

His eyes almost fell out of his sockets. Skull. An S ranked threat was a human. Goro felt a little chilled. 

Amamiya also mentioned Noir and Skull being their hardest frontline hitters after himself, as Goro had already guessed. Fox didn’t hit quite as hard, but certainly had skill to make up for it. Panther could handle themselves against most threats but would need help with more dangerous and higher ranked ones.

Alibaba could do a lot more than hacking CCG databases for information, apparently. With Goro and Sae’s help Alibaba might be able to tap into the surveillance cameras and even unlock the cell doors remotely.

Queen was good for backup and could hold her own in a fight, despite being human like Skull. She also had driving skills, which could, apparently, not be said about the rest. Goro assumed Queen was often the designated get away driver.

Amamiya also generously mentioned that the cat’s name was Morgana. Goro didn’t know why that was important.

“Morgana, huh?”

The cat, Morgana, stilled and hissed at him, as if questioning where he got hold of this information. 

“Surprised, aren’t you?” Goro didn’t know why he enjoyed antagonizing this literal ball of fur so much, but he did. 

Morgana’s back arched upwards and he bared his teeth at Goro. Goro snorted.

“Don’t be mad at me, be mad at your leader for having a big mouth. I didn’t even ask.”

Morgana seemed to relax a little. As if the mention of his leader being alive and well softened his murderous aura.

_Hold on_ . That’s a cat. Goro had to remind himself this overly intelligent looking cat could _not_ have possibly understood his words. 

Goro really was losing it.

————

When Goro sensed the eyes burning into the back of his head, he didn’t even falter in his step. The cat had been following him for so long now that Goro almost missed his presence when he didn’t show up.

“You didn’t come yesterday. I thought you were finally going to give me some peace and quiet.”

There was no response, as Goro would expect from a cat. He turned around. Now, that was something to halt his step at. 

In Morgana’s mouth was a red and black card, shining in the places it caught light, reflecting it. The Phantom Thieves’ logo and a “take your heart” were printed cleanly on the side visible to Goro. 

A calling card.

Goro kneeled down before Morgana, taking the calling card into his hand. He flipped it, grinning at what was written on it.

It was a calling card for him. 

The Phantom Thieves of Hearts were proclaiming him as their next target. 

_“Goro Akechi, the prideful pretender prince. Your success and fame only exist due to the blood on your hands and the backing of that man. You have lost yourself so completely to obsession with your own “justice” that you subjected others to injustice, including the capture of our leader. We will expose your crimes to the whole world and take your heart without fail._

_From, The Phantom Thieves of Hearts.”_

———

“Shido-san.” Goro tried to put the greatest amount of distress he could muster into his voice. 

On the other end of the line came a quick and disgruntled, “I told you not to call me that.”

“Sir, we just received a calling card from the Phantom Thieves,” Goro rushed out. He affected fear in his tone.

“What? Come to my office right now. The audacity of these brats, threatening me while I have their leader in my hands. They must’ve given up on saving him.”

Goro’s stomach twisted uncomfortably. He didn’t like the sound of that. “Sir, the calling card, it’s…” Goro paused, feigning hesitance. “It’s not for you, it’s for me. I’m their target.”

Silence came from the other end of the line. “Come to my office immediately.”

Goro had hoped he would’ve been able to resolve this over the phone; he really did not want to go to the office, but he knew that was a long shot.

“Sir,” Goro greeted neutrally when he arrived, tensing his shoulders to act nervous. 

“Show it to me.”

Goro passed the crisp calling card to Shido. He watched, internally amused, as Shido’s face paled with every word he read. Goro felt a sick kind of pleasure at how much Shido was freaking out. 

He also felt an uncomfortable tug that he didn’t want to feel. He hated that a part of him was hoping that his father would’ve been worried about him. He knew that was not the case. The only thing eating at Shido right now was the reputation he had on the line if Goro’s crimes were to be exposed. Goro hated that it still hurt him to some extent, knowing his father couldn’t care less whether his life was in danger or not.

He thought back to his blood soaking the asphalt and the fluorescent street light illuminating several figures gnawing at his legs, blurred through Goro’s tears. The fear, the agony, the resignation. He thought he would’ve died back then had that mysterious savior not come to his rescue.

That’s right, Shido had never cared. 

One lost knife, no matter how sharp, was still just a lost, replaceable, knife. 

“See where all your dawdling put us? You’re going to bring both of us down because of _your_ incompetence.”

That was faster than Goro thought, the lecture and verbal flaying.

Goro said nothing, his eyes trained on his shoes. He could get through this; it wouldn’t be much longer.

It was curious, he used to think that exact thought and it only made him feel more suffocated. Just a week ago his ‘won’t be much longer’ was an unsure promise of a closure that wasn’t even his own, a resolution to something that had long been unattainable. Blood on his hands with nothing to show for it, regrets haunting him, lingering and clasping at his ankles like ghosts. Just a week ago he was a puppet on a string, thinking it was the puppeteer when it was nothing but another pawn.

Things had changed, however. Now his ‘won’t be much longer’ meant a promise of freedom. His ‘everything will be worth it soon’ meant a chance to start again. His ‘just a little more’ meant until he could finally breathe without the weight of the world crushing his chest. 

Soon he would get better. His mom’s voice in his head would tell him she was proud of him, instead of her figure lingering in the corner of his room cursing him for existing.

Soon.

For now, he let Shido talk his fill, not letting any of it sink in. After it seemed like Shido was done, Goro gathered his briefcase and the card, and turned to leave the man behind, as he would once and for all, _soon_.

  
  


—-

**_Alibaba sent a location._ **

**Alibaba:** Take whatever you’re planning to keep to this location. One of us will take it. 

**Akechi:** Plan to keep? As in personal belongings.

**Alibaba** : Ah, you do have a brain. And I thought that was for show too. We’ll do a trade of sorts. I’ll bring your belongings to a safe location while providing you means of communication.

**Alibaba:** Oh, and one more thing: Same rules as our first meeting for the night of the heist. Our route will be executed at 1:45am tonight. Have Joker out of his cell by then, and we’ll all be ready. 

**Goro:** Understood. 

———

Goro wasn’t a very sentimental person. He never thought himself to be one, anyway. That was what he told himself as he squashed every ember of sentimentality that dared ignite in his chest, moving his scarce belongings into a duffel bag. 

He didn’t have very much to his name, there wasn’t much that he cared to keep.

He gave the cold apartment a cursory glance, tracing every stain on the dreary white walls and every dent on the plywood flooring. There were places with odd stains here and there from his less than kind overtime tasks. 

It was a lonely, drab place. Fitting for the husk of a person that lived in it for so long. Fitting indeed. 

Goro couldn’t lie and say he wouldn’t miss the place, though. Bland as they were, these walls witnessed a lot, they listened to him when he needed to vent. Oppressing as this cage was, familiarity was still a scary thing. 

And change was even scarier.

He had already steeled his resolve, though. There was no going back now. No matter how spacious this cage had been, it was still a cage. He wanted freedom; he was sick of living under that man’s control.

And now he could leave. Even with his clipped wings, he had a chance to be free. He could not possibly reject that.

Goro had put a few items of clothing in the bag. He didn’t need to take much. A few pairs of pants, some shirts, and a lot of socks because, sue him, he liked socks. 

He walked over to his bedside table and picked up the down-facing frame. It had collected an ample amount of dust over time. His heart twisted a little.

It took everything in him to flip it the right side up, and some more to look at his mother’s face. At some point, he’d forgotten how kind her smile was. He had come to associate his mother with the ghost at the corner of his room, cursing him for being born. The ghost had never been his mother, it had always been a culmination of his own regrets, warping his mother’s memory into something it had never been. 

Goro traced her face in the photo frame in his lap. Her smile was gentle, like dew. It lit up her face like the sun breaking through angry clouds after a storm. She held Goro in her arms. He couldn’t remember how it felt, but it looked warm. 

He could see the makeshift swing she had set up for him in the yard of that shitty apartment building they had called home. Goro’s heart cracked. 

“I’m sorry, mom.” He didn’t know when he had started crying. His tears splotched onto the glass of the picture frame. “I’m sorry it took me so long. I’ll make you proud soon. I promise you.”

Goro collected himself after a while, placing the picture frame gingerly into the bag, between clothes so that he was sure it wouldn’t break. He looked around again, searching for anything he might’ve missed. 

_Oh._ His eyes caught the shimmering silver on his dresser. How could he have forgotten that? 

He walked to the dresser and picked up the thin silver chain. It wasn’t worth much, technically speaking. He cherished it a lot, though.

His savior had given him this chain, all those years ago, on a night he thought he would die. 

Goro clutched it tighter, the metal a little warm in his grip, the familiar drag of it comforting in his hand. 

“You too. I’ll make sure your kindness was not in vain,” Goro said to the walls of his apartment as he clasped the chain around his wrist.

This would be the last time the walls of his apartment heard him talk and said nothing back.

———

  
  


It wouldn’t be long now, but this time Goro knew that this would be more definitive. Putting on his white coat for the last time and tightening his hold on his quinque, he left for Cochlea. Alibaba said the cameras wouldn’t be disabled until closer to the time of the mission execution, so he’d had to be more discrete. He greeted the guards with a sickeningly sweet smile.

“What are you doing here so late, Rank One?”

“Merely giving my condolences to Joker. He will be out of my hair tomorrow. I felt it appropriate to say goodbye.”

The guard scoffed. “You’re too soft for this kind of shit, kid.”

It took everything he had not to slice his neck open right then. But not now. 

As soon as he approached Amamiya’s cell, he found the ghoul actually asleep. It looked different than the one induced by the sedative; for once, it actually seemed restful. He tapped quietly on the glass, removing a heart from his coat. 

Amamiya seemed to shake off sleep rather quickly, probably due to the smell of a human heart. “Glad to see you’re sticking by your word.”

“I’ll only lose everything if I went back on it,” He slid the heart through the small compartment and watched Amamiya eat, like he had several times before. “Your teammates expect you out at 1:45, and right now it’s 1:15.”

Amamiya’s eyes glanced towards the camera at the corner of the room, Goro sighed. “They’ll take care of it. I don’t know why they insisted I keep them on.” He began to type in the code on the cell to open it. 

“They expect a show.” Amamiya’s words were quiet, but a devilish smirk was on his face. “We’ll give them a show.”

Goro could only blink at him. “A show…”

There was a slight hesitation in Amamiya’s eyes, then his smile grew wider. “Step back. And…trust me.”

Trust him. Right. That’s what was going to free him tonight. 

Goro took a large step back, giving Amamiya space to do whatever he was planning. Amamiya gave him a thankful smile. His body then tensed, as the veins of his kakugan rained down his face. Black kagune began to cover his skin in the wake of bright blue flames, almost swirling as they rose intensity. Amamiya’s smile grew wider, almost too wide, as his teeth seemed to have sharpened, his eyes wide. The flames continued to engulf him until he was completely consumed by them, the shape morphing and contorting into something less human and it continued to grow. Three sets of sleek, black wings erupted from the mass, large enough to almost touch the opposite side of the room, and quickly, as if they were commanded to, the flames disappeared. 

Goro couldn’t believe what he was staring at. Nor did he know how to comprehend what he was looking at. He had heard of kakujas; he possessed one himself. How a ghoul with enough power could mutate itself on command… He hadn’t used his own much, but he never knew the extent to which they could go.. In Joker— Amamiya’s place was a large…monster, for lack of a better term. Its body was a dark grey, three sets of demonic wings protruding from its back. Long, sharp claws on the ends of still human-like hands…but it’s feet were more akin to a large cat’s paws. Two sets of horns grew out of its skull, curled around its face like a crown. Two glowing, blood red eyes stared down at him, as well as a third eye that looked like a normal kakugan, framed with what looked like a golden mask. The only slightly calming thing about it was the soft looking ears and collar of what looked like fur. As well as the cat-like nose. Its chest heaved up and down as it breathed…reminding Goro that the beast before him _was_ Amamiya. Did…Shido know he was capable of this? 

Amamiya’s third eye scanned the area, before he raised himself to his hind legs. If he wasn’t already towering over him before, he certainly was now. He fixated on a camera in the corner of the large room and glared. He opened his mouth and let out a loud roar, sharp, vicious fangs now completely visible. 

Goro wanted to cower almost on instinct. Was this all a trick? Was Amamiya going to kill him here? All of that shit about trust was a ploy…wasn’t it?

Amamiya returned to his quadrupedal state and glanced back at him, eyes glowing intensely. The wings on his back spread, then…

He lunged for him. 

And Goro screamed. 

The sight of large teeth coming straight for him, threatening to rip his head off, was the last he saw. 

Before he felt himself rise up. 

“W-what?”

He looked up to see Amamiya’s face, and heard a deep, amused purr. Wait. He was conscious?

Another trick…so that’s what he meant by “show.”

He felt Amamiya’s body shift as the ghoul sat down, wrapping his tail around his hands.

Another amused purr resounded the area. Was he laughing at him?

Goro’s mind was still reeling from what had just happened. A fake out. Amamiya unleashed his monstrous kakuja for a fucking fake out. But in a way, that moment was a test, wasn’t it? He wanted his trust, even in the face of certain death. 

A deep noise escaped Amamiya’s kakuja, almost akin to a growl from a large animal. While Goro couldn’t fully understand it, it sounded like he was asking if he was doubting him.

“…I should have kept my word. I’m putting my life into your hands and I still couldn’t trust you to not kill me.”

Amamiya moved closer to him, pressing his nose against him. Goro couldn’t help but instinctively pet him…were kakujas supposed to be soft?

Goro took a deep breath. “If you get us killed, I’ll kill you.”

He got a huff in return. 

Goro caught onto what Amamiya was planning pretty easily. He knew in a matter of moments, depending on when the staff saw the footage, guards would be showing up as fast as they could to stop Joker from escaping after it killed the Detective Prince. But if there was one thing Goro had learned in the past month, it was that Amamiya was far smarter than he let on, and making a massive spectacle out of an enormous, monstrous kakuja wasn’t the end to his plan. 

The size of the thing made it easy to hide Goro’s body until they got to a safe room, somewhere he knew was far enough out of reach that other investigators wouldn’t look for them. Where he hid his personal belongings, as well as the things they had lifted off of Amamiya during his capture. Based on the Phantom Thieves’ signal, it wouldn’t be long now until they infiltrated the facility. Frantically he checked his watch. 1:23am. 20 minutes. They had to be fast. 

Goro was almost suspicious of how easy it was, or perhaps he was surprised of just how predictable his father’s goons were. This one room in the mid floors of Cochlea, likely a break room of some sort, was one of the few places in the prison with no cameras of any sort. A small flaw in design really, or the builders of the place never had a reason to believe that this room would be used for the purpose of regrouping during a heist. 

Goro noticed the ghoul staring at his wrist. “This?” He shook his wrist a bit to let gravity pull down his sleeve. “You like shiny things?“

He knew it was weird, talking to Amamiya in this form, but somehow he couldn’t help it. The danger was there but he couldn’t help feeling urgency slip away from him as the kakuja mewled in curiosity.

“My savior gave this to me. I’ve kept it since.” Goro closed his hand around his wrist, the feeling of the band digging into his palm as he exerted pressure was familiar and comforting. Of all the things in his apartment, he knew for certain he had to bring this. 

“Now then…we’re safe here.”

The kakuja simply watched him, then allowed for familiar flames to consume its body. In an almost reverse of what had happened earlier, the mass of kagune and fire began to shrink and dispel, leaving Amamiya’s body. The boy immediately doubled over, a wave of exhaustion washing over him. Goro didn’t hesitate to catch him before he fell.

“Sorry…I thought yours would be enough to power that…” Amamiya’s breathing was slightly heavy.

Goro almost wanted to slap the ghoul across the face, “You didn’t know for sure? You could have collapsed before we got here, setting our whole plan back. How reckless do you have to be?”

“You forget I have everything to lose…I had to put out all I had…” He looked tired. “I had ten minutes at most.”

His anger diminished immediately, even if he didn’t want to show that. Goro could see it more clearly now. With a mixture of the suppressants and the insufficient meals, it was a miracle Amamiya could use a kakuja so effectively at all. Never mind the fact the boy seemed completely in control of that power, in spite of how deadly it could be. He felt a small twinge of envy. All of that power, yet it didn’t destroy him.

“Here…” Goro removed the signature white coat of the CCG, and slightly unbuttoned his undershirt. “You need your strength. And…consider it my debt being repaid.”

Amamiya looked surprised for a moment. “You…”

“A bite. Nothing more.”

Amamiya smiled slightly, so small that if Goro didn’t have a keen eye, he wouldn’t have caught it. The other half-ghoul came close for a moment, placing his head to his shoulder. In a moment he felt Amamiya’s slightly sharp teeth sink into his skin. It hurt, yes, but it was nothing compared to getting his legs eaten off. With a small _rip_ , Amamiya tore the flesh from his shoulder, turning away to finish eating it. Immediately, Goro’s shoulder began to patch itself back together. 

His regeneration was something that would never cease to amaze him, and always felt like the only plus side to his father's curse. 

“Better?” he asked, finishing removing his shirt. 

“Yeah…you’re pretty sweet.”

“I don’t need the compliment, Amamiya.”

“Your taste, I mean. Like biting into pure honey. No offense, it wasn’t that great.”

He couldn’t tell if Amamiya was trying to lighten the mood or was just being blunt, but Goro couldn't help but be offended in spite of it. 

“You—“ He stopped, finally noticing the elephant in the room. Amamiya’s clothes had been consumed by his kakuja, yet the boy himself hardly seemed bothered. 

“Me?” Amamiya asked, a small smirk growing on his face. Asshole. The fucking cocky asshole. “Like what you see, Detective?”

Nothing came to his mind. Nothing but the sight of Amamiya’s body in front of him. His body was…well built. The body of someone who was accustomed to fighting and was known for being rather strong. Small grooves and dips from muscle…practically asking to be touched— what was he doing? Goro quickly snapped out of the part of his brain that was still very much a teenager. Now wasn’t the time. It was far from the time. 

Goro practically ran to the bag that contained Joker’s clothing and threw it at him. He then tried to refocus his own mind back on the task at hand. “Get dressed. We don’t have time for this.”

Amamiya’s soft chuckles certainly helped to lighten the mood further. “Of course. We’ll have plenty of time for fawning over me when we’re out.”

“Ah, so you really are a show off.”

“And not all of that detective work is fake.” Amamiya pulled the shirt over his head, stretching as Goro tried his damndest not to look at his still exposed back. “Good to know.”

The black and blue striped hoodie wasn’t much, but the black mask was something he felt strange using. He had before; Shido had commissioned him a mask for any assignment that would involve him going into ghoul-heavy places. It never saw any use, not after his failure many years prior. Yet it was all he had, and as much as he hated it, putting it on felt right, in a way. 

“It’s 1:30...not much time now...” Goro felt his stomach begin to churn.

Amamiya seemed to have an uncanny ability to sense his fear, or perhaps the rumors were true and he could smell it. “Are you starting to have second thoughts? After the heist starts, there isn’t any going back.” 

“I know that,” he bit back. “I’ve come too far to hesitate now.”

“Your words sound empty.”

Goro bit his tongue for a moment, the reality of the situation truly becoming plain as day. In fifteen minutes, everything he had spent the past four years working towards would be undone. All it would take was a single night. His grades, public reputation, his rank among the CCG would no longer matter. How hard he worked...he thought he had made his peace with his decision. 

Amamiya came closer, facing him head on, wearing the same garb as he did the evening he shot him. The other ghoul’s eyes carried the ever-present warmth. “I don’t want to leave you here.”

Goro scoffed. “Stop being so kind. You seem to have forgotten I was the one to put you in this situation.”  
  
“Believe me, I haven’t, and I don’t plan to. You should stop trying to assume what I’m thinking; you aren’t good at it.”

“I can never tell.”

“That might be for the best, for now. Honestly I still don’t know how much I should trust you…” Amamiya pulled the hood up over his head. “But you can’t stay here.”

Goro felt a small weight fall off his chest, remembering the words of an angel who told him his life was worth saving, something he had doubted time and time again for years. Yet for once, he believed them. “So I take it that you’re ready?”

Amamiya smirked. “Of course.” He pulled the hood over Goro’s head, brushing hair out of his face with a featherlight touch. “Make sure no one knows it's you, and remember you have to work with the rest of us.”

He huffed. “Of course, I’m not a stranger to team missions.”

“Really? Could’ve fooled me.”

Goro turned his head away before a smile grew on it. He took the small earpiece that Morgana had provided to him, placing it in his ear while swallowing the rest of his fear. 

Amamiya seemed to have as well, as he pulled down his white mask. 

_“Testing. Am I online?”_ A voice that Goro didn’t recognize rang into his ear.

“Yes,” he answered, “Joker and I are waiting for your signal.”

“Oracle,” Amamiya’s voice was soft, “it’s nice to hear from you again. I hope you didn’t harass our little dove too much.”

There was a soft hitch from the other end of the line. _“I’m only doing my job. It's...good to have you back, Joker. I’ll give Mona a hug for you until you’re back!”_

“Let him wait. I can’t wait to hug him myself.”

There was a small groan from the background of Oracle’s side, along with some mumbling. 

“In case you both haven’t noticed, we don’t have much time until our operation begins.”

“Right. Oracle, is everyone else here?”

_“I’m getting the rest of them booted up. Noir and Skull are right outside the facility with Panther and Fox. Queen’s at the meetup point, and Mona and I are with her. From where you guys are, I think the path to the escape route is solid.”_ _  
__  
_“Dove.” Amamiya’s voice was directed at him. Right, for the duration of this, they couldn’t call him by name. “Where did you make the escape route?”

Goro took out his phone and showed him the edited map. “Here. On the second floor there’s a window we can get out from. The second floor holds mid-ranked threats, A and B ranked, so security is less tight. I’ve heard that you’ve been able to jump across buildings before, so a second story should be a walk in the park.”

_“By the way, Dove. Make sure everything someone could track you with is off or disabled. We can’t have any cronies following us.”_

“I’m more thorough than you think. Ever since your cat began pawing at my phone, my location hasn’t been able to turn on.”

_“AHHH! Mona! You clever kitty!”_

There was a muffled “Get off” from Oracle’s end. 

Goro turned his gaze to Amamiya. For the first time since they met, the other ghoul seemed genuinely at ease. It wasn’t happiness, not yet, but Goro knew he was excited to see his team again. He pushed his own guilt to the back of his mind. 

“Ten minutes, Oracle. Are you ready?”

_“Your cell cameras are busted, as are all of the cameras at the bottom. Most of these doves are scrambling around, but you guys are safe. I thought they’d be more on top of it; at least make something fun for me.”_

“I’m sure you’ll have a blast shutting the rest of the place down.”

_“Mweheheh, you know me too well.”_

Goro’s senses suddenly all snapped to the corner of the hallway, focusing on the presence he had sensed. He was about to warn Amamiya when he noticed the ghoul had already taken a fighting stance. It was rare to meet someone with senses as keen as his own. Goro liked when he had someone who could keep up on his side. He took Amamiya’s side as a flock of white-coated investigators rounded the corner.

Goro didn’t need to look at their faces to assess their rank. Special classes. All five of them. His scalp tingled with the sudden rush of adrenaline that was pumped into his blood. 

“Back me up, Dove. And try to keep up.” Amamiya spread his wings as a smile grew on his face. The black wings seemed to radiate power, and something told him he wasn’t planning on holding back. 

“That will hardly be an issue, as you know,” He felt a smile grow on his own face, brandishing Loki in his left hand. This felt right, fighting by Joker’s side. His father would only have those close to him in Cochlea at this hour; the thought made his smile grow wider. “No mercy?”

Joker smirked back at him. Something about his stature seemed a lot more relaxed than when they had fought before. It probably wasn’t often he had a good fight, and Goro could tell there was something invigorating about going head on against several special class investigators. “No mercy.”

“Then let’s rip them apart, together.”

Amamiya struck hard and fast. In a blink of a second, one investigator was down. Goro hadn’t even realized what happened before Amamiya was back to his side, a body added to his kill count. Goro gulped back his nerves; he had to keep up. 

He charged forward, attacks vicious and relentless, leaving his opponents no openings. Now that they didn’t have the element of surprise, the investigators were more prepared for their onslaught. Still, it was very one-sided. 

It was less exchanging blows and more Amamiya raining down projectiles on them, backing them into a corner until they had nowhere to run and could only block with their quinques. Blocking could only last them so long though. Goro didn’t have much hope for them.

On Goro’s side of things, the two remaining investigators flanked him. One of them had an ukaku-type quinque, firing projectiles from a safe distance, which was problematic to Goro. The other, who Goro was directly engaging with, had a saber-like koukaku type. It seemed like it had been extracted from a relatively powerful ghoul too. Goro had the upper hand purely because of his strengthened physical abilities. 

The investigators were quite experienced, probably in the field for quite a long time. Goro was proficient with his quinque, and could hold off most threats with it, but it wouldn’t be enough against two veterans. 

He grinned.

The looks on their faces were priceless as Goro let black swallow one of his scleras and his bikaku slithered out of his lower back. 

He heard himself laughing before he realized he was doing it. 

This was what it felt like, having RC cells coursing through his bloodstream. This is what it would feel like if he were to realize his full potential. This is what it felt like with Amamiya’s flesh in his system. The single bite he’d taken was enough to make him dizzy with power.

He was getting a warm, tingly feeling from all this power. His spine felt like an entire hill of ants had made a home inside of it. His kagune, while still formless, wasn’t falling apart at the seams. 

He used the element of surprise to his favor and struck, quick as a viper, towards the ukaku-wielding investigator, knocking him to the opposite end of the room and making him crash hard against the wall. 

Out of the corner of his eye he could clearly see the smug look Amamiya was giving him. Irritating.

Goro turned back to the investigator he was exchanging blows with and went in with full force, even more vicious than before. 

Without the nuisance raining on him with projectiles, he quickly gained the upper hand and drove the investigator back until, with a loud, resounding clang, Goro disarmed him. The saber fell uselessly to the side and Goro drove his knife forward. 

The investigator, with no other option, crossed his arms to block the thrust. It was useless. Goro had thrust with so much force that Loki penetrated the futile attempt at a block and buried itself deep into the investigators flesh, almost coming through the other side. 

Goro watched him cough up blood and fall, not dead, but soon if he were not treated. Goro would leave that up to his luck. 

“Quite the softie, aren’t you?” came the mocking Goro had already expected from Amamiya.

“Just don’t like unnecessary work.” 

This investigator could just be an innocent trying to feed his family, though Goro doubted anyone in the higher ranks could possibly be an innocent. Especially Shido’s direct cronies. 

Unnecessary blood on his hand was not needed either way. 

“Sure thing, Dove.”

Smug asshole. 

Goro gave a wide swipe with his bikaku, blocking a wave of projectiles that was coming his way. Oh yeah, Goro had forgotten about that nuisance.

He still had no sense of dexterity for his kagune, but he had keen senses and he could block in the general direction he sensed the attack coming from. 

Goro kept blocking and slowly gained ground until the investigator was backed into a wall. He drove his knife in the same spot he had the other investigator. 

It was up to them and their luck now. 

Goro glanced back at Amamiya, ready to provide him with backup. He didn’t need any, apparently. The investigator from before that was lying still, lifeless, was joined by another one. Blood smeared like wings on the walls behind them.

Joker’s kagune sliced through the last standing investigator's quinque like a hot knife through butter. His eyes seemed more serious, as if that were a warning shot. “This Dove is mine now.” His words were piercing. “You can be smart and let me leave with _my_ treasure, otherwise you’ll join the rest of them.” A promise, not a threat. 

Goro leered down at the man, whose face was paler than a ghost. He knew this man, an associate special class who joined the CCG to be allowed to kill without consequence. He almost wanted to spit on him, but that was hardly worth the effort. “I believe it's best we leave.”

A smile slipped onto Joker’s face. “Right, we fulfilled our promise. Give Director Shido our regards.”

There was nothing more freeing than jumping out of that window, and running as fast as he could from a completely ruined Cochlea. 

“We made it. Everyone, regroup at the meetup point. Dove and I will be there soon.” 

Goro still wasn’t used to the commanding tone Amamiya took during this mission, but a part of him certainly liked it. 

There was a small chorus of affirmations over the ear piece.

_“I wish I could’ve seen more! Between everything going on, I was hoping to see your face before the heist was over!”_ the girlish voice Goro recognized as Panther said.

_“As do I...seeing you in action is truly inspiring, Joker. For now, I’m glad you’re safe”_   
  


_“It's good to have you back, Joker.”_

“I’m glad to be back...and I’m excited to see you all again.” Amamiya’s tone became softer for a moment, and Goro could almost see a tear fall from under the mask. 

_“Save the sappy shit for when we’re home, dude. Don’t worry, we missed you too.”_

Amamiya nodded as he turned to Goro, adjusting his glove. “Thank you.” The words were warm, the first thanks he had ever gotten genuinely. “I guess our paths can part here.”

Ah...right. His deal only meant his escape. Amidst the chaos and rush of the fighting, he had forgotten. Now that it was over, what came next? He still didn’t know; perhaps, he was hoping he would have an answer by now. It wasn’t like his life could continue, not when he had just finished throwing everything away. He was dead to the world, after all. 

“Wait.” The word left his mouth before he could stop it. “They don’t have to.”

Goro had felt something in these last couple of weeks that he hadn’t before, and giving that up along with everything else didn’t seem worth it. He hated to admit it, but danger aside, he had...fun. Fighting alongside Joker was the most he had ever gotten out of anything he had ever done. 

Amamiya seemed confused. “I thought we agreed you weren’t joining my ‘merry band of accomplices’.” There was a small, catlike smirk on his face.

Goro scowled, not knowing what else to do. “I stand by that. But…” He didn’t know what to say. Amamiya had every right to reject him. Hell, he probably should. After everything he’d done, it would be right, and he had repaid his debt.

“You want to come with me?” Amamiya asked, his voice a lot less smug. If anything he was surprised. 

“I have nowhere else to go,” he answered rather pragmatically. “And I…” _am not ready to be alone again._

Amamiya smiled. It was small, but gentle. “You don’t need a reason. Come on, we should get going.” 

He reached out a gloved hand, and Goro didn’t think before he took it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading as always, the first one to figure out how Morgana can talk gets a cookie.


	4. i wouldn't know what to do next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// for suicide mentions this chapter

Goro’s vision was fading in and out slowly, his ears ringing. He tried to reach for the gun-like quinque that had long since been knocked out of his hand, then hissed. What felt like thousands of blood red eyes were fixed onto him, staring. Mocking him. 

He had one chance. One chance to prove the theory that a half-ghoul could become one of the strongest creatures in the world. One chance to prove to that man that he was worth something. A chance to prove that he had a reason to exist. 

His legs were eaten, by those ghouls or his kakuja he didn’t know, but he did know that he couldn’t move. He couldn’t stand. He couldn't fight. He was a lame duck slowly bleeding out. This was what he deserved, wasn’t it? After everything his mother did for him, he thanked her by eating her corpse. Seeking out the same place that hunted him down like a damn animal. Trying to prove his worth to her killer…killing a young girl’s mother…

“Hey. The baby dove’s still kicking,” one of the voices said. Even if Goro couldn’t see it, he could hear the large smile that must’ve been plastered on the ghoul’s face. He could smell the blood on his breath. His blood. The blood from legs that were no longer there.

“Damn, they really are making super soldiers these days. Even this little brat hasn’t gone down,” another said, the sneer not as prevalent. 

“Give him a sec…blood loss is gonna catch up.”

It probably already was. His mind was slowly drifting. Fading. 

He was dying. 

It hadn’t sunk in until that moment. In an hour, Goro Akechi would be dead. And not a single soul would miss him. In his 13 years, he hadn’t made a positive impact. He was a curse from beginning to end. The only one-eyed ghoul in the world, yet…he would die to a few punks in Yongen Jaya. 

Ironic, really. Stories always told of one-eyed ghouls being destined for grandeur, and he would die like any unlucky human.

No. Not irony. It was perfectly fitting. 

Then he heard a cat yowl, and another voice. A younger one. 

“Leave him alone.”

His vision managed to focus. Even if it was faint. A boy, a boy his age in a black hoodie, with a black cat that had piercing blue eyes around his shoulders. The most striking thing about him were his hands. At the fingertips they faded to black, and ended in sharp claws. 

“Oh, little Devil. Ya waiting to scavenge like you always do? You’re pretty early.”

The boy stood defiant. “He’s had enough. Leave him alone. You're on my turf, anyway.”

Goro could hear laughter. 

“Listen to him, actin’ like he owns the place just cuz he’s Boss’s kid.”

“Go run back to Boss, Devil Junior. You’re over here defending Doves.”

Dove… They kept using that term. 

“It doesn’t matter, he’s a kid.” Despite his age, the one they called “Devil Junior” was staying surprisingly calm. But Goro could hear the tinge of anger behind his words. “Leave, now.”

He heard the ghouls shuffle, their glares intensifying into Devil Junior. “If you’re gonna defend him, then why don’t you die with him?”

The ghouls lunged straight for Devil Junior. He could see the cat gracefully jump off of the boy’s shoulder, and the boy jumped out of the way. Then he saw it. His right eye turned from a passive grey to an intense red, and black began to flood the white of his eye. A set of black wings erupted from his back, and flapped as soon as he jumped back. 

Almost like an angel…

The ghouls all charged again, kagune flaring and claws bared, but Devil Junior didn’t move. Why wasn’t he moving?

“M…Move…” Goro felt himself rasp, and Devil Junior gave him a soft smile. 

“Don’t worry…” he heard the boy whisper. “You’ll be okay.”

—

“—echi…Akechi?” Someone’s voice sounded like it was calling to him from far away. Goro slowly opened his eyes, only to be greeted with the back of a van he didn’t recognize. Immediately the worst case scenario came to mind, that the CCG had caught up to him and Amamiya…

“Jeez…if I knew he was gonna pass out, I would’ve made the meet up closer,” another voice said. “Nice of you to carry him.”

There was a soft laugh. “He's probably been up all day and night. Exhaustion was gonna catch up eventually.”

That was Amamiya’s voice. Now he remembered. At some point they had gone far enough from Cochlea that they could slow down…then he must’ve passed out. 

“It’s all right, we’re just finishing dropping the others off, we’ll be there soon.”

Goro’s eyes cleared up more. Yes, he was in the back seat of a van, it was too large to be a car. Amamiya was next to him, his hood down and the mask off. By his side was some other girl with blonde hair tied in pigtails wearing a red hood, who had her head back as if she were asleep. 

“Wha…”

“Shh…the mission’s still not technically over, so we can’t disclose our identities yet!” someone said from the front seat. Alibaba, or Oracle, as Amamiya referred to her. 

“Come now, Futaba. We’re far away enough.” Goro recognized that voice from the night he originally met the Phantom Thieves. The voice that was already slightly familiar. “Besides, we just need to take Ann home. They’ve been off our tails for a long time now.”

Oracle, or Futaba, as the driver called her, seemed to have pouted. “You ruined the mysterious mood we had.”

“Where… Where are we going?” Goro asked, sitting himself more upright. 

“Dropping her off, then we’re heading home,” the boyish voice from that night said, though Goro didn’t see any other bodies in the van. “You should sleep more, you know. From what I saw, you should be exhausted.”

Honestly, he was. Using his kagune and fighting like that made him want to curl up and sleep, but now that he was aware he was in a vehicle, Goro opted to wait. “I take it you’re the…”

“Scout. We’ve met a few times.” 

Goro blinked. 

“You’ll see,” Amamiya said. “Makoto? How are we on time?”

Makoto?

“Well, it’s 3:21am, but we should be back to Yongen by 4.”

“Good…”

“Stir crazy?”

“You have no idea. And I’m just ready to go home at this point.”

“Sojiro’s gonna be so happy to see you!” Futaba said. “He might even make curry to celebrate!”

“I doubt the chief will show it though,” whoever the scout was responded. “But I’m just glad your bed won’t be so cold anymore.”

Amamiya smiled, soft and genuine. Of course, Goro really had been keeping him from his family for two months. It stung, knowing how much these people missed him. 

They stopped rather suddenly in front of a rather luxurious apartment complex. “Ann, wake up. We’re at your stop.” Amamiya gently nudged the blonde girl. 

“Did I…” she cut herself off with a yawn, “I was hoping we could talk more…”

“We’ll talk tomorrow. I promise.”

“Besides, we have a lot of catching up to do!” Futaba said. 

“I’ll hold you to that. Good night, Akira…and…I’m glad you’re back.”

“Be safe, Ann.”

“Good night, Lady Ann,” the boyish voice chimed. 

Goro didn’t have anything to say as Ann left the car towards her home. 

“I have a few questions for the rest of you,” Goro said, the air of the detective forming far too naturally. 

“We can answer them tomorrow,” Makoto answered calmly. “Right now, I’m sure everyone’s too exhausted to answer them. But I’ll give you one: I’m exactly who you think I am.”

Goro felt like he had been hit in the face with something heavy. Makoto Niijima was a member of the Phantom Thieves, and based on his interactions with Sae, she didn’t know. Of all people, goody two shoes Makoto Niijima was committing the high offense of conspiring with ghouls…

“I can answer your questions tomorrow, Akechi-kun,” she replied. “In fact, we should all meet to go over what to do next.”

Amamiya made a soft sound. “Try to look as inconspicuous as possible.”

“He’s right,” the boyish voice said. “After tonight, they’re gonna be on high alert. We should probably lay low for a while.”

“We should pull an all-nighter tonight! Watching all the episodes of Featherman you missed!” Futaba exclaimed excitedly.

“Honestly? That sounds perfect.”

“Here’s you guys’ stop,” Makoto said abruptly, “Do you need any help getting inside, Akira?”

Amamiya shook his head, unfastening his seatbelt. “Thanks for worrying. I’m sure Sojiro‘s gonna drag me to Takemi in the morning anyway.”

“I’ll make sure he does!” Futaba said, getting out of the van. In her arms was Morgana, yet no other person got out of the van. “After we watch Featherman. And after a meal; I’m guessing all he ate in there was sludge.”

“Your priorities are…interesting,” Goro found himself saying. 

Futaba huffed. 

“Have a good night, Makoto. Be safe.”

“I will. I’ll be sure to ask Kawakami-sensei to send you your missed work too.”

Amamiya sighed. “Ever diligent, I see. Thank you.”

Goro had now realized that the “home” they were talking about was Yongen-Jaya; more specifically, they were in front of a small cafe called Leblanc. Why did she take them there? 

“This place is your home?” Goro found himself asking, fully removing the mask from his face. 

Amamiya nodded. “Did you ask Sojiro to keep the door unlocked, Futaba?”

“Mhm! I’m on top of things, as always,” Futaba responded. “Are you okay?”

“Just tired…” Amamiya looked rather pale; whatever strength he had from the bite he took was gone by now. 

“You didn’t have to push yourself so hard…” Goro said.

Amamiya seemed to ignore the comment.

Morgana hopped out of Futaba’s arms, purring as he climbed on Amamiya’s shoulder, nuzzling his owner. “It’s good to have you back…” he—

Wait. 

Did the cat just speak?

“Are you surprised?” the cat spoke again, his bright blue eyes fixed on him, and Goro immediately recognized it as the boyish voice. 

“H-How…”

The cat puffed out his chest slightly with pride. “I have many talents, like putting that bug on your phone to make sure we weren’t followed. And making sure you were sticking to our deal.”

A cat as a scout...a talking cat was their scout. Somehow the fact that the Phantom Thieves were a combined force of both ghouls and humans seemed tame in comparison.

Amamiya gave the cat a pet on his head. “Morgana’s special in his own way. I doubt Niijima-san would have believed me if I told her about him.”

That was...a fair assessment. Goro could hardly believe it himself, but considering how much the Phantom Thieves seemed to be wild cards, nothing seemed outside the realms of possibility. What was next? A talking goldfish?

“Do you need help getting home, Futaba?” Amamiya asked the girl.

She shook her head. “I planned to wait until you came back too, weren’t you listening?”

“I may have nodded off…”

“Sounds like a you problem,” she chided, then opened the door. There was a light chime from a bell, and Goro was immediately greeted with the smell of coffee. “Sojiro! We’re back!”

The older man inside had a look of disbelief on his face upon seeing Amamiya, then it melted into a small smile. “And here I thought you wouldn’t be able to pull it off,” he said with a sigh.

For the first time since Goro met Amamiya, he could actually read his expression. His smile was warm, and tears began to fall down his face. “Yeah...but I knew we could...despite the odds…”

So he was scared all this time? No, of course he was. Goro felt stupid for believing that Amamiya was beyond that, even for a moment. 

The man gave him a small but genuine smile. “I’m glad you’re home, kid.” He didn’t say much, but Goro could tell that there was a lot behind those words. 

“I’m glad to be home....” Amamiya allowed the tears to fall, softly sniffling as the boy actually looked his age. He was a kid, just like the man had said. A kid who Goro took from his family, leading them to believe he was dead for nearly two months. A kid who Goro allowed to be pumped full of twice his weight in sedatives, then tried to kill. Goro felt that twinge of guilt hit his stomach. 

“Go on back to the house…you look like death.”

“I can’t sneak anything past you, can I?”

Sojiro simply gave Amamiya a knowing smile. 

His phone clock had said 4am…November 7th.

“Try to actually get some sleep; I don’t want you two staying up all night,” Sojiro said. Amamiya smiled warmly…the warmest Goro had ever seen from him. He…would probably sleep better tonight than he had in weeks. “You too, Futaba.”

Amamiya nodded, and with Futaba and Morgana in tow they left the cafe. The air immediately became much thicker, and Goro felt his heart begin to race. Dying would have been easy, he believed. Facing everything he had done in the name of revenge was much harder than that.

Sojiro waited a moment before breathing a long sigh, “When Futaba told me there was a ‘baby dove’ looking to help Ren, I honestly didn’t believe her. They’re training them younger and younger nowadays, huh?” There was a hint of malice in his voice, or perhaps Goro imagined it. “You drink coffee?”

A couple weeks ago, he would have smiled and said how much he loved the stuff, anything to make his image seem better, but now he didn’t see much of a point. “I’m not a huge fan of it; it’s too bitter.”

Sojiro hummed, getting prepared to make a cup regardless. The smell of coffee was amazing… After almost becoming nose blind to the smell of blood in the deep alleys of Tokyo, and the far-too-sterile smell of all CCG buildings, this was more than refreshing. 

“What’s your name, kid?” Sojiro asked.

“Goro Akechi, sir.”

“I think I’ve seen you on TV. That high school detective, huh?”

Formerly. He couldn’t go back to that now. Instead, he nodded. 

“High school detective working with the CCG…makes a little too much sense…” Sakura handed him a hot cup of coffee. “I take it you don’t like it black.”

He focused his eyes on the table, and Sakura proceeded to get out cream and sugar. After Goro made it to his liking, he was immediately revitalized by the taste. It was incredible.

“This is amazing, sir. Thank you very much.”

“Not a problem. Consider it a thanks, Akechi.”

He didn’t deserve thanks. Not after everything he’d done. 

Sojiro sighed again, running dishwater. “I’m not sure what to think of you. I should hate you for what you made Ren go through…but you risked your own hide bringing him back.”

If only because he didn’t want to die along with him. Trying to make his act look selfless only made his stomach turn more. “I...I don’t know.”

Another moment passed in heavy silence. “I’m gonna level with you,” Sojiro said. “I’ll let you sleep up in the attic, help shelter you from the doves, but the moment you do anything to Ren, I’ll leave you to the wolves or for the doves to find you.”

“…that’s fair, sir.”

“You’re Shido’s boy, right?”

Goro’s eyes widened in shock. “…h-how did you know?”

“I’ve been in the business a long time. Long enough to know the CCG was full of hacks and Masayoshi Shido was the head of them. Shido raising his son to be a little assassin and trying to get him to kill Ren just seemed in-character. Besides…no one else could.”

So he was human. A human who lived in Yongen-Jaya, and happened to be the person who raised Joker. Not only that, but...

“You worked for the CCG?”

“I’d hardly call it work. A passive affiliation due to a friend, nothing more. Never had a problem with ghouls so much as I wanted to understand them… Did some things, met some people. Now I’m here. I wouldn’t be anywhere else, though.”

Goro didn’t know what else to say, but he calmly sipped down the rest of his coffee.

“I’m gonna head home and check on the kids. On normal days the shop opens at 7am, but I’m in earlier for opening. Try not to get too rowdy.”

Goro nodded. “Have a good night...:”

The man didn’t say anything as he left Goro alone.

  
  


\----

The attic’s bed wasn’t exactly the most comfortable in the world; in fact, it was pretty hard on Goro’s back. He’d slept in worse conditions but it had been a long time. His back ached and his mood was a little more than a little cranky when he woke up.

He sneezed a few times, reciting a few prayers to gods he didn’t believe in for his poor lungs that had been stuffed full of dust. 

Goro glanced at the clock, barely six. He sighed and dropped his head back on the pillow. He couldn’t exactly just saunter downstairs and make himself food, no matter how much his stomach growled. He’d play dead until someone came to get him. To the world he was dead right now, so it was quite fitting.

Along with the familiar grumble of a morning after a skipped dinner, there was a much more panging pain in his stomach. He chose to ignore it.

He waited for quite a while. With nothing to do, after changing to a set of the clothes that were left out for him, he started tidying around the attic a little, making the conditions a bit more habitable. Just as he was stretching his sore back, a brisk knock drifted to his ears. 

“There’s no lock on the door.”

“It’s called having manners. Boss insists the kid living in his attic has to go see Takemi with me,” Amamiya retorted, leaning on the doorframe. He looked different, wearing clothes that seemed to hide most of his body and large glasses on his face. He seemed so...soft. Almost unassuming. 

“I keep hearing about this Takemi. Do the Phantom Thieves hold a medical professional hostage for their convenience?” Goro made his way to the door, leading the way despite his affected disdain.

“It’s called having relations and connections.”

Goro let out an amused breath. 

“Why is Sojiro-san so persistent about sending me to seek medical advice? It’s not like I’ll die.” A part of him was just throwing out anything to make conversation, but a small part was also curious why a man whose practical son was stolen from him was worried about the person responsible for it.

“Don’t think too much of it; a sick ghoul over his coffee shop probably wouldn’t bode well for his customer reviews. Especially if you actually managed to die and the smell complaints started rolling in,” Amamiya said with a completely serious face. 

“I get where ‘Joker’ comes from now.”

“Was I really funny just now?” Amamiya feigned an anxious expression, as if he was listening with bated breath for Goro’s opinion. 

“Effort is the most important,” Goro replied neutrally. 

Amamiya had a very irritating grin as they finally descended the last step on the stairs. Goro had already met Amamiya’s guardian last night, but it was still awkward, seeing the distrustful gleam to Sojiro’s eyes as they squinted suspiciously at him. The corners of his eyes wrinkled up with scorn.

Goro averted his gaze and pretended to be invisible.

Amamiya exchanged a few words with Sojiro before he motioned for Goro to follow him outside.

Goro followed quickly, very relieved to get away from the weight of Sojiro’s gaze adding to the guilt weighing him down by the second.

Before Goro got through the door frame, Amamiya blocked his way. In his haste to escape the manifestation of one of his mistakes, Goro didn’t brake in time and narrowly avoided heavily crashing into Amamiya. He did, however, tip forward, slightly off balance, and was supported by the ever-reliable leader of the Phantom Thieves.

How embarrassing.

He quickly righted himself and Amamiya started to retract his hands. Before they retracted fully, Amamiya’s hands hesitated before they drew Goro’s hood up to cover his head. 

“It’s best if you lay as low as possible for the next few days,” Amamiya said in a low voice before his hands slipped down from the fabric of the hood to pull a little on the strings of the hoodie. 

He let go and turned without another word. 

Goro followed closely, but his mind was whirring out of his control.

His heart skipped more than a few beats just now. 

Maybe Sojiro did make the right call sending him to a doctor; something must be wrong with him.

Goro’s mind was in a daze as Amamiya led him through back alleys to a sketchy-looking building. He broke out of his trance when his eyes took in the sight of the rundown building and the wet asphalt under his feet. “Are you sure we’re at the correct place?”

“Definitely is.” 

Goro wanted to voice more of his suspicions, but Amamiya motioned for him to follow and Goro begrudgingly did.

The office of this Takemi doctor was small and sketchy to the max. Goro worried a bit.

“I haven’t seen you in so long, and when you come to visit, it’s in this state. What’s up with that, guinea pig?” the person who Goro guessed was Takemi rebuked. Amamiya smiled apologetically at her.

Goro took it back; it’s not a bit, he worried a lot.

If the building and room looked sketchy, this Takemi character herself was the cherry on top.

“Guinea pig?” he tried to inquire nonchalantly.

Amamiya caught the look on his face and let out a short laugh. “She’s safe, I promise.”

Goro doubted that, but he didn’t say any more and followed Amamiya to the small examination area.

“Who’s the pretty one?” Takemi had already dragged Amamiya to the bed and started methodically examining him. At least she looked professional when she worked, Goro conceded.

Goro waited for Amamiya to acknowledge Takemi’s question. When he didn’t, Goro took it upon himself to introduce himself.

“Akechi,” he muttered, kicking off some invisible thing on the ground. 

“I feel like I’ve heard that name before.” 

“He’s pretty famous,” Amamiya supplied, ever so helpful.

“Oh. The detective prince Akechi?”

Goro wanted to bury his face in his hands, but amped up his charm as he said, “The one and only.” 

He figured there’d be no harm in outing his identity, since Amamiya seemed to trust this extremely suspicious character. 

“God, it’s so weird.” Amamiya faked a shudder. 

“It’s pretty cute.” Takemi looked thoughtful more than endeared. 

Goro sighed and leaned against the wall, refusing to partake in any further conversation. 

Seeing the scowl on his face, Amamiya seemed satisfied, and went back to focusing on answering Takemi’s questions earnestly. 

When Goro’s turn came to be examined by the questionable medic, he was as stiff as a corpse. 

“She’s not going to kill you, relax,” Amamiya reassured him before Takemi could complain.

Goro forcefully relaxed his body and pretended to be a statue for the rest of the examination. 

“Are you scared of needles? No? Okay,” Takemi said all in one breath, not waiting for any acknowledgement from Goro before plunging a needle with sharp precision straight into his brachial. Goro wasn’t someone who went queasy at the sight of blood. That wouldn’t be very sustainable given his job. Past job, he had to remind himself. But watching his blood being drawn out, he felt a small sense of dread in the pit of his stomach, as well as the familiar pang from earlier.

“I heard you went through a lot, guinea pig. Your vitals are lower than I’m used to.”

“Suppressants,” Amamiya answered calmly.

Takemi chuckled dryly. “Suppressants don’t do this. I’m gonna make a wild guess and assume they brought out illegal stuff. Am I correct?” She turned her gaze towards Goro, and he could feel the dread in the air.

Despite himself, he nodded. “Deslodabital...if I remember correctly.”

The doctor made a soft clicking sound. “Figures...I’ll need to steal him away for a couple hours. Unless you’re willing to wait.”

It wasn’t like he had anything better to do.

After Takemi patched them both up, she sent them away, promising to contact them soon whenever the results were processed. Amamiya looked a little better; there was more color in his skin, more than Goro was used to anyway.

“What did she do?”

“Cleaned the sedative out...it might take a few days for me to be 100%. Though that might work in our favor for now.” 

“For now...what do you plan to do?”

Amamiya shrugged. “Our plan to go after Shido failed, and the CCG must be on high alert after last night. I plan to get everyone to meet up later today.”

Goro nodded, then looked up into the rather gloomy sky. 

“You seem to have a lot of names, Amamiya.” Goro decided to address the persistent doubt in the back of his mind since last night instead of paying any heed to the insistent dull pain in his abdomen.

Amamiya stiffened for a split-second before completely relaxing. If it weren’t for Goro’s keen senses, he would’ve thought it was a trick of the eye.

Seemed like he stepped on a landmine. He understood Amamiya, or Akira, or whatever, giving him an alias. Despite everything, Goro still captured and detained him. Trust was hard to gain, especially if Goro’s first impression to Amamiya was a bullet to the head.

He understood, but there was still a traitorous stab of hurt alongside that understanding. He understood why Amamiya would do it, but he didn’t understand why he was so upset about it. 

Ignorant to Goro’s devolving train of thought, Amamiya let out a small sigh. 

“Akira Kurusu is an alias I chose when I first started going to school to protect myself. Rather, Sojiro chose it. Kurusu was my dad’s surname. Joker is a code name I chose together with Ryuji and Morgana when the Phantom Thieves were first formed. Ren Amamiya is my real name, given to me by my parents, only a few people know of it,” Amamiya finally explained mechanically, counting off each point with a gloved hand. “Other things you hear are probably nicknames.”

He was still wearing Goro’s gloves, Goro couldn’t help but notice.

“ _Oh_ ,” Goro said lamely, cheeks flushing slightly, two-thirds because of embarrassment at his previous thought process and one-third because of a warmth he couldn’t describe blooming in his chest. 

“You thought I gave you a fake name?” Amamiya’s voice was quiet.

“I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did,” Goro settled on neutrally. 

Amamiya smiled, neither mocking nor sad, unreadable to Goro. He then turned around without another word and led Goro back to Leblanc. 

“Are you hungry?” Amamiya finally broke the oppressive silence as they entered the cafe with the melodic sound of the entrance bell jingling. Goro’s stomach uncontrollably grumbled. Amamiya let out an amused breath.

“I know you make it a habit to eat human food. I could smell it on you every time you visited my cell. I always wondered why.” Amamiya’s voice was low, only loud enough for the two of them to hear. The cafe was mostly empty, but some customers had trickled in while they were at Takemi’s clinic. 

“I like how it tastes,” Goro answered, mostly truthful.

He knew Amamiya could tell he wasn’t telling the full truth, too.

“Then, how does curry sound?” 

“For breakfast?” Goro was slightly appalled.

“Lunch and dinner, too.” 

“Is that the only thing you know how to make?”

Amamiya played with a tuft of his own hair, looking quite bashful. “Guilty as charged.”

“I’m not much better, I survived on takeout and microwave meals. I’m really horrible at cooking.”

Amamiya seemed invigorated by Goro’s lack of skill, and motioned for Goro to sit in a booth in a quiet corner of the coffee shop, shrouded in shadows. Quite a strategic spot for a vagabond to have breakfast curry. 

Amamiya went to the counter after Goro was snugly seated and exchanged a few words with Sojiro before getting to work. He whipped up a pot and scooped up two plates alongside white rice. With a grin, Amamiya set the steaming plates in front of them as he took the seat opposite Goro. 

Goro had to give it to him, in the area of presentation, Amamiya sure had a sense of aesthetic. Goro’s hand moved to his phone and he snapped a picture, almost on autopilot. The familiar motions almost ingrained to his body. 

Amamiya curiously cocked his head to the side. 

“I had a food blog. Obviously I can’t post anymore, since I’m supposed to be dead. I did this out of habit.” Goro conceded to the curious gaze trained at him.

“You can make a new one under a new name, if you like it,” Amamiya suggested. 

“Perhaps I should.”

They quietly ate their meals. Amamiya probably didn’t usually eat, but did it to keep Goro company. Goro was grateful.

The curry was also very good, the right amount of spice blended to perfection. The texture was creamy and delightful. The vegetables were cooked to a correct softness and the chicken almost melted as soon as it entered his mouth. Goro couldn’t suppress a satisfied sigh.

Amamiya looked at the sight and grinned as he shoveled down his own plate. 

“This is quite the quaint place. A little cafe in the back alleys of a place like Yongen,” Goro began.

“It isn’t all bad,” Amamiya said. “During the day and in the more quiet parts, it's actually rather peaceful. The ghouls here only tend to get violent when the peace is broken. Say, the doves showing up.”

Goro stared down at his plate. “I’ve read they’ve attempted a few purges of this place before they gave up.”

Amamiya chuckled. “You probably won’t believe this, but I’d bet a good chunk of the people who live here are former doves, or at least affiliated with them.”

Goro honestly didn’t know how to feel about that. “So learning how corrupt the CCG is is common. Why come here?”

“You know why.”

Yes, it was obvious. In a way, this place was a traitor’s paradise. 

Traitor…

“I think I’m finished,” Goro’s voice came out quieter than he intended.

“Oh? I’ll wrap it up for you.”

He uttered a quiet thanks before heading back up into the attic. It had to be the exhaustion making everything so heavy. He didn’t deserve this. Not after everything he’d done…

Not after…

Sleep came as soon as his head hit the pillow.

——-

  
  


Around sunset, the once-quiet cafe grew incredibly loud. Goro shifted on the bed, any remnants of a peaceful sleep destroyed. He groaned.

“I’ll try to see if sis is able to come by soon. I don’t know how much the press is harassing her about Akechi, though…”

“How bad is it?”

“It’s all the news has been talking about all day, man. ‘The poor detective prince was so young!’ It makes me wanna puke.”

“That’s rude, Ryuji! People are allowed to mourn celebrities!”

“Doves die all the time and this one ain’t even dead. Just shows people want something to feel bad about.”

At that statement, Goro found himself immediately walking down the stairs. 

The cafe had to be closed at that point, as Sojiro was nowhere to be seen. Instead, littered around the cafe were a bunch of rather colorful teenagers. It didn’t take long before Goro discerned that these were the infamous Phantom Thieves of Hearts. What shocked Goro more was that their faces were familiar. 

He knew Makoto from vague encounters, or dinners with Sae that she was dragged along to. Haru Okumura was the daughter of one of his victims, a rather wealthy ghoul and someone in Shido’s circle. The two blonds he knew he had to have encountered before, in the summer, maybe? Futaba and Morgana were there as well, the cat curled up in her lap as if it were a normal feline and not some abomination.

The one face he didn’t recognize was of a blue-haired boy seated ever so slightly away from the rest of the group.

“Oh, he’s awake,” the blue-haired boy said.

“Astute observation,” Goro growled. “What exactly are you all doing here?”

“A meeting, like we established last night.” Makoto’s response was brisk.

“More precisely, this morning,” Okumura said. “You seem well-rested, Akechi-kun.”

Goro couldn’t quite place the reason for his fear, or perhaps he had realized this was the ghoul who wouldn’t have hesitated to cleanly slice his head off. “After only getting an hour of sleep, I didn’t see an issue with it.”

The blond boy gave Amamiya a questioning look. “Dude, you didn’t say he was staying here!”

Amamiya shrugged. “He didn’t have anywhere else to go; it's not like we could let a dead man wander until someone found him.”

“It still seems risky, Akira,” the blue-haired boy pointed out, and he was right to do so. 

“I know. Honestly, my judgement isn’t the best right now.”

The blond girl, Ann, if he remembered correctly, gave Amamiya a hug, which he quickly returned. “What did we say about pushing yourself too hard?”

“I know, I know. And it’ll be fine. I know Akechi isn’t planning anything.”

“I can speak for myself, thank you.”

“It doesn’t mean we’ll listen,” Morgana said, and Goro still felt the whiplash of hearing human words from a cat's mouth. “But I agree; he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.”

A part of Goro was grateful the cat had stalked him. 

“So what’s the plan from here?” the blond boy asked.

“From here? Laying as low as possible,” Amamiya stated.

Makoto nodded. “Seconded. Going by what Sis is saying, it’s chaos. Shido is trying desperately to cover everything up. The last thing we need is to attract more attention to ourselves.”

“The footage from last night is wiped clean,” Futaba said, hardly looking up from her laptop. “So it’s anyone’s guess what actually happened.”

“Are you leading them on a wild goose chase?” Okumura asked.

“Ooh~ Now there’s an idea. But letting them scramble to look for answers and cover their asses is a bit more fun.”

Goro felt instant relief at the news. It worked, the plan worked 100%.

But that pit in his stomach that he had felt since the night prior still remained.

“Let’s continue this next week,” Amamiya said. “Give things a chance to peter out.”

“Sounds good!” Ann responded. “And you owe me a shopping spree for making me worry so much.”

The Phantom Thieves had a mutter of agreement before they slowly began to filter out of the cafe.

“Tomorrow; I need a few days before I’m up for anything. That includes training, Ryuji.”

Ryuji groaned. “It’s cool. Running ain’t as fun without you, you know?”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“You better! I’ll text you!”

Amamiya blinked for a moment, as if remembering something. “It’ll be awhile before I answer!” But the other boy had already left. He sighed. 

“What is it?”

“One...I haven’t charged my phone. I’ll also need to...you know…”

Goro simply nodded. 

“I’ll be back tonight, okay? If you need anything, ask Morgana.”

He didn’t plan to. The less he talked to the cat, the better. 

———

Goro stared at the paper bag Amamiya had thrown on the table in front of him with disdain. He didn’t need to take a peek to know what was inside. 

“You need to eat.”

“I don’t,” Goro retorted stubbornly.

“You overworked your already pitiful number of RC cells when we escaped. Takemi just called and said you needed to eat as soon as possible.”

“I don’t need it.”

“Why are you so stubborn? Just eat it and stop making things harder for others.”

“I didn’t ask for you to do this.”

Amamiya looked irked. Goro dug into that, trying to shift attention away from the bag. 

“I didn’t ask you to come back with me to watch you waste away and die, or to watch you go on a rampage and kill all this cafe’s patrons.”

For as much as he couldn’t understand Amamiya’s annoyance, he was right. A hungry ghoul was a risk to those around him more than anything. 

“I’ll leave, then.”

“That’s not wh—“

“I’m not eating.” Goro cut him off.

“Why are you acting so righteous right now? Your guilty conscience only works when they aren’t your victim?”

Goro flashed Amamiya a glare. 

Amamiya breathed out, collecting himself, and trained a pleading look on Goro.

“Just eat it. Please,” he implored.

Goro cracked a bit. His anger at the previous statement washing away immediately. 

“I don’t like eating human meat. It reminds me of her.” He knew he sounded vague. He couldn’t help it when it hurt so much just thinking about it.

Amamiya sensed the shift in the mood and sat down next to him, encouraging him to keep talking. 

It was after hours. There wasn’t a single soul other than the two of them in the cafe. It would be so easy to open up. To finally tell someone. To ease the burden that had been weighing on him his entire life. It would be so easy.

It would be so easy if his words didn’t catch in his throat and whither on his tongue. 

“I ate her,” he said, after a long while. Amamiya had been patient, waiting for him to let this admission out. Goro’s eyes were unfocused, the scene before him blurring from the comforting wooden counters of Leblanc to the blood-splotched wooden tiles of that apartment.

His voice trembled as he continued, almost delirious, unaware of the words coming out of his mouth until he heard them leaving.

“She was always so sad. Miserable. The first time I woke up to her crying, she told me that she was sorry. For being a terrible mother. For giving me a father like him. She cried and cried and promised me she was going to be better for me. Give me a better life. She cried and cried and when she finally calmed down she told me to forget about it in the morning.

“She always did her best to get by. We could barely afford a roof over our heads. Even on days when I woke up and found a very nice breakfast, I could still see how miserable she was, her eyes would still be puffy.”

Goro barely felt the comforting weight of Amamiya’s hand on his shoulder through the haze of his thoughts.

“My— My father had called me that day. He’d found us and— He— He asked for regular meetings with me if my— if my mom wanted to keep me.”

He heard more than felt himself shaking terribly. Goro tried to gulp down a few calming breaths.

“He called me and I was gone for most of the day. When I came back to the apartment I— It was around dusk. I thought the sunset was especially pretty that day. I wanted us to— to go watch it together... sit on the balcony and maybe drink some tea. I wanted to—” Goro’s words were caught in his throat, choking him. His vision blurred further. 

What was it that Goro said his mother looked like? Miserable? Goro knew he probably looked like her mirror image at that moment. Everyone always told him he looked so much like her. 

“Akechi, it’s alright. Don’t force yourself.”

“No— No. I need— If I don’t finish this now I never will. I can’t keep this locked inside me like some— I can’t keep everything about her locked like this anymore. I can’t—”

“Hey,” Amamiya called out. The sound of his voice came to Goro muffled, as if Goro was underwater. Goro looked up at Amamiya’s face. There were no signs of pity on the face that stared at him, just caution and a look of deep-rooted understanding.

It took Goro a few minutes to calm down enough to talk again. He needed to get this all out now. It was already too late to regret oversharing. He’d already said too much; he might as well go all the way.

“When I entered the apartment it was quiet. I felt it in my stomach. It was too quiet. I felt like vomiting from the force of my dread. Despite my best instincts I went further in. I went to— to her room. And there—”

Goro was breathing hard; it was taking everything in him to say this. A warm weight enveloped Goro’s hand, grounding him. At some point he had gotten used to the weight of Amamiya’s hand over his.

“She— She’d hung herself, and I walked in, to find her— to find her hanging, lifeless.”

Amamiya uttered no apologies or condolences. They weren’t going to matter; it was too late, it had always been too late. Goro was glad he wasn’t given those empty words again. Amamiya offered him a lot more in the silent promise of justice and the tightening of his hands around his own.

“I don’t remember much of what happened after that. I remember taking out my kagune to— to cut off the rope and let her down. I remember crying while begging her to wake up. I remember—” Goro closed his eyes tightly, his eyebrows furrowed.The pain in his chest was overwhelming. “I remember coming back to my senses to find blood all over me and— and an unrecognizable bloody mess under me.” 

Goro could feel hot tears drop down his cheeks now.

“I ate her, Amamiya. I— I fucking ate my mother. I found her corpse and— and made it into such a mangled mess that I— that I couldn’t even recognize her anymore. My— My own mother!”

Amamiya’s hand tightened impossibly around his and let Goro cry quietly next to him. He held Goro’s hand until Goro picked himself up and glued his pieces back together.

Amamiya silently picked up the brown bag and didn’t press further. Goro watched until the bag was put away, then let out a sigh of relief. 

His head hurt; it always did after he cried. But despite his pounding head he felt impossibly light. Lighter than he’d ever been before. Even though it wasn’t a very beautiful sight, he was glad he opened up to Amamiya. It felt good, having someone to confide in for once in his life. 

They sat together for a while after that, talking about inconsequential things. Amamiya told him the story of finding an injured Morgana when he was young and feeding him a piece of his kagune, resulting in the abomination that was a talking cat. He also told a small story about how he and Futaba would explore parts of the town at night, past when they were supposed to be asleep. Tiny things, inconsequential anecdotes that still didn’t paint a clear picture of Amamiya as a whole. 

At some point they moved up to the attic, Goro filtering through the volumes of Featherman stacked on the shelves. 

“Do you like it?”

Goro suppressed his excitement, enough embarrassment for today. “It’s okay,” he said, instead of what he really wanted to say.

“Futaba and I always watch it together, ever since Sojiro found me and took me in when I was young. I like it more for nostalgia than anything.”

Goro detected Amamiya wanted to say more. He moved to start, but as Goro watched, he visibly stopped himself. He’d noticed this with Amamiya even back in Cochlea; the way he hid his feelings, shuttered himself in walls 3 feet thick. Goro peered at him, rather disturbed, as Amamiya schooled his expression to display no hint of the words that were on the tip of his tongue a moment ago.

Goro didn’t comment, thinking that if Amamiya chose to confide in him one day he would listen, and picked up his favorite volume to pop it into the DVD slot on the old television. 

“It’s a good way to pass time.” Goro committed to his nonchalant mask.

They sat next to each other on the bed, a decent distance between them, as much as the small bed allowed. Goro, despite his noncommittal act, couldn’t help but level his rapt attention at the flashing scenes on the TV screen. 

Crying earlier made it easier for Goro to feel drowsy, eyes heavy-lidded and colors blurring before him. Before he knew it, he had already drifted to sleep, head resting on a solid warmth he couldn’t place.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry Morgana still talks.
> 
> [Chapter Art](https://twitter.com/HEISHUl/status/1311712336974163968)


	5. it would land on heads

_“School? Where’s this coming from?” Sojiro had every right to ask. It wasn’t like it was something Ren had even considered before recently. Regardless, it was a request that was out in the open now._

_“I just thought it would be a good experience,” was his rehearsed answer. “To be honest, I feel like I’m missing out on things like that.”_

_Schooling wasn’t a completely foreign thing to him; back in Inaba, his mom let him go to daycares as long as the student count was small. But after moving to Tokyo, and everything that happened, Sojiro had found it best to keep his existence as a whole a secret. Not that Ren could complain, but enjoying his teenage years was important as well. At least that's what Maruki said._

_“School’s overrated,” Futaba chimed from a booth, not looking up from her computer. “Besides, who’s gonna compare notes with me if you’re gone all day?”_

_“I could always do that when I got home.”_

_“But I’ll never see you! You’ll be at clubs, having a group of friends, and going on trips to hot springs, then forget all about me.”_

_Ren couldn’t help but chuckle. “I promise I won’t.” He then looked to Sojiro, who had his ever-gruff expression._

_Then he sighed, his face softening. “I’ll see what I can do… Just promise that if you do start school, you’ll do well. Keep your head down, get good grades, and try not to cause any trouble.”_

_Ren felt his heart warm up immediately. “I will! Thank you so much!”_

\---

Ren didn’t fully remember falling asleep in the attic. It might’ve been a few episodes into Feathernan R when he drifted off. Akechi’s head was on his chest, the weight slightly pleasant. It wasn’t the same as Morgana, but it was comforting nonetheless. A part of Ren had believed he was going to wake up to those same white walls of his cell, a camera in the corner watching his every move, his body feeling like it was going to sink into an ocean of ink— He blinked hard, shutting the image out of his head. He was home, he had been home for two days now, and Goro Akechi of all people had helped him escape.

Ren always had second thoughts on his judgment; leading the Phantom Thieves did that, naturally. He often wondered a year later if killing Kamoshida, but letting Madarame live, was the right thing. If the amount of people who had to die was worth his goal. If going through Cochlea was worth it.

Was it worth helping Akechi? He hated that he still didn’t know. 

He had gotten an earful from Makoto and Ryuji. Someone so far into Shido’s circle couldn’t be trusted under any circumstances, yet Akechi trusted _him._ Akechi trusted him so much that he had told him...everything. But why?

And for some reason, Ren trusted him as well, to a certain extent. Was it the sense of solidarity? Another person who knew exactly what it was like to never truly belong anywhere?

He looked at the boy’s peaceful expression. “Hey…” he said quietly, nudging Akechi’s shoulder.

“Mmmgh…” Akechi didn’t move, just let out another soft snore. 

Ren sighed. “Rest well.” He softly picked Akechi up, shifting himself so he was off his chest, then sat him down on the bed. It was cute in a way.

He looked out the small window, not noticing how late it had gotten. What a long day, even without school or Phantom Thieves business. Perhaps after spending two months not being able to do anything besides read and sleep, it was strange to have a productive day.

Two months...even if it didn’t fully feel that way in Cochlea. He hardly believed Sae whenever she told him the date. In that cell it felt like time didn’t pass. No clock, no windows, and everything that too-clean shade of white. To Ren, it felt like a very long dream with small intervals when he was awake. A dream where all he could think about was how badly he failed his friends. Thinking about how they would’ve reacted to his death, them and the rest of the people who had made his life more fulfilling. How easy it was for everything they had worked towards to end with a single shot. The returned feeling of knowing that if he fell asleep, there was no guarantee he would wake up. A feeling he hadn’t had in years. And how lonely it was, not a voice or a sound other than of his own heart.

Whenever Akechi or Sae visited, it somehow chained him back into the real world. Being able to talk to someone, even for a short while, helped ease the deafening silence. Bantering with Akechi reminded him that he was still alive and not trapped in some sort of purgatory, and Sae’s updates about Makoto reminded him that they cared about him. It was touching, but Joker couldn’t show weakness, not even for a moment. He had to stay strong, even when everything seemed impossible. 

If Joker weren’t the reliable leader of the Phantom Thieves, or if Akira Kurusu weren’t the listener of the group, Ren Amamiya would have broken down in front of them, sobbing like a child. But drowning in his fear wasn’t going to change the situation, and Joker was all he had to keep himself from faltering. 

Even if Joker was just as much of a monster as he was, at least he wore it with pride…

He looked to Akechi again, his body completely at ease. What did Akechi see, he wondered. If there was one thing he envied, it was how much of a switch there was in Akechi’s personality after all pretenses were dropped. Akechi knew the detective prince was a lie, a mask, and he had discarded it without question. He had become...almost unapologetically himself.

But Ren knew that he wasn’t the same. Akechi’s mask wasn’t made by him, it was crafted by Shido and used by Akechi to fit the mold.

Why had he given Akechi _his_ name? Why didn’t he introduce himself the same way he had to everyone else he had met in the past two years? He understood Akechi, he knew that but...

Ren got out his phone and sent a quick text to Futaba, knowing she would be awake.

**Ren: Tell Morgana to come back to the cafe. I’m going out.**

**Taba: you okay? Is Akechi trying something?**

**Ren: he’s asleep. I just need a second. I’ll be home soon.**

He pocketed his phone after turning it off, then pulled his hood over his head. The attic was starting to get stuffy; some air would be nice for now. A walk around town to clear his head...that would be nice.

—-

_Sakamoto was nice. A bit loud, kinda rowdy, but nice. He was something new, Ren realized. Someone who was always excited, and seemed so…bright. Perhaps that was what he was missing all this time. A part of the school experience was becoming more social, after all, and as much as the idea of a group of friends scared Futaba, it excited Ren._

_Sakamoto had been the first one to introduce himself to Ren, a member of the school’s track team. Their star runner, in fact. Morgana didn’t like him, citing the fact that he was far too loud and being around him would make Ren dumber, but Ren wasn’t going to let the cat choose who got to be his friend. Sakamoto saw that he was very lost on the way to school on the first day, being incredibly disoriented after getting off the train. Everyone else had just given him looks, probably not understanding how someone good enough to go to Shujin Academy could be so lost, dazed, and confused simply walking to school._

_“You gonna join any clubs, Kurusu?” he asked on Ren’s second day of school, when they decided to eat lunch on the roof. Ren didn’t care much for human food that wasn’t Sojiro’s curry, but it felt rude not to eat with his first friend._

_He hesitated for a moment, not used to being addressed by his father’s name, then shrugged._

_“Well, track’s always looking for new members; you look like you’d be a great runner!”_

_Ren gave him a small smile, but still said nothing._

_“You don’t have a lot to say, do you?”_

_He shook his head. “There isn’t much to say,” he said honestly._

_“We’ll fix that.” Sakamato gave him a wide smile._

\---

The moment Ren walked into Leblanc the next morning, alarm rose in his mind. The smell of something burning was thick in the air. He hadn’t background checked Akechi for affinity to arson. He wouldn’t doubt if the detective had dabbled at some point.

“I didn’t notice when you left last night,” Akechi greeted Ren, tone accusatory. As if he was blaming Ren for the current situation.

“You were pretty fast asleep. Wouldn’t even stir when I tried to push you off of me.” 

Akechi was standing behind the counter of the cafe, the tips of his hair white with flour. Some had scattered on his cheek and forehead too. His face looked affronted, but there was that slight flush in his cheeks again. Ren wasn’t dumb enough to think it was pure embarrassment.

In Akechi’s hand was a pan containing two charred, lumpy circles. Ren snorted. 

“Don’t make fun of me; I couldn’t handle curry for breakfast again.” 

“I think that’s very weak-spirited.”

“Yeah, you’re oh so strong and powerful because your entire food menu is curry.”

“And ghouls’ hearts.”

Akechi seemed less than amused. Too bad.

“Let’s go get you something to eat, then,” Ren placated, if only because he was worried Akechi would develop a monobrow from how knitted his eyebrows were together. “After we clean up; Sojiro would kill me if he saw this.”

Akechi didn’t look very convinced, hesitating to take another look at his botched breakfast. As if with another try, he might be able to make it work. Ren was terrified to look at the Leblanc garbage disposal for how many attempts happened before Ren got to the former investigator.

“I’ll let you pick the place. No curry.”

Akechi looked satisfied with that. After washing the charred pan and sweeping all burnt remains from the floor, Akechi picked up his hoodie and motioned for Ren to lead the way.

Ren started for the door, then thought about it and cut off Akechi’s path. Akechi looked surprised, but stopped himself in time to not crash into Ren again. Ren lifted his hands to Akechi’s hair and buried his digits in the tufts, a bit taken aback by how soft they were. Akechi looked at him quizzically and was about to pull back, so Ren snapped out of it and started moving his hands, ruffling Akechi’s hair into a frizzy mess. 

Akechi let out an undignified yelp and pulled back, but it was too late. Ren studied his handiwork for a moment before taking off his glasses to gingerly place them on Akechi’s face. The frizz made the detective look a lot more pleasant, softening his sharp edges. Ren’s glasses fogged a bit with the heat radiating from Akechi’s red face. Ren dropped his hand and gestured to Akechi to follow him out. 

The half-ghoul lingered at the entrance for a beat too long before following Ren, two steps behind.

They stopped at a breakfast place eventually that Akechi deemed fit for his human food connoisseur standards. After hearing Akechi order an elaborate-sounding breakfast, Ren gave the menu a glance before muttering, “Coffee.”

Akechi raised an eyebrow at him and Ren shrugged. Most human food tasted terrible.

“They’re fake. Your glasses,” Akechi commented out of the blue, instead of addressing Ren’s minimalist choice of breakfast. 

Ren turned the question over in his head. “Yeah. They make me look plainer, less scary. I try my best not to stand out, given my situation.”

Akechi didn’t look satisfied with that answer at all, seeming to have caught on that there was more to it. Ren should’ve expected as much from the ace detective. 

Weathering Akechi’s oppressive curiosity, Ren added reluctantly, “In a sense, it also feels like I don’t have to face people directly, when wearing them. Like I’m being seen through a layer.”

“So, a mask, essentially. You have a lot of those.”

Ren had no choice but to nod in defeat, feeling meticulously read. 

Akechi looked contemplative, but didn’t press the issue further. Ren didn’t give anything more away of his own volition either, so they waited for their order in silence.

Akechi had gotten distracted on his phone at some point, so Ren unlocked his own. 

He noticed a couple of texts from Ann. 

**Ann: hey !! what are you doing?**

**Ann: wanna hang out?**

**Ren: I’m out getting Akechi some breakfast. He almost burnt down the cafe.**

**Ann: hanging out with the dove instead of your dear friend, huh. I see! I see!!! :((((((**

**Ren: want me to let him burn down the boss’s beloved coffee shop instead?**

**Ann: point. I’ll forgive you if you take me shopping later.**

**Ren: I’ll make some time for sure.**

**Ann: yayyy <3**

**Ann: have fun with the dove. He might be annoying and mean but he’s pretty to look at ;)**

**Ren: is he?**

**Ann: oh you’d know.**

**Ren: I would?**

**Ann: your dumb act really isn’t convincing at all.**

**Ren: : <**

Ren locked his phone just as the waitress arrived with their orders.

He quietly watched Akechi basically inhale his dish while he sipped on his coffee.

With Akechi’s cravings for select human foods sated momentarily, they started walking aimlessly around. Somehow they ended up in a shabby-looking arcade. They didn’t play any games, just chatted about trivial things while the machine lights flashed around them.

Ren caught a glimpse of red and black and instinctively hid his face from view. His glasses were still with Akechi. A flock of Shujin students walked into the probably-popular student hangout.

It was probably around noon now, and they were spending their precious lunch break spilling coins for a three letter congratulatory message on a small pixelated screen.

They were complaining to each other about something or the other, a mean teacher that tasked them with piles of homework maybe.

Ren remembered a scene similar to this, albeit the complaints were a lot more substantial than homework.

_\----_

_Ren would never forget the look of pure rage on Ryuji’s face when they had lunch together that day. Ryuji was a pretty happy guy from what he knew, so to see his features twisted into something so dark was shocking. He hesitated for a moment before asking, “What happened?”_

_Ryuji let out a long groan. “Effin’ Kamoshida. Everything about him just pisses me off.”_

_“The gym teacher?” Ren could admit that there was something about Kamoshida that had always felt off. The way he looked at the students during gym class... He always thought it was his imagination, but that look was so familiar._

_“Yeah, he’s killing the team. Cutting up our time so he can spend more of it on the volleyball team. When he does show up, he basically makes us run until we pass out, and acts all high and mighty if we complain. The second I say something, everyone else dogpiles me. He doesn’t give a shit about track, anyway. Why can’t anyone else see that?” Ryuji threw a wadded-up piece of paper across the roof, and Ren could feel the air get thicker._

_Another bad sign. Ren could only go off of hearsay, but he understood what Ryuji meant. Volleyball was what Kamoshida was held on high for; no wonder he would try to quietly shut down track. But...there had to be something else._

_“You look kinda scary with that look, man.”_

_Ren blinked, snapping out of his train of thought. “Sorry.”_

_“Don’t apologize. I’ll deal with it best I can. After school, I’m gonna call him out.”_

_Ren gave him a small smile. “All right, I have your back.”_

_It felt nice to say, and even better to believe._

_Something changed that day. Ryuji didn’t come to school over the next couple of days, and Ren was beginning to get worried. He knew getting sick was perfectly reasonable but...he hadn’t told him anything. And all Ren could do was sit in fear, with Kamoshida’s stare on the back of his head._

_It wasn’t until a few days later that he learned Ryuji had gotten very hurt. More hurt than the usual scuffs or scratches. He looked...terrible. Ryuji was in crutches, a cast around his leg, and had a dead look in his eye. “Yo…” he greeted, but there was no joy in it._

_What had happened? Did he have a run in with some ghoul? What had_ —

_“Was it Kamoshida?” The question flew out of his mouth before he could stop it._

_Ryuji froze, his eyes filled with fear. “Y-Yeah…” he admitted, as quiet as a mouse, yet Ren could hear it loud and clear._

_“What did he do?” Ren felt something inside of him that he hadn’t in a long time. “Tell me.”_

_Ryuji looked scared, terrified even, but he let out a shaky breath. “His eyes, Akira...and he…”_

_Ren felt a sense of dread as his suspicions were confirmed. “He did this to you.”_

_“Bastard called it a warning… He said next time he’d rip it off...and shit...I believe him. That wasn’t effin normal!”_

_“His eyes…were they red? And the whites of his eyes were black?”_

_Ryuji looked pale for a moment. “Y…Yeah. How did you know?”_

_Ren’s stomach churned. So Ryuji didn’t know about ghouls, or at least not enough to deduce that Kamoshida was one._

_That look should have tipped Ren off more, especially since it was one he had seen so many times in the worst parts of Yongen Jaya._

_The look of a predator getting ready to pounce on its prey._

_“There’s…a lot I need to tell you. I trust you, Sakamoto… but you need to promise to keep this a secret.”_

_The look of determination in Ryuji’s eyes filled Ren’s heart with warmth. He’d never forget the fact that Ryuji didn’t falter the moment Ren showed him his eyes. He didn’t freak out when he learned the truth, only reassured him, in spite of the fear, “I’ve got your back.”_

\---

Akechi, picking up on his discomfort fairly fast, glanced up, eyes immediately locking on the group of students. A look of understanding flashed across Akechi’s face and he nodded to Ren, pulling on the SSS Rank ghoul’s hand as he led them away from the rundown arcade.

They walked around for a while, no destination in particular in mind. The day slipping past, as it was already 3pm. 

A team of cyclists passed them by, which seemed to catch Akechi’s attention. Before Ren could ask, Akechi easily supplied, “I like cycling. I used to wake up early to do my route before going to work. It’s good exercise.”

“I prefer running.”

“I never really ran. I’ve tried bouldering, though. It’s hard at first, but very fun.”

“It sounds fun. And a pretty useful skill to have, too.”

Akechi gave him an approving look, like Ren had gotten his point. 

“I could go bouldering with you sometime.”

Akechi looked excited for a second before his face fell and he reined himself in. “I really don’t know a lot about the things _you_ like and dislike.” Akechi’s tone was a little dejected.

Ren stared at him for a bit. It was true. Running was something he enjoyed but did mostly because Ryuji was so passionate. Bouldering sounded fun, but only because Goro sounded so interested in it. It was weird for him to ever indulge in his own hobbies; most of them came from the people he was around. 

Ren thought for a bit before quietly muttering, “Fishing.”

“Fishing?”

“I like fishing. It’s relaxing and fun.”

Akechi stared at him dumbly, as if expecting more. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let’s go. I’m interested to see how good you are.”

“You’d be surprised.”

A look of excitement crossed Akechi’s face. 

“It doesn’t sound too hard; I bet I can catch up to you in no time.”

“Why don’t we find out?”

Akechi didn’t talk much on the way. Ren’s mind started wandering again when nothing was occupying him. His brain has been doing that a lot these past couple of days. A part of him was thankful that Akechi served as a great distraction, keeping his jumbled thoughts at bay. 

The smallest of things tugged on his memories and brought them to the forefront. It might be because he had come so close to death multiple times in a short span. Maybe the fact that he thought he would never see his friends again made him think of their memories together in a type of coping mechanism. 

Bits and pieces of his memories played before his eyes like a film whenever he let his mind stray away from the present.

And just like that, with a fallen newspaper catching his eye, his mind strayed once more.

——

_In the weeks that Ryuji had been recovering, they both learned how deep it all went. Most students knew Kamoshida was a ghoul, and even further, the faculty did as well. According to Ryuji, he was already a pervy piece of shit, but Ren knew from experience that some ghouls could develop rather sick obsessions based on preference, and their natural strength made it so much easier to get away with. Pervertedness was hardly the beginning of it._

_“Based on his tendencies, I’m sure he prefers the girls…” Ren said with a heavy tone, while they were walking to the subway one day after school._

_Ryuji’s face convulced in disgust. “So you_ — _They...really eat people?” His voice was as quiet as he could make it._

_Ren nodded slowly. “We don’t usually need much. For most ghouls, they can be sustained on things like blood, eyes, or an arm for quite a while. But...plenty get greedy; after some time it can stop being about survival. I think that’s what he’s doing...but I have no proof.”_

_“Eyes, too?”_

_“You’d be surprised.”_

_Ryuji stared at him for a moment before cracking a small smile. “You get pretty chatty when you’re focused. I’m not used to hearing you this much.”_

_Ren returned it. “I guess...this kinda stuff is important to me.”_

_“So, you guys are just people. Not all of you are disgusting freaks, I guess. That’d be rude to say.”_

_“I guess… I never really thought about it that way…”_

_Ryuji looked offended. “For real? You know how stupid you sound right now, dude? You’re the only one who stuck by me after all this shit. If that doesn’t make you a person, then I guess I’m not either.”_

_It was the first time someone’s reaction to him wasn’t immediate fear, and something in him confirmed he had made a good choice._

_“Thank you, Sakamoto.”_

_“Ryuji. We’re friends now, you don’t gotta be so formal.”_

_Friends…_

_“Ryuji.”_

———

Akechi let out another groan of frustration as his line came up empty again. Ren grinned at his own bucket, filled to the brim with colorful fish. 

“You’re cheating; this doesn’t make any sense.”

“I didn’t take you for a sore loser.”

Akechi glared. “It’s not over yet. I didn’t lose.”

“It’s one of the few things that isn’t a competition. Just relax a bit.”

“I don’t know what it means to relax.”

“Sure thing, dove.”

Akechi’s expression shifted slightly, almost imperceptibly. Ren was very adept at noticing tonal and mood shifts, however, and picked up on it immediately. 

“What is it?”

Akechi hesitated, his mouth opening and closing like the fish in Ren’s bucket. “I don’t like it, that word,” Akechi finally admitted.

“Dove?”

Akechi nodded quietly. Ren waited for the half-ghoul to elaborate, but Akechi left the topic at that. 

“Okay, I won’t call you that anymore.”

Akechi nodded again, his eyes stuck on the still water his line was submerged in. 

After a long time, Akechi groaned once more as his line came up with a tiny fish. 

“I give up!” he growled. 

“So soon?”

“We’ve been here for hours.”

Ren looked up to the sky; the sun was setting indeed. Time passed him by without him noticing.

Unlike the disorienting state of time in his cell, this was different. This was time flying by when he was enjoying it. It had been a long time since he’d done something he actually enjoyed. Usually the gratification of being with another person was enough, but this was different.

Akechi sneaked a glance at him, thinking he was stealthy enough not to be caught. There was a small smile on the detective’s face, gentle as the tide washing the wooden beams under them. 

———

_“You look like you’re in brighter spirits,” Morgana said, poking his head out of Ren’s bag as soon as the train came to a halt._

_Ren shrugged. “I guess school is going well.”_

_“Is it cuz of the vulgar blond guy?”_

_“Yeah...I trust him.”_

_Morgana looked at him like he was crazy. “Ren! Don’t tell me you_ — _”_

_“I did. And...he was okay with it. If anything, he almost found it cool.”_

_“That...huh?”_

_“It surprised me, too.”_

_Morgana’s expression was conflicted, extremely conflicted. “He’s human, right?”_

_Ren nodded._

_“Well, I can’t say too much, I guess. You were alone for so long, it must be nice for someone to be so open.”_

_“It is. I’m surprised things are going as well as they are.”_

_That conversation trailed off as soon as Ren noticed a girl on her phone, shaking and trying to conceal sobs. He recognized the girl as the one who sat in front of him in class, Takamaki, if he remembered correctly. She often looked exhausted, and he knew their peers tended to chastise her quite a bit. His heart sank. He probably should be home before dark, but another hour out wouldn’t kill him._

_“Takamaki-san?” he asked, trying to seem as unthreatening as possible. “Are you all right?”_

_Takamaki had fear in her eyes for a moment_ — _no, not fear. More akin to a threatening look._

_“Oh… Kurusu, right? How much did you hear?”_

_“Not a lot,” he answered honestly._

_She seemed to relax a bit. Her scent was odd, he couldn’t help but notice. Almost...fake?_

_Takamaki seemed cautious, but she wiped the tears from her face. “Well...thanks, I need to go_ — _”_

_“Wait,” Ren didn’t know exactly why he stopped her, “let’s talk. You look like you need it.”_

_She was scared at first when Ren asked if she was a ghoul, but her fear seemed to melt the moment he said he was one as well._

_“I knew there was something weird about your smell…” she said, stirring a glass of water._

_Ren didn’t say anything, just nodded._

_“You...really want to listen, do you?”_

_He didn’t lose anything from hearing her out._

_He learned a few things about Ann Takamaki that evening. She was willing to open up a bit after he told her he was friends with Ryuji. For one, she was a model, a rather successful one. She was directly involved with Kamoshida, albeit because someone very close to her was used as bait. And in spite of not being human, she loved sweets._

_“I guess I was born without the taste thing. Too bad it only works on sweet things…” she said._

_“I can relate, sort of,” Ren agreed, giving a piece of his food to Morgana, who now sat in Ann’s lap, very content. “I just don’t like how human food tastes.”_

_“Sounds kinda lame. I’m pretty jealous of them. At least with how much they’re able to taste. Shiho always tried to describe it to me, even if I couldn’t fully get things like sour.”_

_Ren cracked a small smile, “You sound close.”_

_Ann nodded, “I still don’t get how she didn’t freak out when I told her everything. She’s my best friend, honestly.”_

_His heart ached, feeling that cloud form around Ann’s head, so he opened up, ever so slightly._

_“Morgana is like that… A best friend, I mean…”_

_Ann chuckled softly, giving the cat a pet. “This little guy?”_

_“He’s been by my side forever. I tell him everything.”_   
  


_It sounded sad, saying that to another person, but if anything it felt like a step forward._

_“Well…” Ann trailed off for a moment. “You can talk to me too, Akira. You listened to me, it's only fair I do the same.”_

_It was odd, hearing such a heartfelt statement from another person, from a ghoul no less. Yet it felt completely genuine._

_“Thank you, Ann.”_

———

Akechi, despite claiming he was not in fact a sore loser, insisted on a game of chess before Ren left for the night.

Ren thought a part of Akechi just wanted to keep him around, wanting the company, but the bigger part was certain that Akechi just wanted to prove that there was something he was better than Ren at.

He was fairly certain that Akechi was very confident in his chess playing skills. Ren wasn’t as practiced, more familiar with shogi, but the rules were similar enough that he thought he had a good chance against the detective as well.

Akechi took him seriously from the beginning of the game, not daring to hold back against Ren despite his confidence in his skills. 

Ren played to win, as he always did. In the end though, Akechi was just so well-versed in the game that he swiftly overtook the board, white swallowing black.

With a final flick of his wrist, Akechi took down his king with a smug, “Checkmate.”

Ren stared at the board, almost fully white, then lifted his gaze to Akechi’s in challenge. “Again.”

“Who’s the sore loser now?” Akechi chided, but moved to rearrange the pieces anyways. 

Ren graced him with no answer.

“You were pretty distracted throughout the day. I apologize if my company was not very entertaining.” There was no snide or bitterness in Akechi’s voice, only a little anxiousness and just a dash of worry. 

Akechi placed the pawn that he was anxiously pinching between his thumb and index finger and spinning on the board when Ren didn’t give an answer.

Ren thought about it, about how much he could really say. He didn’t want to lie, but he found it harder to say things truthfully. 

He almost thought he could get away with quietly ignoring the clear question at hand, but then Akechi let out a humorless, dry laugh and Ren couldn’t help himself.

“No, it’s not that. I had fun. Really. I haven’t gone fishing in a long time too, so I really enjoyed my time today.” He knew he wouldn’t get away with just answering one of Akechi’s questions, and yet he still gave Akechi an inch knowing he’d ask for a mile.

And sure enough, Akechi leveled him with a pointed look, waiting for elaboration.

“I’m just thinking.”

“About?”

“Nothing complicated, just the past. My friends. Memories.”

“Oh.” Akechi studied him thoughtfully for an uncomfortable moment before he decidedly dropped his gaze and the subject, leaving it at a quiet, “I’d be interested to hear about it; it might help to talk.”

Rich coming from Akechi, who spent his entire life under a thick mask. Pot calling kettle black, really. Akechi did, however, suddenly open up to Ren the other day. It made Ren envious, how easily the half-ghoul could cast away his mask and inhibitions. He wished he could do that someday, too.

“I might just take you up on that offer.” It wasn’t a complete lie. Ren wished he could.

Leaving the subject at that, they went back to their game.

They played for a while, Ren studying Akechi’s patterns through the multiple matches. 

Instead of frustration, it was exhilaration on Akechi’s features the more pieces Ren took from him. The closer Ren came to winning, the more eager Akechi became. 

Finally, after god knows how many matches, the spread of black and white on the board was almost equal, but Akechi held the dark, smooth king piece in his hand, smiling as he crooned, “Checkmate.” 

Ren had come so close that time, but Akechi still won. He huffed in disappointment. 

“It’s been a while.” Akechi looked content. “Since someone has given me this much of a challenge. You’re a worthy rival, Amamiya.”

Ren thought it was funny that Goro’s unit of gauging people’s worth was their ability to one-up him. There were very few that could, Ren knew. 

He thought for a bit. He was unsure of his feelings. It was a mess that he didn’t currently have the mind to get into, but he was sure of how much he’d enjoyed his time with Akechi. Their day was enjoyable, and he wouldn’t at all mind spending many more hours with the boy. Ren glanced at the attic, with half a mind to stay over once more for some Feathermen binging. He knew Akechi appreciated the company.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. 

**Taba: are you coming home early tonight?**

**Me: Is something wrong?**

**Taba: I’m being ignored! You fell asleep last night, and didn’t even see me when you got home!! :V**

Ren sighed and turned to Akechi. “I need to go.”

“ _Oh.”_ Akechi couldn’t hide the tiny look of disappointment that crossed his face. “Goodnight, then. Sleep well, Amamiya.”

Ren hesitated for a second before murmuring, “Ren.”

“What?”

“Ren. You can call me Ren.”

Akechi’s eyes reflected many feelings at once. Surprise, tenderness, fear, and a delicate layer of darkness that Ren couldn’t thoroughly dissect before it disappeared. In the end, Akechi settled his expression into a pleasant one, not quite a mask, but not completely real either. 

But then again, who was he to judge?

“Ren,” Akechi said, probably just to try it out. “Goodnight, Ren.”

Ren nodded and left without pressing the issue further.

**Ren: yeah I’m on my way.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is probably gonna go longer than we hoped, whoops.
> 
> No art this time, but thank you all for reading as always.


	6. there's a chance i'll drop it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, your gift is an extra long chapter!!

“Do you ever get mad?”

The question held a lot of weight, Goro realized. In the week he had been staying with him, he still knew nothing about Ren other than the mask he had been presented with. The mask the other members of the Phantom Thieves saw, the ever-reliable Akira Kurusu. And as far as Goro could tell, Akira had no true emotions. Only a calm demeanor that made him very easy to talk to, the type who would ease all of your troubles just by telling you what you wanted to hear. From his time observing, he’d found that the difference between how Ren interacted with Takamaki compared to Makoto was day and night. Takamaki saw someone different; her friend, not just her leader. Makoto saw her confidant whom she trusted, and someone who had helped her through her problems. Goro could always tell there was more, more than Ren was ever willing to show. Perhaps it was the detective in him who wanted to know everything about this enigma of a person.

“That’s an odd question,” came Ren’s non-answer. 

“A fair one. I’ve lived here for a week and I’ve never seen you show genuine anger.”

Ren simply shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“That’s hardly an answer but…whatever. Why? Do you think your anger scares your friends?”

Ren paused, almost dropping the pot of boiling water in his hands. Goro couldn’t help but smirk, right on target. 

“It makes sense. Your friends need you to be their leader. What good are emotions like anger or even rage?”

Ren sighed, pouring the water into the filter.

“Nothing to say?”

“No.”

“How sad. Even when I strike a nerve, I barely get a reaction out of you.”

“I see it more as, it takes a lot for me to actually get mad.”

“Like threats? I wonder what Suguru Kamoshida did to be the first to face the wrath of Joker...or the other ghouls that contributed to all that power you wield.”

Ren looked towards the wall, pushing up those fake glasses, “This conversation feels meaningless.” A fresh cup of coffee was placed in front of him. The scent was amazing; Goro quickly got to work putting sugar and cream into the drink. 

“Not quite. It teaches me more about you.”

“For the sake of research? Are you that bored with no fake case to solve?”

Goro sighed. “Curiosity. When you’re ‘Akira’, you’re hidden, just a shoulder for your friends to lean on. Hardly a person.”

He heard a soft growl, almost demanding Goro drop the conversation. 

“Reminds me of myself.”

“Is that how the ‘Detective Prince’ was?”

“Every moronic move had to be for the sake of being in the good graces of the masses. As much as I hate my current lack of purpose, I love being free from that.”

“I see…”

“Do you ever have that moment? Where you can drop the act and simply be yourself?”

“I…am myself.”

“Bullshit. You’re giving me the same shit you give your friends.”

Ren let out a growl under his breath, the same one he had in Cochlea. His eyes were refusing to face Goro’s. A warning, if anything.

“Honestly, it pisses me off. You’re showing me the mask even after everything. Why is that? Are you afraid of me running off? Even after all I’ve seen of you.”

“Drop it.”

He couldn’t. Not when he could feel an impending victory. “You hide behind those fake glasses, a fake name, and a mask so expertly constructed that no one would know it’s even there. Everything about you is a damned oxymoron. You don’t fight in spite of being so powerful, and you even hide it. You’re a friend to so many, yet they know nothing about you. Is it cowardice? Or are you just so content with your role as leader that you think you're above showing them who you really are—”

“ _ Enough.”  _

A shatter resounded around the empty cafe, and it took Goro a moment to realize that Ren’s hands were bleeding, and shards of a coffee cup were falling from them. The ghost of anger in Ren’s eyes faded immediately as soon as he smelled his own blood, then he rushed to remove the gloves from his hands. Goro had almost forgotten how odd they were. The way his skin faded into a deep black, then ended in sharp claws. The fact that they were strong enough to crush a coffee mug was not lost on Goro. If anything, it made the pieces fit. 

“You’re scared of it.”

Ren froze on the spot. 

“Your true self,” Goro elaborated. “It scares you.”

Ren looked down towards the sink, then shut off the water, returning to the dining room. He was quiet, almost like he had been caught committing a crime. “The detective prince strikes again…” he said humorlessly. 

Then it all made sense. Everything made sense 

“Ren…”

“Another time. Just...not now.”

It felt like a hollow victory.

“Fine.”

Ren avoided his gaze for the rest of the evening. 

\----

“You look like shit, man.”

“I feel like shit.” 

It wasn’t an understatement. The light buzz he usually had from training wore off all too quickly, leaving the same feelings he’d had for the past week. No, they were worse. Instead of the mess inside of his head, he was left with a far too thick fog over his heart. 

Ryuji took a long gulp of water. “Is it the dove?”

Ren nodded. 

“I mean, I get being mad and all, but I still don’t get why he’s living at Leblanc.”

“To be honest, I don’t either…” Ren had been thinking about the reasoning behind his actions for too long now. The more he thought, the more frustrating it became. Especially with how Akechi was in general. Last night had crossed a line, making Ren wonder if it was a mistake. Akechi was still a dove, at the end of the day. He couldn’t take that out of him by having him live amongst ghouls. Ren was a case to him, a mystery to solve. Their circumstances hadn’t changed that. 

If anything, Ren was disappointed. After everything, he was hoping that… Akechi had been better, or at the very least more accepting of how he was. Maybe he was asking too much of him. Akechi was a dove raised to be a poster boy, and even if it was fake, it must’ve shaped him in some way. 

“Quit looking down like that, dude. You’re bumming me out.”

Ryuji gave him a playful shoulder nudge, and Ren sighed, smiling despite himself. He could always count on Ryuji to cheer him up, even temporarily. “I guess...I don’t know. I’m lost? I don’t know what to do at this point.”

Ryuji looked worried for a moment. “What happened? Did you guys fight?”

Ren looked at the people passing by on the street. “Akechi started prying. I got upset and snapped at him. Well…I broke a cup, then left after he figured out all he wanted to know.”

Ryuji, bless his heart, didn’t have an overreaction.

“A few days ago, he opened up to me. After we hung out, I guess he wanted me to do the same…”

“I get it… I mean, it's on Akechi for expecting so much, I guess.”

“...Don’t I owe him that? Isn’t that fair?”

“If you aren’t ready to open up, he can’t just force you. Don’t feel so bad about it, Akira. You just need some space after babysitting him for a week.”

“Sojiro said that too…” Ren chuckled lightly. “Futaba said to just try not to let it get to me, but I can’t help but worry. We’re...the same, Ryuji. Of course he wanted me to level with him.”

“There you go again. It's just the kind of guy you are. Take some time for yourself and get your mind off him.” Ryuji gave him a bright smile. “We should hit the arcade before Ann gets out of her shoot. Think we got time for ramen?”

Ren returned his smile, feeling some of the fog in his chest clear. “I doubt it. And Ann will get mad we left her out.”

“She can’t even eat ramen! Ugh, fine. Just the arcade then. I doubt training was great bro time; you were pretty focused.”

“I can’t help it. I needed to blow off steam.”

It was actually fun, even if Ren was still out of practice for most of the games. Ryuji was right, this helped a lot. Of course, time began to slip away from them, and they had to rush to the underground mall before Ann blew up both of their phones.

“Hello, stranger!” Ann greeted. “As fashionably late as ever, I see.”

“Ann, you’re acting like we’ve been estranged for years.” Ren gave her a warm smile.

“Might as well have, ditching me for the pretty prince. I can’t believe you’d do that to me; solidarity really is a myth!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Ren saw Ryuji trying to stealthily motion for Ann to close this subject. Ren held back a laugh.

“Come on, I came to hang out today like I promised. I’ll carry your bags,” Ren placated. Ann pretended to think about it, her arms crossed, before throwing her arms around him in a tight hug. 

“Yay! I love you, no hetero!!” 

Ryuji quickly asserted, “Dude, you don’t need to say ‘no hetero’ every time.” 

“Yes I do, otherwise people will start assuming stuff. How are you doing?” Her question was aimed directly at Ren, to which he could only answer with a shrug.

“I’m managing, I guess.”

“Well, shop therapy always makes me feel better! They finally have their winter scents in stock at the Body Chop—”   
  
Ryuji groaned rather loudly. “I ain’t going to the perfume store today!”

“Fine, you’ll wait outside while Ren and I have at it. You like the peppermint stuff, right, Ryuji?”

“I’ll be sure to pick it up for you, and something for Futaba too,” Ren said.

Ryuji sighed in relief. “Thanks, dude.” Then a small smile grew on his face, “I can stay outside when you guys go shoe shopping too, right? I mean, Akira can carry most of your stuff…”

Ann glared at him. “Don’t push your luck.”

“Ughhh….”

With her arms linked to his, Ann basically manhandled Ren through the mall. Ryuji was lagging a few steps behind, sipping on a protein shake he’d picked up while Ren and Ann were in some shop or the other.

“Are you really okay?” A serious note took over the usual cheery, carefree one in Ann’s voice. 

“I’m just tired.”

“Akira. You can talk to me.” Her voice was quiet, but serious. 

Ann had always been so keen about changes in people’s moods, and was able to effortlessly pick up on emotions. Sometimes even before they did. Ren guessed it came with her empathetic nature.

“I’m angry.” Ann squeezed the arm she had latched onto reassuringly, urging him to keep going. “I don’t know why I’m so angry.”

“You’re allowed to feel angry, Akira. You don’t need to justify your feelings.”

She was right. He knew in the back of his mind that she often was with those kinds of things, but the raw intensity of his feelings towards anything pertaining to the detective prince perplexed him.

“I just thought—” What? That Akechi had understood him? Had the ability to understand him? That the detective prince would be the first person to be able to see him for who he truly was, and completely accept him on a deeper, fundamental level? “I thought he saw me as more than a fun little mystery he wanted to unravel.”

“Aw, ‘Kira,” Ann comfortingly patted his arm, then hummed thoughtfully before supplying, “Maybe he does, and it’s just his old detective tendencies coming out. Living as an investigator, it might be hard to break out of that mindset, if purely out of habit.”

Ren gave her a pointed look. 

“I’m not trying to make excuses for him! It just wouldn’t make sense that he sees you so pragmatically, especially with the way he—” Ann bit her lip, as if stopping herself from saying too much.

Ren studied her conflicted expression. Ann had always been very perceptive of such things. “The way he looks at me?”

“You see it too?” Ann perked up, not having to say it herself. 

“It’s difficult to ignore.”

“Yeah, he’s not exactly slick about it. So…” Ann started, a glint of unbridled curiosity in her eyes. Her gossipy nature was breaking free.

“I don’t know.”

“But you’re thinking about it?”

“I’m thinking about it.”

“Hold on,” Ryuji suddenly piped up. He had been silently following the conversation, trying to make sense of it, but had evidently given up. “What are you guys talking about? I’m not following.”

Ann peered at Ren, asking. Ren shook his head. Ann clamped her mouth shut. 

“I’ll tell you when I find out,” Ren settled on, finally. 

Ryuji looked confused but nodded slowly. 

Through the rest of the outing, Ann and Ryuji talked enthusiastically and Ren listened, fondly letting their chatter fill his mind. 

_ \---- _

After waving goodbye to his friends and making his way back to Yongen, Ren found himself being drawn to another place. It wasn’t often that he visited Maruki, not since he started making friends and having a more stable life, but sometimes just talking felt nice. Maruki didn’t judge, and even if his advice was a dice roll, he cared enough to always give it to him. 

The doctor was at his desk when Ren arrived, reading over something with a box of apple juice by his side. He couldn’t help but scan the picture of Maruki and a red-headed woman, a picture that had been there since Ren was a child. 

“Good evening, Dr. Maruki,” he greeted, sitting down in a chair in front of the desk. 

Maruki looked up, and immediately relief flooded the man’s eyes. He smiled gently. “I’m glad to see you’re okay, Amamiya-kun. I shouldn’t have assumed the worst.”

Ren simply shrugged at Maruki’s words. “I see word spreads quickly.” 

“More that I know how to listen. So, what brings you in today? It’s strange seeing you here so late.”

Honestly, Ren didn’t know. Maybe because even if he didn’t speak, Maruki could read whatever he was feeling, which made his life easier. Or maybe because he needed a way to deal with the mess of emotions wrapped up in his body that wasn’t unleashing his kakuja to kill whatever it saw. 

The atmosphere of Maruki’s little clinic always seemed comforting in the nostalgic sense. The door was always open, even if Maruki was a human who lived in a ghoul-infested town. On nights that seemed too cold, he could always trust that he could rest there and know no one could hurt him, or that Maruki wouldn't try to chase him out like he was a stray cat in the morning. Yet despite that, Ren could never bring himself to talk. 

“I guess school has taught me to do better. But my sense of time is still messed up…” he answered honestly.

Maruki gave that far too sympathetic smile. “I can’t imagine. Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

Again, he didn’t know. “Sort of? I guess…I’m just confused.”

Maruki was patient as Ren searched for the right words. 

Ren sighed. “I helped a dove escape with me…the detective prince. I… He… He’s like me.”

Maruki looked at him with a rather intense curiosity. “As in…”

He nodded without hearing the rest of the doctor’s sentence. “He’s like me. And… I don’t know why I wanted to help him…why I still want to help him. My judgement’s been cloudy and… I can’t afford that. Not when so much still needs to be done.”

“And you think it’s because of him?” Maruki’s tone wasn’t smug or accusatory. If anything, it seemed like he was making an observation. 

Nevertheless, Ren gave a small nod. “We had an argument, for lack of a better word. He prodded too much and I snapped. I feel bad, regardless. He bared everything to me and I… I shouldn’t trust him. I shouldn’t want anything to do with him… I shouldn’t like when he’s by my side. He tried to kill me, and he… I don’t know.”

Maruki seemed to have perked up, and gave him a small smile. “Emotions are strange things, Amamiya-kun. And they can't always be reasoned with.”

He already knew that. It’s why he didn’t try most of the time. “And?”

“Perhaps it’s the opposite. You know how you feel, or at least you’re aware of it. Now it’s more a matter of actually facing him.”

Ren didn’t know. He cared about Goro enough to help him escape, enough to give him a place to stay. He felt at ease around him. He didn’t have to pretend around Goro…that’s…why he was so upset. It was different between them. Goro didn’t know him as Akira; he knew him as Ren, and wanted to know Ren. And a year ago, that would’ve been easy. A year ago, Goro would’ve known him, and Ren wouldn’t have been so hesitant to show him. Why was it so hard now? Because the Phantom Thieves were such a large presence in his life? He put his fingers to his hair, absentmindedly fiddling with one of the loose curls.

“You look like you’re overthinking.” Maruki looked almost amused. “I can’t psychoanalyze your relationship with the detective prince, but I can tell that what you feel is deeper than you realize. You have someone you can finally connect to on a fundamental level, and it’s someone who you already cared about. I’ll admit, what he did was invasive, and it’s only normal that you snapped, but avoiding him won’t fix anything, especially when that connection was being built.”

Ren couldn’t argue with that. He loved that Goro would understand him the day he told him everything. He’d understand beyond sympathetic looks or vague empathy. He loved how Goro was willing to keep up with him, and didn’t get scared when he decided for once not to hold anything back. If anything, Goro had reveled in it. It was…refreshing. 

Maruki smiled at him. “It looks to me like you found your answer.”

“It feels like fate?” Ren offered, poking at the chair. “I barely know him, but…I just get it.”

Maruki hummed. “In some cases, you just know. And you can’t always rationalize or explain it. It feels corny to tell you to follow your heart, but it’s the best advice I can give you right now. You know what you want. You don’t need to rush it, though. Take your time.”

Ren breathed a heavy sigh, and muttered a quiet, “Thank you.” He gave the doctor a small smile, grabbing a small bag of chips from a bowl on the desk. He pulled his hood over his head, hoping that he could spend the rest of the evening napping while Futaba watched something. 

_ ——— _

Ren didn’t speak to Goro for a couple of days after that. Aside from quiet pleasantries, the boy only came to the cafe to help wait tables or do schoolwork. Something was stirring in Goro’s chest, though he didn’t know exactly what. 

Goro had fucked up.

He saw loose ends and couldn’t help but tug at them; he’d made Ren uncomfortable.

It felt like all the steps they’d made had been erased and they were back to square one. Ren wouldn’t even look at him on the rare occasion he showed up.

For the first couple of days, Goro just brushed it off as the leader of the phantom thieves being busy. It had been a few more days now, and Goro could no longer attempt to lie to himself. 

He’d fucked up and he was reaping the consequences.

He steeled himself. The next time he saw Ren, he would apologize. For prying, for invading Ren’s personal space. He’d never apologized to anyone before, or felt the drive to do so with such genuine intensity before. 

There was this inexplicable pit in his stomach as long as Ren avoided him. Fear and dread and something else. Goro didn’t like to think about it.

“You look better than I expected for a dead man walking.” It had been a while since he’d last seen Sae. Texts and calls were something, but the escape had left her with so much work that she hadn’t been able to meet up with him like this in weeks.

“You look a little worse for wear though, Sae-san. Have you been working too hard?”

“That’s not something you should be telling a lady, Akechi. Which fugitive's fault would that be?” Sae raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

“We’ve really troubled you this time around, Sae-san.” Then, with as much sincerity as he could muster, “Thank you for everything, really.”

Sae smiled warmly at him, like she always had, and patted him a few times on the head. “I will always have your back, Akechi.”

“As I will have yours, Sae-san.”

“I’ll count on you for that.”

Sae glanced briefly at Sojiro, who was busy fixing a cup of coffee behind the counter, before lowering her voice a few decibels. “So, where is Kurusu? How have things been with him?”

Goro knew he couldn’t hide much from Sae about these kinds of issues; she had always been attuned to his moods and emotions even if she didn’t know a lot past them. It was still commendable, but mostly extremely dreadful that she could still pick up on those pesky feelings even after such a long time since they’d last seen each other.

“He hasn't been stopping by much lately. I guess he’s busy.” He knew he couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. Goro knew Ren’s tight schedule wasn’t the case at hand here.

Sae gave him a look that was far too sharp and entirely too knowing. “You had a fight.”

It was a conclusion, not an inquiry. Goro had no chance to deny anything. As one would expect from a top-tier investigator.

“Not quite.” He finally settled on, not letting much show. 

“Out with it, what did you do?”

“Why are you so sure it was me?” Goro muttered bitterly and Sae gave him a meaningful look. He sighed.

“I messed up,” he admitted quietly. “I made him uncomfortable.”

Sae waited for him to elaborate, a thoughtful look crossing her features, so Goro did, more voluntarily than he’d like to admit.

“I pushed for answers he wasn’t ready to give. I treated him like, some... case. I’m— I’m not used to this. I’m not used to...”

“Dealing with people your age?”

“Not genuinely, at least. I haven’t had much practice, in all fairness.”

Sae sighed with a small smile. “Talk to him, he’ll come around.”

“Really?” His voice sounded smaller than he would’ve liked. Sae’s expression softened. 

“I’m sure he will. Just talk it out and properly apologize. He doesn’t seem like the type to hold grudges over small things.”

Evidently, Goro thought, contemplating over how Ren was fine with Goro after all the detective had done.

“I’ll try.” He had planned to apologize anyways. He didn’t know what he would do if Ren didn’t forgive him, but he would see this through. He’d give Ren time, and hopefully, he’d come around as Sae said he would.

“Be careful, okay?” Sae said when they had to part ways. “It’ll be a while before I can come to visit again, but you can always call me if you need anything, all right?”

“I’ll take you up on that.”

“Even if it’s just to talk. I might not know much about your…” she hesitated before continuing, “...situation, but I can always listen if you need an ear.”

Goro had half the mind to groan in embarrassment. He knew that the “situation” Sae was speaking of could be nothing but the unsolicited swarm of emotions he felt towards his generous half-ghoul benefactor, for lack of better words to call it. He refused to give those feelings a name.

“I’ll call,” Goro said, barely keeping a neutral face. “To talk.” 

The most worrisome part was that he felt that if Ren avoided him for much longer, he really would call to whine about his hurt feelings to Sae. 

This was getting completely out of hand.

———

Goro's face sprung up when he heard the bell jingle. He had been sitting at the counter for a long time, long after Sojiro had closed the cafe and left for the day. 

There were very few options for who this late-night visitor could be. When Goro caught a glimpse of the frizzy tufts of black hair and the glare of light reflecting off of glass, he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

It was Ren.

He wouldn’t be caught dead saying this out loud, but he missed this familiarity, no matter how cold his heart felt at the way Ren avoided meeting Goro’s eyes.

“I came to get something; I’ll be out soon.”

Goro’s chest felt even colder, and an ache that he associated with taking a breath of ice-cold air came along with the chill. 

Ren made a beeline for the attic and in a few minutes came back down with a few dvd cases. Sakura had probably asked him to get them. Goro should remember to either thank her or curse her out, depending on how this went.

Ren rushed to get to the door, but Goro clutched his elbow, stopping in the SSS-rank ghoul’s determined path. “Ren,” he said, a pleading note he didn’t like seeping into his voice. 

Ren shook off the detective’s hand, making it drop lamely back to Goro’s side. It stung. At least he didn’t leave immediately and stood where Goro had stopped him, the ex-investigator placated himself. 

“I—“ Goro tried, but the words got stuck in his throat. It wasn’t pride, he realized, as his apologies died again and again on the tip of his tongue. It was fear. 

An apology was asking for forgiveness, and he didn’t know if he would receive it. It scared him, what it would mean if Ren had decided to not want anything to do with him anymore. His stomach felt hollow with dread.

He fisted his hands to hide the tremor in them. He said he would see it through, so he would. If Ren never forgave him, he’d accept that. He had to. 

Ren had every right to. Ren actually should never forgive him, if he had any reason to. Maybe this really was the straw that broke the camel’s back; maybe this was how Goro finally got what he deserved.

Ren said nothing as Goro’s train of thought deteriorated, only letting out a sigh and turning to leave. 

Goro panicked, and that pushed him to finally let the words out. “I’m sorry!”

Ren slowly turned to look at him. Goro’s head was canted downwards, hands balled into fists at his sides. 

Ren said nothing, still, but he wasn’t leaving anymore. 

Goro looked up unsteadily, eyes unfocused with dread and nervousness. “I’m sorry,” he repeated shakily before pressing on. “I pushed too far, I didn’t know my limits and I made you uncomfortable. I apologize for that. You’re not obligated to tell me anything, as I am not in any way entitled to any answers. I apologize that I acted that way.” He let it out in one breath, words meshing together into almost being unintelligible.

“I was selfish and I treated you poorly. I am sincerely sorry. You don’t have to accept my apology, I just wanted to let you know that I truly regret invading your space in the way I did.”

Goro gulped down air greedily after having said his piece the best he could. “I’m sorry,” he let out finally, just one more time to make sure. 

Ren was quiet for a long while, and despite Goro’s big talk of being okay with Ren’s refusal, his head still spun with dread. Every minute that passed, the pit in his stomach deepened, and every tick of the watch on Ren’s wrist made his chest feel colder.

Goro only snapped out of his trance when he felt Ren’s gloved hand circle around his wrist. Goro didn’t even manage to glance at Ren quizzically before he was dragged up the stairs and into the attic. 

“Ren?” Goro’s voice was a little hoarse despite his quiet tone. 

Ren sat Goro down on the bed and sat beside him, unlocking his phone to briefly tap something out, then quickly locking it. “Truthfully, I was uncomfortable at first. It felt invasive.”

Goro registered the words then nodded solemnly. Before he could utter another apology, Ren carried on.

“But,” Ren paused, taking a deep breath. “I want to try opening up to you.”

“You— me?” Goro couldn’t make sense of this. He had thoroughly prepared himself for a harsh rejection. This wasn’t something he’d counted on. Just like that, he was thrown into the deep end.

“I think the only person I could seek understanding from is you.” 

It made sense, Goro thought. They were the same, after all. No matter what outsiders cared to think, a person who had never been in a situation had no capacity to understand it thoroughly. 

Logically, Goro would be the only person that could understand many of Ren’s experiences.

Goro nodded, almost too enthusiastically. “I’d be happy to listen.”

Ren took a few deep breaths, probably grounding himself. This had to be extremely hard on him. Goro fidgeted with his hand, wanting to offer reassurance but not knowing his boundaries. In the end, he decided not to push his luck.

“I...don’t really know where to start…” Ren’s voice trailed off. “I’ve never really done this before.”

How ironic. In spite of all of the people in his life, Ren didn’t tell anyone...anything. Goro wondered if this bothered anyone else in his life. If the other members of the Phantom Thieves noticed that they didn’t know shit about their dear leader, and had never thought to ask. Had he really been the first? 

“The beginning would be nice. You know about my family; what about yours?” 

Ren took a small breath. “My mom was a normal woman. She was well off, and came from a nice family.” His words were soft, but still emotionless. “I don’t remember her that well, but… I know she loved my dad a lot. My dad was… well… like the ghouls I would probably go after now. According to Sojiro, he spent the better half of his youth being a power-hungry monster… before he escaped to a small town and met my mom and had me.” He took another breath. “Dad… always said the fact that I was alive was a miracle, and Mom agreed.”

Perhaps it was a “the grass is always greener” situation, but Goro had to admit it sounded nice. For his parents to...hold him in such high regard, even if it was in the past. He pushed his own thoughts aside, reminding himself that it wasn’t a competition.

Ren seemed lost for a moment, as silence fell around the attic. Did Goro already blow it? He hadn’t said anything. Before Goro had a chance to get scared, Ren began to speak again. “As I got older, Mom and Dad started to fight, mostly about me. Mom wanted me to live as… normally as possible, and Inaba was the best place to do that. Dad disagreed… and eventually he won out. They split, and Dad took me with him to Tokyo.” He stopped abruptly again, as if his own words were caught in his throat. Goro could hear Ren gulp audibly, forcing down his anxieties. “It didn’t take long for Dad’s actions to catch up to him. The doves came for him as soon as they caught word that he was back… and… I was by myself from there.”

Goro almost did a double take. “By yourself? As in…”

Ren nodded, his eyes going to the side. “Mom had no way of knowing. Dad cut all ties with her before we left. So… I tried to manage on my own…”

Ren’s confidence was gone, Goro realized. His eyes were glassy behind the fake lenses, being forced to remember much more difficult things. 

“It was tough. Yongen ten years ago was… about as bad as humans say it is. At least in the parts where there was food. Strong ghouls attracted doves, and if there was a fight, it meant food.”

“Is that why you eat ghouls?”

“Yeah… Bodies would always be left behind. Most ghouls would get better parts: legs, arms, thighs. Organs tended to be untouched… and… you know how ghoul hunger can be.”

It made sense, in a cruel way. “And your kakuja?”

“I got most of it from Dad, the rest I ate my way to.” He didn’t seem proud of it, not in the slightest. Of course, if Ren had been eating ghouls for that long, he must’ve been able to access his kakuja since he was a child as well. It’d give him plenty of practice, but having that mental strain on a child? “I couldn’t use it until… well…”

Ren hadn’t cried, no matter how much his eyes were begging to be allowed to shed tears. Another difficult memory. 

“I got in a bad fight with a very strong dove. He was…harassing a woman and I couldn’t just… sit there. I… got roughed up badly… Really badly…”

His eyes were distant, and his body began to shake. Goro didn’t know exactly what to do. Before, Ren had hugged him, but… he was certain that he didn’t want to be touched. Not when he was finally exposing his heart. 

“I almost died… He would have killed me… I couldn’t move… It hurt and—” A choked breath came from Ren’s throat, as a clawed hand flew over his mouth. A minute passed, then two. Ren’s body seemed to have calmed down, at least slightly. “He didn’t hesitate to cut them… My hands… It gave him some sort of pleasure… I don't know… If Mona hadn’t gotten help, I would’ve bled out.”

An investigator tried to kill a ten-year-old in cold blood. For some reason Goro wasn’t surprised. There were enough sick people in the CCG to take advantage of someone, then try to kill a child on the justification of them being a ghoul. It was just the kind of the kind of people that place tended to attract.

“You chased him off?”

“No… I just got a lucky shot with my kagune. He fell over and berated me before running for it. I…think I passed out after that. Sojiro was the one Mona ended up finding to help me. After Tae took care of me for a few weeks, he took me in.”

It warmed Goro’s heart ever so slightly to know the story had a happy ending. 

“You were young…”

“Ten, I think…” Ren wiped stray tears from his face that seemed to have fallen against his wishes. He sighed sadly, laying back on the bed, completely exhausted. “Honestly… I don’t regret it. That woman was safe… and… I found a home.”

Goro let out a small laugh. The infamous Joker, public enemy number one of the CCG, truly had a… genuine reason for cultivating all of that power. Risking his life to protect the weak, it was something he’d done since… that young of an age. Despite the fact that he was alone, he kept such a hopeful outlook. It wasn’t hard to imagine. In spite of being abandoned by the world, Ren still helped others without anything to gain. Goro envied that.

“Yet you still hide this side of yourself. There’s still one thing I don’t understand. Why is that the case?”

Ren was quiet for a moment, biting another bullet. “I don’t have a good answer, I guess. At least not the one you’re looking for.”

“So was I right before? It’s an image thing.”

“Not quite, but you got one thing right. When it was just us, Ryuji, Ann, Mona, and I...things were different. “Akira” wasn’t a mask back then. But after we went after Madarame and broke the news, I couldn’t just be… me, not when so much was at stake. The leader of the Phantom Thieves couldn’t… be too scary, you know? Enough to gain respect, but… not to mislead people into thinking I’m just like the ones we go after. But… judging by your reaction, it doesn’t work.” 

Ren played with a lock of his hair, looking down at the bed. Goro couldn’t help but empathize. While not as restricting, his earlier comparison was still spot on. Yet…he still felt no victory. If anything, his heart went out to Ren even more. 

“So that was the side I saw in Cochlea. Quite a shame, too. You seemed so happy.”

Ren let out a humorless laugh. “That doesn’t mean much coming from you.”

Goro shrugged. “True, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t nice to have someone who likes that side.”

Ren seemed genuinely shocked by Goro’s statement. “...you do?”

Goro nodded. “I can’t explain why, either. Maybe because I would hate it if the one who humiliated me so thoroughly was a coward who hated fighting. The fact that you light up against a strong opponent is reassuring.”

Ren’s lips turned upwards in a smile, small but so very genuine. Unlike the cocky smirk or the passive smile, this felt real. “Maybe… you could hunt with me. If that side doesn’t scare you off.”

“Is that a challenge?”

The light that Goro was becoming increasingly fond of shone in Ren’s eyes. “Let's call it that. A race even. I’ll go easy on you and make it no more than two kills.”

“You haven’t seen what I’m capable of. I can handle a little blood. I take it you have a means to hunt.”

A smirk crossed Ren’s face. “You’ll see. I’ll be back in a moment.”

———

Goro was exhausted. Ren was difficult to keep up with when he was enjoying something. It was obvious to Goro that Ren liked the thrill of hunting quite a bit.

And it looked very alluring, the dangerous glint in Ren’s eyes, clearly visible even under the mask and nothing but the street lights. 

It was hard for Goro to look away.

It felt like they had become closer, sharing a time Ren enjoyed so thoroughly. Ren’s enthusiastic praise every time Goro landed a particularly vicious blow still rang in his ear.

Ren almost purely targeted ghouls, as one would expect given his cuisine of choice. His cannibalistic tendencies didn’t carry over to Goro, however. He really didn’t know how Ren did it, if he was being honest. Ghouls tasted like rubbery shit. The texture was wrong and the taste was far too bitter.

Ren had proposed it as an alternative, a remedy to his issue with human meat. Other than the taste being absolutely abominable, Goro worried feeding his dad’s kakuja would have adverse side effects. The thought of destabilizing the wicked thing made his scalp tingle. 

Ren agreed that it was far too risky. An eye closed and that thing would no doubt devour him alive. They both were not in the mind to see that happen.

They rarely targeted humans in hunts. The human targets were usually well-researched and planned ahead. Usually bigger names that required Ren’s whole team, and would need more thought for dealing with consequences. Thus, Goro had to make-do with leftovers that their ghoul targets had hunted beforehand. 

There weren’t any shortages, though. Most ghouls Ren hunted were gluttons, stacking and piling human bodies far beyond what they naturally needed. Goro had no trouble getting his hands on a fresh kill, either. 

Ren, being the world’s most dangerously picky eater, acquired the ghoul’s heart and left the rest. 

_ “Isn’t it quite a waste?” Goro had asked. _

_ “Nothing is wasted in Yongen; someone will come scavenging,” Ren had assured, and moved to Goro’s side, aiding him in finding something edible in the small warehouse. _

In the end, Goro got his hands on quite a nice stock of human meat, neatly kept in the cafe’s freezer. Whether he’d eat it or not was another issue, but the hunt was fun.

Ren, having been satiated by the hunt, had let down a lot of his walls. His guard was down and he’d allowed Goro to see him like that. On the walk back to Leblanc, Ren had a relaxed smile and a sluggish gait. He looked a lot like a feline, gorged on a satisfying chase.

Their shoulders had bumped a few times from how close they were walking. Goro had had the inexplicable urge to reach for Ren’s hand, but he had pushed it down.

After stacking all the meat, he excused himself to peel his bloody clothes from his body. He felt very sticky and disgusting. His hair was matted down with sweat and blood, surely not a very attractive sight. He’d always been told his hair length wasn’t very practical for the nature of his job – previous job – and it seemed it was true for his current lifestyle as well.

Goro wouldn’t cut it no matter what, though. He liked his hair. There was also some petty vengeance to it as well: Goro wearing his hair longer allowed him to resemble his mother more, a living, constant reminder of Shido’s mistakes. He liked being the incarnation of Shido’s failure. When Shido snarled, telling him that he looked just like his mother, Goro would try to hide a smug smile. Being a persistent reminder of Shido’s lapse in judgement was a small victory to him at a time when achievement was scarce.

“I’m going to the bathhouse, wanna come?” Goro heard Ren call from downstairs.

“Please!” Goro sighed in relief.

Goro climbed down the attic stairs with rapid steps and made a beeline for the cafe’s staff toilet, seeing Ren apparently had the same idea and was already washing off the blood and any other incriminating substances from his skin. 

He had taken his shirt off since there was no salvaging it without a washing machine. Goro threw a towel he had grabbed earlier at him.

Ren, despite being preoccupied with rubbing the blood covering his forearm, had the reflexes of an actual feline and easily caught it. Goro waited for him to clean up, patiently leaning against the tiled wall and staring intently at a stain on the otherwise clean floor tiles.

Must’ve been caused by one of them. Goro noted mentally to wipe it up after they were done getting cleaned up. 

After a while, Ren turned off the tap and turned to look at him, gesturing for Goro to go ahead and get cleaned up.

Goro tested the water first, making sure it was warm before washing the blood from the tips of his hair, face, and hands. 

His shirt wasn’t in as bad of a state as Ren’s, but it was still conspicuous enough that he couldn’t walk into the bathhouse in it. He was contemplating if he should just tuck in the bloody edges when he felt Ren’s fingers on the curling, wet ends of his hair.

“It’s quite impractical, isn’t it?” Goro murmured, warding off the feeling pooling in his chest.

“I like it,” Ren murmured back, voice low. “It suits you.”

Goro didn’t know what to reply with. Ren was staring intently at him through the mirror. His eyes looked warm even when reflected on the cold glass. Goro tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, a nervous habit he admittedly developed somewhere along the line. The action made his fingers brush against Ren’s bare fingers; Goro immediately pulled his hand away and averted his eyes from Ren’s reflected ones. 

He heard a quiet chuckle, but didn’t look up until he felt the fingers leave his hair and heard the door of the small toilet close. Goro gulped down a deep breath. Another one and one more. His face was flushed several shades too pink for normal. He splashed it with water, forcing down the feeling in his chest and stomach. 

Before he’d realized, things were already like this. He wasn’t stupid; he recognized what he felt. He just didn’t want to acknowledge it. There was no point in acknowledging it. 

How he felt was his business, and he wasn’t about to lay it down on anyone else, especially not the subject of those traitorous feelings.

After he’d calmed down, he decided the best course of action would be to tuck the shirt in after all. He was completely counting on the fact that it was too late for anyone to be in the bathhouse, and if there were any patrons, that they’d be too tired to notice anything.

Leaving the bathroom, he saw Ren had already fetched himself a shirt and brought along a change of clothes for both of them.

With the clothes in hand, he led the way and Goro quietly followed.

Goro wouldn’t call the atmosphere awkward; it felt more tense than anything. Like they both were holding back from saying something, from doing something. 

The bathhouse was mostly empty, save for a few old patrons. Goro sighed as he entered the hot water, feeling content. He could get used to this kind of relaxation after a long day, nothing like the flimsy shower of his old apartment. 

The water splashed and stirred around him as Ren sank beside him, almost purring. There was barely any distance between them. Goro gulped and resigned himself to his fate of not looking in Ren’s direction for the next fifteen minutes. 

Goro let his eyes fall shut and sunk further down, letting the hot water reach his chin, his hair floating around his head in tendrils. He leaned his head back and sighed in contentment. 

“It’s a really nice place, isn’t it? Quiet most of the time.”

Goro, having resigned himself earlier, replied with his eyes still closed. “Yes, it’s quite nice. My old apartment’s shower can’t hold a candle to this. I rarely had time for this kind of thing before. I really was missing out.” 

It was dangerous, how comfortable Ren made Goro feel, how easy it was for Goro to just say what was on his mind. 

He wouldn’t overshare again this time.

“I come here often. The shower at Boss’s house isn’t quite as satisfying.”

“I’d imagine so.” Goro hummed quietly. 

They were both quiet for some time, just enjoying the relaxing heat. Goro enjoyed the proximity quite a lot too. Having Ren so close to him made his head fuzzy. Their shoulders were almost touching. 

After a while, Goro moved to dunk his head completely underwater, wetting his hair completely. He had washed it earlier, before getting in the hot bath. It was clean and smelled nice. 

He moved to rub the droplets away from his eyes when he felt a gloved hand cover his. 

“Don’t rub, it’s bad for your eyes. Here,” Ren said quietly, and gingerly dabbed his face with the towel around his neck. 

After the droplets were out of the way, Ren dropped the towel and Goro slowly opened his eyes to look at him.

Goro could hear his own pulse in his ear, and despite all his inhibitions, he couldn’t peel his eyes away from Ren’s searching gaze. He knew that Ren probably knew, or that if he kept letting him look right now, it wouldn't be long before he did. All his cards were bared and Goro had no way to defend himself from this. He wasn’t equipped with the means to battle the feeling welling in his chest or keep it from showing on his face when Ren lifted a hand to brush off a wet strand of hair that had clung to Goro’s forehead.

He couldn’t fight his own hand that had risen to clasp Ren’s gloved hand. 

“Akechi—” Ren started, and Goro couldn’t bear it.

“Goro.” His grip on Ren’s hand tightened. “You can call me Goro.”

Goro was digging his own grave but he couldn’t bear it.

“Goro,” Ren said, like he was tasting the sounds as they rolled off his tongue. “Goro,” Ren said once more.

Goro’s heart quivered in his chest. He was really done for.

Ren lowered his hand and Goro moved to let go, but Ren clutched his hand before he could. 

Goro looked at him quizzically, but Ren said nothing. Just lowered their intertwined hands to the scarce space between them and left them there, linked together at the tiled bottom of the bath. Goro lowered his head, futile as it was of an attempt, to hide his flushed face. 

Ren seemed to be content, not saying anything despite Goro knowing that Ren could see everything. He knew Ren wasn’t dumb, but it seemed he was satisfied with sparing Goro’s dignity for now. Goro prayed that graciousness would stay for a long time. 

A part of Goro rose despite him trying to snuff it out, however. His head was getting big.

Ren wasn’t rejecting him.

He knew Ren had an inkling of how Goro felt, at least to some extent, but Ren wasn’t shutting him out or rejecting him.

Hope was a scary thing. Goro wasn’t a big fan.

Ren probably knew and wasn’t driving Goro away. 

“What are you thinking?” Ren asked into the quiet air between them.

“Senseless things,” Goro said, truthfully.

“Sense isn’t very fun anyways.” It was an invitation, a bit of a challenge.

Like giving a drowning man a lifeline but not pulling.

Goro turned his head to look at Ren, invigorated by the look in his eyes. As if Ren was daring him to make a move before he did.

Goro was always up for a challenge, and Goro knew how to swim. 

“It certainly isn’t.” Goro slipped his hand out of Ren’s tight hold, smiling at the curious look on Ren’s face. The detective slipped two fingers under Ren’s glove and easily slid it off, giving it a forceful tug when it caught on one of the sharp ridges of Ren’s hand. 

With Ren’s hand bare between them, he placed the glove on the edge of the pool and slid his hand back into Ren’s. The texture of Ren’s scaly palm against his own soft one was dizzying. With the last drop of courage left in him, Goro dropped his head to rest on Ren’s shoulder.

Ren scooted closer instead of pulling back, letting Goro find a more comfortable position. His thumb drew circles over Goro’s knuckles.

Goro knew how intimate this was, how much allowance Ren was giving him, letting Goro remove his gloves without any complaints.

Goro wanted to talk about this. Whatever this was that was going on between them. He didn’t feel like it would be fair to say he was the only one feeling anything, and that he alone should be responsible for those feelings.

In a way, Goro was testing waters, trying to clear some of his doubt. 

Goro smiled to himself.

At the very least, he knew Ren at least trusted him to some extent, letting Goro expose a vulnerability of his. 

And for now, it had to be enough. 

So Goro kept quiet, basking in the moment as long as it was allowed to last. 

When they parted ways that night, it was with reluctance, perhaps not just on his side. 

They had held hands for so long that they didn’t notice until they had to let go to part ways. Goro handed Ren the glove he had taken, the glove that used to be his own, and waved Ren goodbye as the other promised to eat breakfast with him tomorrow morning.

Goro felt warmer than he had ever felt before, and he didn’t have the mind to blame it on the hot bath this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all very much for reading


	7. the outcome wouldn't matter to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a nice beefy chapter, sorry for the long wait.
> 
> [chapter art here!](https://twitter.com/HEISHUl/status/1329575945326432257?s=20)

Turning back from his kakuja felt like waking up from a hazy dream, Ren thought. For a moment, he forgot what had brought him to that point, noting the taste of blood in his mouth and fullness in his stomach. After the haziness came a rush of information, then pure exhaustion. He remembered hearing someone yelling, screaming for help, and a gang of ghouls tormenting a kid who couldn’t fight back. He then remembered how stupid it felt to take on four ghouls on his own before his father’s power rushed into him. 

No, not dad’s power. It was his now. His to do whatever he wanted with. 

The boy had passed out, and Ren was grateful he was still breathing. None of those ghouls had tried to finish him off before his kakuja got to them. The lack of bodies meant he didn’t kill them; whatever he did was just enough to scare them off. If anything, that made Ren feel uncertain, but he hoped they learned their lesson. 

The boy’s legs were still gone. Only bone trying to reconstruct his limbs, and blood still running from his left eye. Ren’s stomach turned. What did they do to him? And why would they do this to another ghoul?

He hesitated for a moment before scooting closer to the boy’s body, trying to shake him awake. 

“Hey…wake up.”

Nothing. 

Dread began to cloud over his heart. Was he too late? Was all of that for nothing?

The boy’s breath hitched, and his right eye opened. It was cloudy, unfocused, yet it still locked onto him. 

“An…angel?”

His voice was soft, scared even. Did he think he was already dead?

Ren shook his head. “Y… You’re still alive.”

The boy barely seemed to register his words, if his confused expression was anything to go by. Then he said, “…it hurts…”

Ren’s heart ached. He never understood how ghouls could be so cruel. Did they like seeing some kid bleed out? Tearing him apart until all he could do was cry for help? If anything, it made a fire burn in his stomach. He hated it. Hated that people would do this, human or ghoul. 

“It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay. They’re gone now.”

The boy groaned again, and let out a small sob. He knew the feeling, being helpless and afraid. Ren didn’t know what else to do but wrap his arms around him, as softly as he could. Even if someone couldn’t do this three years ago, he could do it for this boy now. 

“I’ll get you help, hang in there. You’ll be okay.” 

He kept repeating it. Putting it out in the universe was more likely to make it happen, right?

The boy’s right eye began to drift shut again, but he had a… happier expression on his face. Ren kept an eye on him for a moment, making sure he was still breathing. The boy smelled strange for a ghoul, sweet instead of the richness he was used to. Was that why those ghouls attacked him? Because he smelled too good to pass up as a meal? Whatever the reason, it didn’t excuse it. 

“I promise. You’ll be okay.”

Ren certainly heard a soft “thank you” escape the boy’s lips. 

\---

Goro’s body was far too used to waking up at early hours. Even after he knew he was allowed to sleep for as long as he wanted, he couldn’t help but rise with the sun. CCG training had always required being up early, immediately ready to work. Intel wasn’t as rigorous as field work, but it required just as much, if not more, time. Meticulously researching and archiving ghouls, keeping track of patterns and telling the field investigators their information. At first he hated the fact that Shido didn’t trust him enough to perform in the field, but now he found himself being grateful. Even if all of his cases as the Detective Prince were fake, his work with Sae was real. Long ago...he thought even his small role in the CCG made a difference. That he was helping people, and that outweighed his role as his father’s gun.

How childish.

His hazy waking thoughts were interrupted by the sound of breathing; rather, soft snores. Next to him on the bed was Ren, more peaceful than Goro had ever seen him. 

Ren falling asleep at the cafe was cute, and Goro wanted to throw up a bit admitting that to himself. He had learned quite easily that Ren Amamiya was really a cat in the body of a half-ghoul, but the way he was slightly curled up on the mattress filled Goro’s heart with a warmth he was growing quite accustomed to. Granted, they had a long night. Fighting the ghouls who had been causing trouble was a nice escape from the current monotony of his life. Targets too small for the Phantom Thieves as a group, but it kept the CCG from ever needing to step foot in Yongen-Jaya. It kept him busy, and the CCG’s eyes off of them. 

Ren had insisted on staying the night, to which Goro couldn’t oppose. Now the sun was slowly rising, letting a soft light filter into the attic. It was nice to see Ren with his guard down. The image almost reminded Goro of seeing him in Cochlea, but now there was a genuine peace. 

Despite himself, Goro found his hand reaching out to Ren’s head. Wondering for a moment how far he’d be allowed to go. 

_If his kakuja likes being pet, does he normally?_

Of course, he had to investigate. 

He reached out his hand towards the top of Ren’s head, then as gently as he could, began to pet it. Ren’s hair was a lot softer than it looked, and Goro found it far too easy to get his hand lost in the fluffy curls. Despite being asleep, Ren seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. His body stretched out slightly, and his head got closer to Goro’s hand. 

Goro wanted to scream. 

He must’ve made some kind of noise he wasn’t aware of, as Ren’s eyes began to slowly open. They were so relaxed, a layer of haze over a calm grey. It almost seemed out of character to see him this way. Goro couldn’t help but smile, “Good morning.” 

Ren groaned. “Mmm…” He stretched, moving closer to Goro, his head practically in his lap. 

“Birdie…” Ren muttered sleepily. 

Goro blinked. “Birdie?”

The other half-ghoul nodded lazily. “You perch…and you caw in battle…so, Birdie.”

He cawed in battle? What kind of notion was that? 

Goro chose to assume Ren was still too brain-dead with sleep to talk properly. 

Ren let out a yawn. “My little birdie…” he mumbled before his breathing softened, indicating he went back to sleep. 

Goro sighed, noting the relief he felt. So he was a naturally late riser. Honestly it made sense; Ren seemed to be no stranger to staying up well into the wee hours of the morning. Chances were he’d pass this little moment off a dream. Getting his phone from the charger, Goro prepared to spend the next few hours not doing much of anything anyway. 

— 

Ren hated sunlight, at least the way it hit his eyes when he was deep within sleep. It wasn’t often that happened; usually the slightest disturbance would wake him up. Even after seven years, that was a hard habit to grow out of. By all accounts, falling asleep next to Goro shouldn’t have put him at ease, at least not to the extent of waking up curled around him. He shook it off with the fact his body tended to curl around whatever was warm, and Goro was plenty. 

“Ah, look who’s finally awake,” Goro said, putting his phone down. “It’s pretty late for a student to be waking up.”

Ren shook the blanket off, then let out a yawn. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a student right now…” Well, partially. Kawakami had been willing to help him catch up after she learned he was all right. Makoto had pulled enough strings with the principal to at least keep him enrolled on a technicality, even if he didn’t know if or when he’d be back. The thought of not being allowed to return made his chest hurt; even if he was only in school for two years, he enjoyed the sense of normalcy. 

“So that work you’re doing is just for fun?”

“No. To keep myself on top of things. I like school.”

Goro didn’t say anything to that, just simply hummed. 

“You speak like you aren’t a student too.”

“I’m a dead man walking, not exactly in the mind to show up to my graduation.”

“It could be fun.”

“The chaos would sure be something, I’ll give you that,” Goro conceded. 

“Are you hungry?” Ren asked and laughed when Goro’s stomach grumbled at the prospect of food. “All right, I’ll cook you something, come on.”

Ren stretched like a cat, getting off the bed and extending a hand towards Goro. Goro hesitated for a moment, then took the offered hand. He wasn’t above taking what he could.

Ren pulled Goro up and dragged him downstairs, not letting go until Goro was seated at the counter and Ren had to go to the other side to prepare the meal. It wasn’t delivery day, so likely there wouldn’t be much in the kitchen other than spices and the meat from when they had hunted. Simple it was, then. 

Goro’s hand was still tingling even when Ren came back with a very intense-looking sandwich.

“Your definition of a breakfast is quite unorthodox.”

“Making sure I stand out,” Ren said with a small smile. “Go on, try it.”

Goro defeatedly took a bite, unable to argue further with his stomach begging him for sustenance.

“Impres—” Before he could finish his single word of praise, he choked on it. Tears sprung involuntarily into his eyes and he coughed incessantly. 

“Are you all right?” There was amusement in Ren’s voice.

“Totally,” Goro said between bouts of cough. “I’m totally fine.”

“I take this as you’re unable to handle spicy food? I’ll take that into consideration next time. Here, eat this instead.” Ren pushed a plate of cheesecake towards him, probably leftover from yesterday. Goro couldn’t muster enough pride or stubbornness to not abandon the hellfire sandwich, so he nodded gratefully and dug in.

Ren dragged the sandwich to his side and turned the plate around so the little bite Goro took was facing him. He then leaned down and took a bite from the same spot. It tasted as bad as most human foods, but that heat is probably what made Goro so red. He nodded, and muttered to himself. “It really is spicy...”

Goro couldn’t choose what to be embarrassed about at that moment, so he decided to ignore Ren completely instead.

After washing their plates, Goro dragged Ren to one of the booths. Since neither of them had anything to do, they sat together in the quiet coffee shop. Sojiro was closing early today, as per Ren’s request, since Ren wanted to have a meeting with the thieves after school.

Goro was scrolling mindlessly through his phone. Article upon article written about him all over his feed. It felt odd seeing people mourning him. In a way, he felt like it was true that he had died. The mask his fans knew and mourned was surely gone. A part of him that had left forever, that he never wanted back.

Absentmindedly he muttered, “I’m glad I left all that behind.”

Ren, who had been playing a game on his phone, paused and looked up. “I’m glad too. That you came along.”

Goro, who hadn’t realized he had spoken out loud at all, blinked then smiled. “I’m glad I went with you, too. I can’t imagine how much longer I would’ve lasted in that place.”

“A week at most?” Ren suggested. “You left, and you’re never going back. I couldn’t be happier.”

“I am. I’m going back to end it once and for all.” Ren flinched and opened his mouth, then Goro cut him off. “With a proper plan and your help.”

Ren relaxed when he heard that. It was strange how quickly Goro switched sides, but it wasn’t unheard of. Makoto was the same way, back then. A blind loyalist whose dose of reality changed her for the better. But with Goro, it had been there from the start, waiting to be embraced. He loved it, he truly loved it. “Okay then. We’ll go back to end it, together.”

Ren’s eyes glowed with fierce determination. Goro didn’t doubt that Ren would do as he said. He found it hard to doubt that Ren would win too.

The morning light filtering through the slightly dusty cafe window should’ve softened Ren’s features, but in that moment he looked sharp, the glint in his eyes vicious. 

Goro fucking loved it.

“Ren..” Goro started, his breath stuck in his throat. His thoughts were tangled. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t think of anything other than the beating of his own heart in his ears and the dizzying warmth in his chest. “I’m glad I met you.”

Goro wasn’t sure how it came to be, but Ren’s face was inches away from his. Goro was not strong enough to deny the magnetism drawing him to lean forward, bringing their faces ever-closer together. It seemed like Ren also felt the strong pull, as if an invisible force was pulling Ren’s face towards his own.

He wasn’t sure who closed the distance, but in an instant, their lips were on each other. Goro felt himself involuntarily sigh against Ren’s lips. Ren moved his mouth, and Goro decided he would like to not think anymore. He just wanted to feel this, allow himself to feel this.

And it felt so good.

Ren was gentle, yet firm and persistent. He raised his arms to cup Goro’s cheeks, dragging the detective further into his hold. Goro went willingly, angling his head. He felt Ren’s thumbs on the skin of his cheeks, drawing circles that made his stomach tingle. Goro’s arms left his sides to caress Ren’s back up to his neck, then he buried his fingers in the soft hair at the back of the other boy’s head. 

Goro wasn’t sure how long they kissed for, parting to breathe only to be drawn into a kiss once more. Time felt like it was slowing down and speeding up simultaneously, leaving him disoriented.

“You called me Birdie this morning,” Goro muttered, upon pulling away, “while you were asleep.”

Ren chuckled, obviously embarrassed. “Did I? Sorry.”

“No. I like it.” That bit of pride that was telling him to hate this was squashed by the warmth of the kiss. “Being your bird…”

Goro was just about to tug Ren into another kiss when Leblanc’s bell jingled, breaking them and the moment apart. Ren quickly fixed his hair, and Goro tucked a strand of his own behind his ear, not looking at anything in particular, spacing out. Ren wanted to say something, but then Ryuji’s boisterous greetings carried over to them. He cast one more glance at Goro’s stiff figure before walking to the entrance to welcome the phantom thieves.

Goro looked over to the phantom thieves, who were settling down for the meeting, and met Ren’s eyes just as Ren glanced back at him. 

Goro dazedly raised a hand to his lips.

Ann looked between them, eyes sharp and curious. Goro looked away. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Ryuji pointed in Goro’s direction.

Before Ren could answer, Goro scraped up whatever composure he had left and pasted it onto his face. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s rude to point?”

Ren’s expression relaxed slightly. 

Ryuji grumbled. “Nevermind, he seems all right.”

Ren cleared his throat. “You two are early.”

Ryuji shrugged. “Just checkin’ up on you. Futaba said you weren’t home.”

Ann had a mischievous look on her face, excitement as prevalent as her eyeliner. “Don’t tell me you spent the night with our dear detective, Akira.” 

For once he wished Futaba would tell everyone about his business. It would’ve saved him the embarrassment of saying he just kissed Goro Akechi and genuinely enjoyed it. Out of curiosity, he checked his phone, only to see several messages of the puking emoji from his favorite sister. He settled for a sigh and, “I fell asleep while checking up on him. I’ve only been awake for about 30 minutes.”

His phone pinged again, this time with actual words.

**Taba: You know I saw everything. There’s no use lying to them RenRen :3c**

Goro’s gaze on the wall intensified, as if begging for it to come to life and stop the conversation. “Shouldn't you two be going to school? You wouldn’t want to be late.” There was an edge of irritation in his voice.

“Right, right. We’ll see you after school, Akira!”

Ryuji blinked in confusion. “What’s got you so giddy?”

Ann breathed a heavy sigh. “You can be dense sometimes, you know that?” 

Ren gave them polite waves as they left the cafe. 

Goro groaned. “Why must you keep such loud company?”

“They make life more interesting,” was his simple answer. For what had to be the one hundredth time that morning, his phone buzzed. 

**Taba: Can you guys not make out in a public establishment next time? Or at least give me a warning so I can turn off the bug?**

**Taba: I’ve been meaning to say that but i needed to get the reaction out of the way**

**Ren: Okay. This is your warning.**

“Now, where were we?” Ren said, allowing that pull towards Goro to consume him once again.

The kiss was more than he’d hoped for, but it felt like something in his chest was finally cleared. He was being selfish, and he knew that, but for now he didn’t care. For now he could have one thing for his own sake. 

When they pulled away, Ren gave Goro a soft smile, caressing his cheek. “I’ll be back later, okay?”

Goro’s features for once didn’t look artificially soft; his smile was more genuine than anything he’d seen that wasn’t in battle. “All right.”

\-----

Goro had begun to spend his days simply browsing the internet, watching Featherman, playing the game system in the attic, or reading Ren’s books. It was a nice change, honestly. His hectic schedule between school, the CCG, and Shido’s assignments never gave him any time to do really...anything. For the first time, it felt like he was finding himself. Perhaps one of these days he’d pick up a hobby? A real hobby, not just something to make himself look better. Maybe Ren could teach him how to cook or brew coffee. He’d be sure to ask after the meeting. 

He then looked at the time on his phone. Right, school would be ending for them soon, and the Phantom Thieves would meet up for the first time in nearly two weeks. Goro felt a small twinge in his stomach as he laid in Leblanc’s attic. He hadn’t thought about it until now, how easy it was to throw all of his hard work away. All he had left was to pick up the pieces, but he still had the looming question of “what now?”

He ran away, he was free, yet he chose to stay here. In an attic in the middle of a ghoul-infested town, always looking forward to spending time with Ren…

The kiss still lingered on his lips, even several hours later. He couldn’t help but envy Ren, still. He and Ren were the same, yet Ren had everything Goro wanted. He was a hero, in the truest sense. Powerful, but so fucking kind. As a child, Goro would’ve looked up to him, but now he felt like a shadow of what could have been.

“Oh, you’re still here?” A voice popped up as he heard the pattering of small feet, or rather, paws. The demon cat, Morgana, had come to check up on him, he assumed.

“I have nothing better to do,” he answered curtly. “Just ruminating on my apparent death.”

“It isn’t healthy to just waste away here, you know.” Morgana leapt up onto the bed, quickly making himself comfortable.

“In case you've forgotten, I’m dead to the world.”

“Yeah, but as long as you lay low no one knows who you are. Besides, I’m not stupid. I know you’ve been out with Ren a few times for more than just hunting.”

Goro found his eyes drifting towards the wall. “You’re a fucking cat, not a guidence counsilor.”

Morgana seemed to bristle at that. “I’m more than just a cat, Pretty Boy. I just came up to tell you our meeting’s starting soon, in case you want to join.”

“Did Ren not want to extend the invitation to me?”

“I dunno. I’m not just a means for him to speak. That’s all me.”

Goro almost did a double take. “Why?”

Morgana licked his little white paw. “I sense something in you, Akechi. I sensed it back when you were with the Doves too. I think you’d be an asset to our team, especially if we wanna try our hand at Shido again.”

Goro wanted to laugh in the cat’s face, but settled for a humorless chuckle. “And what makes you think that? Have you forgotten I tried to kill your leader?”

“Not at all, but you did throw away everything to get him back, wholeheartedly. Not once after we made our deal did I sense any hesitation in you. That’s the kind of conviction that makes a real Phantom Thief, and one others don’t have.”

“Others?”

Morgana blinked in affirmation. “Tons of ghouls want revolution, you know, but never for the right reason. Back when we formed the group, we knew that, so we made it pretty selective who gets to join.”

Goro began to feel something stir within his chest, something he hadn’t felt in years. When he was young, after hearing stories of one eyed ghouls being destined for great things, he dreamed of being like them. Even in the CCG, it made him genuinely happy to aid in the capture of a particularly disgusting ghoul. Whenever he genuinely earned the praise of the masses, it felt good. He had written off that desire as childish. Naive, even…

“Morgana. What drove Ren to make the group?”

The cat tilted his head. “He never told you?”

Goro shook his head, “I know your first target was Suguru Kamoshida, but he never told me why.”

Morgana stretched himself out for a moment, then replied, “Kamoshida was one of those types of ghouls who basically make a place a feeding ground and have the authority to get away with it. He did terrible things to a lot of the students at Shujin; eating them was probably the least of those offenses. After he did something terrible to Lady Ann’s friend, Ren said he couldn’t stand back and let him get away with these things. So Ryuji, Lady Ann, Ren, and I formed the Phantom Thieves.”

“Was the goal to kill him?”

“They were all so determined, even if Kamoshida had to die, the people he hurt needed justice. We didn’t have much of a choice; talking him down and getting him to confess on his own wasn’t working. Even after we fought him.”

Justice… that was such a heavy word. 

“You know,” Morgana spoke again, “Ren was really conflicted after we did it. I’ve seen him worried before, but never to that extent. It wasn’t until we saw that our efforts were worth the spilled blood. Shujin was safe, and his victims were finally given the justice they deserved.”

“And others wanted to join?”

“You’d be surprised at how many ghouls want an excuse to fight as long as they say it’s for the right reason. But we made rules when we formed, the main one being that anyone who becomes a Thief lives by justice. We don’t do what we do for some personal gain, rather for the people who are hurt.”

“It keeps you from becoming like the CCG.”

“There’s the brains I like to see. It's also why we keep our ranks small.”

Childish. That's what his brain kept saying the more he learned. Ren’s ideals were childish. His goal was childish. Everything was…

“I’ll join the meeting.” He hadn’t registered what he said until he saw Morgana’s expression light up. 

“All right. We shouldn’t keep them waiting too long.”

Goro walked in in the middle of a heated discussion, Morgana in tow. Ren’s eyes met his for a brief second, and Goro looked away before his face could heat up and perched on one of the stools. 

After his silent entrance, the thieves seemed to hesitate. 

“Don’t mind me, go ahead.”

“We don’t typically have meetings with outsiders mixed in.” It was Makoto’s cold voice.

“I hardly have anyone to divulge any information I hear to.” Goro raised his brows as he pointed it out.

Makoto looked like she wanted to argue further, but Takamaki quickly cut in, “It’s all right, Makoto, I don’t think it’s going to be a big deal if he hears anything! Plus, he can be helpful?” She slid her gaze to Goro, prompting him to agree.

“I’ve got nothing better to do, sure.”

“We don’t need your help.” Makoto’s voice was layered in frost. Takamaki looked panicked and covered Makoto’s hand with her own, comforting.

“Makoto, just give him a chance…” 

Goro looked at their intertwined hands, then looked away. 

“We don’t have much time,” Ren’s voice carried over, tone commanding. Everyone fell silent. “We need a plan.”

That meant this meeting had to commence, despite Goro being there. Goro suppressed the urge to grin mockingly at Makoto.

He wasn’t that childish. 

“Our target this time is an S rank. By himself, Lion isn’t much of a threat. However, his lackeys seem to be endless. Squash one and he’ll send ten more. He’s more of a constant nuisance than a threat. We will eradicate him once and for all,” Sakura briefed.

“He can’t have an infinite source; give it one more month at the rate he’s going,” Takamaki offered, no urgency whatsoever.

“Cutting the snake’s head is the best way to get rid of this issue, in my opinion. He’s elusive, but if we get him, his lackeys won’t have direction. It’ll be easier to snuff them out,” Okumura reasoned.

“And,” Goro drawled out, affecting disinterest, “what makes you think that Lion is the one making the calls here?”

“What do you mean?” Makoto demanded. “Do you know something?”

Goro ignored her. “It’s overly simplistic, to think that way. A snake wouldn’t bare its neck while causing trouble in the open, don’t you think?”

“Stop talkin’ in riddles, dude, just say it straight up if you know something.” Ryuji frowned.

Goro ignored him as well, turning to raise his brows at Ren. “What do you think?”

He leveled Ren with a stare that the leader held as he spoke.

“It’s too easy.” 

“Precisely.” Goro grinned.

“Hold on.” Ann gestured with both her palms for them to slow down. “Mind explaining?”

Kitagawa, who’d been quiet the whole time, piped in, “No massacres. Just small inconsequential kills that pile up, as if they’re purposefully trying to draw the attention of someone.”

“They’re trying to draw our attention,” Makoto started and Okumura finished, “Ours or the CCG’s. Either way…It’s a trap.”

Goro smiled and turned his back to them to face the counter. 

“Do you know anything?” Okumura pressed, voice hard. “Do you know who’s running things behind the scenes?”

Goro had long since started filtering their voices out, focusing on scrolling through his phone lazily. 

The hair on the back of his neck stood up when he heard a commotion behind him. Seemed like he’d dodged getting bludgeoned within an inch of his life once more. 

Still, he resolutely kept his back turned. 

The thieves kept discussing possible entities behind this, and ways to get around it.

Whether or not this was a trap, they couldn’t leave things as they were. They had to act on their original plans. 

Goro skimmed through headlines mindlessly, some petty celeb cat fights he had half the mind to read out of pure guilty pleasure. Articles about the dear late detective prince hadn’t stopped rolling yet; he’d come across at least five since he started scrolling. 

“Oh,” he breathed, his blood simultaneously boiling and running ice cold. 

The hand that was holding the phone shook as he grasped tighter, tighter until the metal dug into his palms painfully and the motion blurred the picture of the man. 

He looked exhausted/ Goro took some pleasure in that. 

“Masayoshi Shido about the attack on Cochlea and the untimely death of the Detective Prince: ‘He was young and bright, that child. He had the potential to be one of the best investigators in our ranks. We at the commission of counter ghoul will bring him justice and ensure nothing such as that happens again.’”

Goro felt sick to his stomach. 

He shut the phone and took a few calming breaths. 

He turned back around after regaining his composure, not missing the concerned look Ren threw him. The excited voices of the thieves eased his mind as they kept discussing the case at hand, took his mind off of the sick feeling in his stomach. Goro caught bits and pieces, but it seemed their initial plan hadn’t changed. They’d still charge in head-on. 

As they finally came to an agreement, the heated debate calmed down. Their voices were calmer and quieter. Goro took the chance to interject bluntly.

“I would like to join your group.”

Silence befell the cafe, as multiple pairs of eyes stared at Goro like he was crazy, including Ren’s. The air began to become very thick, like Goro’s pants had fallen off and everyone was staring at him for embarrassing himself instead of laughing. Was...the notion that absurd to them?

“Hold on.” Makoto spoke before anyone else did. “Why are you asking?”

Swallowing his pride was like swallowing a mouthful of pills completely dry. It’d be easy to lie, but Morgana had said they rejected anyone who wasn’t committed to their goal, and Ren wouldn’t put him in front of that. “We share a goal.”

No one seemed convinced, not even Ren. Did Ren doubt him that much? Surely not due to lack of trust. No...he simply didn’t think Goro was strong enough emotionally. He knew better than anyone else in that room that he was at a loss for a goal. Let alone one the same as Ren’s and the rest of the Phantom Thieves. 

“Did you know about this, Akira?” Kitagawa asked. “Has he asked you before?”

Ren shook his head. “He specifically said he didn’t want to join. I respected that.”

Great. He had really backed himself into a corner, hadn’t he? He was surprised that Ren didn’t just laugh at the question immediately and humiliate him further. 

“Well…” Sakura of all people began, “He helped us before. Without him we wouldn’t have gotten Akira back.”

“I agree,” Kitagawa said. “We do owe him that much. If anything, we wouldn’t be standing here now if not for him.”

“Ew, I retract my statement now that Inari agreed with me,” she puffed out.

“He still willingly manipulated my sister into going along with the CCG for years,” Makoto spat, glaring rather intensely at him. “Not to mention he was Shido’s gun.”

“Was, Makoto,” Takamaki chimed. “Yusuke and Futaba are right. He’s probably changed and he helped Akira.”

“....Akechi-san has done plenty of harm, probably more than good. Should we allow someone like that in our group?” Okumura asked, never meeting his gaze. Of course she knew what he had done. 

“I don’t trust him either, Haru,” Sakamoto’s gaze was wary. “He only helped Akira cuz his ass was grass if he didn’t.”

Once again, silence fell. Morgana then pointed his own gaze towards Ren. “I guess we’re split. Personally, I think a former Dove would be an asset to our team.”

“That’s because he’s buttered you up with sushi, kitty,” Sakura said.

Ren seemed torn, the intensity in his eyes the same as when they were playing chess. Deliberating his options, like a leader should. It was almost scary how much he commanded the room without saying anything. 

“Why did you change your mind?” he asked, his voice firm. He was completely serious, more serious than Goro had heard him since they escaped. The last time he had used that tone, it was to protect his team from being captured as well. 

Biting another bullet, Goro continued, “I’m tired of being a puppet, and never having anything I do be truly of my own will. I want....” His throat closed up again. What did he want? Justice for his mother? An idealistic dream of peace? Shido grovelling at his feet? “I don’t want to live in a world where people like Masayoshi Shido exist and thrive. I don’t want to continue to be a tool to be used. I can’t stay hidden forever, and I’m willing to help you in taking down the CCG.”

“You’re willing to,” Sakura mocked him. “It's because of you that Shido got so much influence in the first place, you know.”

He did, and it disgusted him. “Yes. And that’s why I want to help take him down.”

“You’re lying,” Makoto said tersely. “There’s more to it than that.”

“...”

Damn her. He was hoping Sae had gotten all of the intuition. “It's selfish. I want to take down the man who hurt my mother so much.” No. It wasn't that anymore, “Not just her, the man who ruined my life and used me as a puppet for so damn long. I’ve done many things I can never take back, but I want…” He took a deep breath. “I want the same world as all of you. Where someone like me would be accepted, and wouldn’t need to succumb to being an over-glorified tool in order to receive fulfillment. I want to help you create that world.” 

To his surprise, no one said anything. Sakamoto now looked conflicted, and gave him an apologetic look. Takamaki shared a similar look. Makoto didn’t seem phased, neither did Okumura. Kitagawa’s expression was slightly harder to read, but he could see…empathy in his eyes. Morgana was the one to finally break the silence.

“We’d have to come to an agreement on that, right, leader?”

Ren, as impossible to read as ever, simply nodded. “Let’s put a pin in this for now. I think we covered all of our bases today.”

“So I guess our meeting is adjourned,” Morgana said, hopping onto Ren's shoulder. 

“Right,” Makoto said. “Be safe getting home, everyone.”

“Likewise, Mako-chan. Have a good evening, everyone.”

Once the Phantom Thieves, save for Morgana and Ren, had all filtered out of the cafe, Goro felt a lot more exposed. 

Ren gave Morgana a scratch behind his ears. “And how much did you tell him?”

Morgana’s ears gave a loving flick. “What he wanted to know. I didn’t take that as he’d say what he’d thought would impress you.”

Goro couldn’t help but be offended by that. Ren must’ve sensed it. “I have a couple people I need to meet with before the day is over, wanna come?”

“You’re avoiding my request.”

“I said I would put a pin in it.” Ren’s words were sharp, definitive. “I need to think about it, Goro.”

Morgana gave him a half-sympathetic, half-amused look. “Give him time.”

Goro sighed, trying to push his thoughts to the back of his mind. “Where are we going?”

“Shinjuku. I have an info broker to talk to.”

It was moments like this when Goro reminded himself that the CCG considered Ren a terrorist.

  
  


——

Ren had a lot of strange acquaintances. At least, Goro must’ve thought they were strange. Morgana had suggested that the Phantom Thieves having connections wherever they could would help them in the long run, and it had been more than worth it. 

Talking to Ohya was always a treat, even if coming to Shinjuku wasn’t. Fortunately, the sky hadn’t completely darkened yet, the streets still bustling. 

As the crowd around them thinned and they walked to a more secluded alley, Goro seemed to get more and more on-edge. Ren had sensed it too, immediately nodding as Goro leaned closer to barely whisper, “We’re being followed.”

Ren had felt the presence for quite some time now, so wasting no more time, he turned sharply, aiming right for the figure. Goro wasn’t falling behind either and immediately brandished Loki, the blade glinting menacingly. 

It was a Dove.

The investigator barely dodged Ren; however, Goro was immediately there to cover, landing an adequately deep gash on his side, red blooming on the clean white of the coat. 

Goro was pulling back his knife, but in place of his usual wild grin was a confused expression. Ren heard him let out a strangled gasp as he choked out in alarm, “Ren!”

Ren felt something wasn’t right and looked back just as he heard it, deafeningly loud. 

He felt his knees weaken despite everything. His body froze on the spot. Before the bullet reached him, however, Goro’s body slammed hard into his, knocking the breath out of the both of them as they collided with the asphalt. Goro didn’t dare loiter and his hands frantically dragged Ren to the side, taking cover momentarily behind a parked car. 

“Ren.” Goro shook him. “Ren, what’s wrong? We need to leave. Hey.” He felt Goro’s palms hold his face firmly. “We need to get out of here.” 

Ren tried to gulp down as many breaths as he could, scraping up whatever calm he had and taping it on. He needed to get out. Ren looked at Goro, eyes trying to focus. The face before him was full of concern and urgency, but Ren’s eyes immediately zeroed on his temple, red with blood, dyeing the detective’s hair a shade closer to his eyes. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that the investigator who was tailing them had his eyes rolled back and a slit pierced through his skull, still gushing out blood.

They needed to leave here. He couldn’t let Goro get hurt further. He’d already messed up, he couldn’t. He couldn’t fail this time. 

Ren felt as if he were on autopilot, feet nimble as he and Goro made their escape, taking cover behind cars until the sound making Ren’s ears ring stopped coming.

“We’re out of range.” Goro sighed. “Let’s leave before backup catches up.”

It was a glaringly simple mistake on his part. Goro must have only just caught the glint of the rifle at Ren’s back when it fired. Why would doves open fire in a public area? Because they wanted an easy kill? It had been extremely far, hard to sense in the heat of battle. The sniper had camped just out of the reach of their senses.

Ren reached a hand to cover the already closing wound on Goro’s temple. Goro seemed to have only just noticed, and raised his own hand to the site. He watched Ren with keen eyes, and Ren’s eyes betrayed something, probably, making Goro’s expression tighten. 

“It’s not a big deal. Stop this. Stop whatever you’re thinking right now,” Goro bit out.

That was easier said than done, but Ren nodded.

Goro hesitated, and Ren moved to walk away, but Goro held his wrist, rooting him to the spot. 

“What happened just now?” The question was quiet, tentative even. 

Ren looked at the asphalt where a small puddle of Goro’s blood had collected and said nothing.

“Ren—” Goro’s tone had an edge of frustration, but then he took in a few deep breaths and his voice came out gentler. “Ren, you can drop it when you’re with me. The mask.” 

Ren took in a shuddering breath. 

“I want to know you, Ren. Not Akira, not Joker, not anyone other than you.”

“I’m not some case to satisfy your curiosity,” he snapped almost on instinct.

A glint of hurt flashed in Goro’s eyes and Ren’s heart involuntarily squeezed. 

“You know…” Goro forced out with great effort. “You should know by now you’re not ‘some case’.” His fists were balled up at his sides. “This isn’t just to satisfy my curiosity. I—” Goro gulped, as if his throat hurt. “I just want you to have someone who knows you and can be there for you. It doesn’t need to be me, Ren.” His voice was almost a whisper by the end.

Ren’s mask was already weakly glued together in that moment, and with that, it burst apart. 

“It was the gunshot. The sound, it came out of nowhere, I wasn’t prepared for it. It brought back things I didn’t want to remember.”

When Ren looked up, Goro had an absolutely horrible look on his face. Ren immediately understood. “No... it’s not—” What? It wasn’t Goro’s bullets that instilled this trauma in him? He couldn’t say that was completely the truth. Goro’s bullets weren’t what started this but they certainly furthered it. He couldn’t help but touch his forehead, even if there wouldn’t be a scar.

Seeing him look conflicted, Goro took a step back, as if he almost lost balance. “I— You don’t need to sugarcoat it. I know what I did. I will regret it as long as I live.” Goro looked so defeated.

“What’s regret going to do for either of us?” Ren said, and belatedly realized how dismissive it came across. “I’d much rather you make up for it, exchange bad for good. It’s possible.”

Goro looked unconvinced but nodded. 

“It didn’t start with that. It’s been a long time.”

“Your dad?”

Ren flinched, then nodded shakily. “We should really leave,” he said, after a tense silence. “We haven’t gotten far enough, and I don’t sense any others.”

Goro nodded and ran alongside him. Only after they’d reached Yongen did Ren finally relax. 

“Ren—” Goro started seriously. His hand slipped into Ren’s own, squeezing tightly. “Thank you. For telling me.”

Ren wasn’t sure why exactly Goro was thanking him. He felt a vague sense of discomfort, like this was wrong and should’ve been the other way round.

What would he thank Goro for, though? Being there for him? Being a confidant who could understand Ren’s everything on a deeper-than-surface level? Giving Ren the push needed for him to stop hiding? A part of Ren had felt like he’d pass without anyone knowing him truly, no matter how close they came. 

Goro changed that and Ren still didn’t know how he felt about it.

“Goodnight, Goro,” he settled on instead. Goro looked stunned for a moment before nodding.

“Goodnight, Ren.” And he let go of Ren’s hand.

\----

Ren knew he was bad with his own emotions. The past couple of days had been…messy. With the Dove attacking him, Goro changing his mind on joining him, the... kiss that still lingered on his lips, he’d been exhausted. 

It was almost his birthday, strangely enough. November 20th had shown up without Ren fully realizing it. His friends were busy with school and finals impending on them, but they promised in their group chat that they’d celebrate properly, as well as merging it with his welcome home party. He planned to invite Goro too, and break the news on his vote to let him on the team, but would they accept that? He wondered what he’d done to deserve them. All they ever knew was the best parts of him, anyway. 

He’d spent the day with Futaba and Sojiro, which didn’t fail to make him feel better. He didn’t need to hide from them… Well, it was more that he couldn’t hide from them. They were his family, after all. 

“Tada!” Futaba held up her Limited Edition Feather Pink figurine with pride. “And I got it all by myself. Ren didn’t even need to check out for me.”

Sojiro gave her a warm smile. “You've come a long way, haven’t you? Let’s just hope you have room for this one.”

“We made room before we left,” Ren reassured. “If not, I’ll keep some in my room.”

Futaba puffed out her cheeks. “Like hell you will. Dad won’t let you.”

Sojiro sighed at the sudden callout. “Just keep things clean.”

Ren smiled, allowing himself to fully enjoy the moment. 

“You look happy,” Sojiro said. “Something on your mind?”

Ren shrugged. “Not really, I’ve just been tired.”

“Don’t overwork yourself. You’re still a kid at the end of the day.”

“I know.”

Futaba’s curious eyes shifted to him. “Is it about last night?”

Ren chuckled. “That’s pretty observant for you, Futaba.”

“I’m not the best with people, but I take pride in knowing you pretty well.” She gave a smug smile.

“I’ve had a lot to think about in general…” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m trying not to worry too much.”

“Good,” Futaba said curtly. “We gotta get something for Mona now; he’ll complain if we don’t.”

“All right. We’ll be back.”

Sojiro smirked. “You two and that cat.”

“He’d resent that statement, you know!” Futaba said.

“I’ll leave you to it, then. You’ll be home before long, right? My hour’s just about up,” Sojiro asked, glancing at his watch.

Ren gave him an affirmative nod. “Sorry to keep you away.”

“Saturdays tend to be slow anyway. People have better things to do than drink coffee.”

“You still shouldn’t keep them waiting,” Futaba chimed in.

“If I didn’t know any better, it’d feel like you two were trying to get rid of me.”

“Oh—” Ren stopped himself before the words came out of his mouth too loudly.

Sojiro gave him a knowing look. “I’ll make sure he’s okay too, now go have fun.”

Ren smiled softly. “Thanks, dad. Come on, Futaba.”

He could find another time to talk about Goro. 

  
  


\----

Goro didn’t see Ren the next morning, or noon, or the afternoon, and just as he was about to worry he was being avoided again for prying, the bell of Leblanc jingled and the object of his long day's worth of thoughts walked in. 

Ren’s eyes immediately went to him, focusing on a specific point on his head that had been grazed open last night.

Goro was nursing a cup of coffee that Sojiro had served him earlier and he took a sip, remarking dryly, “Don’t be dramatic, I’m not fragile.”

He couldn’t exactly greet Ren the way he wanted, with a question. Why didn’t Ren come see him until now? What had he been doing all day? 

Sojiro looked between them. 

This wouldn’t work here. Goro had so much he wanted to talk about, but the few patrons of the quiet coffee shop weren’t an appreciated audience. 

He needed somewhere noisier, where their voices would drift and get lost amongst others. He deliberated for a while before feeling a lightbulb go on in his head. 

“Hey,” he beckoned Ren closer, “I’ve been cooped up here all day.”

“That’s kind of the best method of laying low” 

“There’s a place I want to go. Keep me company?” 

Ren’s eyes twinkled with something Goro couldn’t accurately place. 

“Lead the way then, detective.” Ren smiled and nodded, leaning back. 

Goro hadn’t realized their faces had come that close in the effort of keeping their voices hushed. 

In hindsight, that must’ve looked quite interesting to Sojiro. With a heated face, Goro chanced a look at the old shop owner, and sure enough, he was looking like he’d witnessed something he wasn’t too keen on seeing. 

Goro grabbed for his coat and unconsciously reached for Ren’s hand. Halfway through the movement he realized what he was doing and his hand stopped midway lamely. 

Sojiro had given up looking at them and was studying the beans in the grinder like he was going to dissect them. 

Goro pulled back his hand completely and led the way, Ren following closely behind.

“Kichijouji?” Ren inquired after they entered the area. “Doesn’t seem like your scene.”

Goro smiled and said quietly, “This place doesn’t feel like it belongs where it’s been placed. It’s a great comfort to me.” He stopped before the jazz club and pointed. “Here.”

“A jazz club…?” Ren looked worried. 

“It’s not a shady establishment, relax. Not that you’d care anyway.”

“If you say so.”

Goro dragged Ren to a table and hailed a waiter. He almost said ‘the usual’, but he caught himself before slipping. 

Ren looked very taken aback and very off-put by the colorful drinks Goro had ordered them.

“It’s not alcohol.” 

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

Goro snorted and sipped at his cup. 

Ren tentatively took a sip and looked immediately green in the face. “It’s sweet, I knew it.”

Goro grinned at him, twirling the straw between his index and thumb.

The music drifted around them, relaxing but loud enough for Goro to finally let himself speak his mind. He gnawed on his lip; the issue he was the most curious about would most definitely be the new development of their relationship now that they’d kissed, but the issue of becoming a phantom thief had also been eating up at his mind.

“You’ve been thinking about it, haven’t you?”

Ren stirred the rather fruity drink Goro had gotten for him. “It’s kinda been on my mind for the past day at least.”

Goro sighed rather, seeming disappointed. “I see… I’ve been told you’re no stranger to turning people down.”

That was true. Not too long before his capture, Kasumi had practically begged Ren to join, and as skilled as she was with his help, that spirit he craved was never present. She wanted to help him, not aid in his goal. Mishima was a valued confidant as well; without him there’d be no easy means to do their work, yet he was in it for the sake of fame, and he probably didn’t actually care about his grander goal. With Goro, he wasn’t sure either way. He’d given up everything, yet…

“To be honest…” Ren began, “I’m surprised you changed your mind. On TV, you always talked about how our justice was insubstantial. It isn’t that I took it personally, but it showed me that wasn’t why you were killing for Shido. Once you admitted it was for revenge, I felt like our goals were too different. After Shido is dealt with, what then?”

Goro looked down into his vibrant drink, looking defeated. Perhaps Ren was being too invasive. “Sorry, I—”

“Don’t apologize,” Goro said with little venom. “You’re completely right; I have nothing to do and it’s eating away at me.”

“You could’ve said that yesterday.”

“And made a damned fool of myself in front of your friends? They’d see me as desperately trying to get in their good graces.”  
  


“They saw you that way regardless. Level with me, Goro. Why did you change your mind?”

A moment passed, before it became a full minute. Finally, Goro’s defensive expression shifted to one of defeat. 

“I envy you,” he said, completely honest. “I envy that even if we’re the same...you did everything I’ve ever wanted. I hate how childish it sounds, but I want to do what's right. I suppose a part of me is still a child. The child who...wanted to use my power to help others. I ignored it while I was in the CCG, but…” Realization dawned upon Goro, “That’s...why I wanted to bring Shido down. It was the child in me who wanted for the bad guy to lose and the people he hurt to finally be happy. I...lost sight of that.” 

There it was. In that moment Goro’s actions finally made sense. 

Goro took a breath and continued, “It’s hard to admit things like this. It became about seeing Shido suffer, and I was willing to do anything to see that. Mom… is probably disappointed in all I’ve done. And claiming I did it for her sake just makes matters worse.”

Ren reached across the table, softly entangling his hand with Goro’s. “There’s still time, you know.”

Goro’s eyes lit up. “As in…”

Ren smiled with a nod. “I’ll advocate for you to join the Phantom Thieves.”

It was like when he had extended a hand to Goro in Cochlea, giving him a way out and giving him a place to stay. For days Ren had struggled for the reason why, but at last he found it. 

Morgana was right on Goro being an asset, but it went so much further. Goro understood him better than anyone else Ren had ever known. Goro was strong, able to keep up with him when none of the other thieves could. Goro wanted to know Ren, not as a leader or as Akira, but as himself. All parts of himself. Had he been craving for that all this time? Someone who knew what it was like? Someone who he could truly confide in?

“On one condition,” Ren began. “I want you to be the one I can fall back on.”

Goro’s expression shifted to one of confusion. “I don’t want to be your keeper, Ren.”

Ren stifled a laugh. “I mean I want you to have my back. If it’s my job as leader to look after the others, I want you to be the one I can fall back on.” He then took a deep breath. “You bring out the worst in me… but it’s a part of myself I need. The part that won’t hold back if the time comes, the part that embraces the power I have. You...said last night that I needed someone like that, so who better than you?” 

Goro’s eyes softened, or at least something behind them had. He empathized, didn’t he? He always did. 

“Can I count on you for that?”

Goro had no hesitation, which was what he loved to see. “Of course. I’m excited to see what you do.”

Honestly, he was excited too. There was something freeing in casting away that part of “Akira” at least partially. 

He and Goro talked at the Jazz Club for a while longer. Listening to the music and enjoying the atmosphere. Even if his party with his friends was more lively, there was something about the small moment with Goro that felt just as valuable. Goro had scooted closer to him around the second drink, and by now he was practically glued to his arm. The sweet vanilla scent mixed with that richness of a ghoul embraced Ren. It was quickly becoming one of his favorite smells. He found himself reaching again for Goro’s hand, feeling the soft palm against the gloves. Goro’s fingers softly intertwined with his, and he heard the former investigator give a content sigh. 

“I would like my name to be Crow.”

Ren couldn’t help but laugh. “How long has that been on your mind?”

Goro huffed. “A while. You all called me Dove before, but I’m no longer on the side of the CCG’s ‘radiant’ justice. Crows are scavengers. Besides, you said I’m your bird. I couldn’t give that up.” 

When had he become so good at catching him off guard? Ren almost brought a hand to his face to wipe the blush off. “I was half-asleep.”

Goro had a cheeky smirk on his face. “You weren’t when we kissed yesterday.”

Ren couldn’t lose now. Not today. “I’ll be sure to remember this time, Birdie.”

Goro leaned closer, close enough to breathe the same air as him. “When we kissed, what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t.” Ren’s hand traveled to brush a strand of hair away from Goro’s eyes, slipping to the tail end of it to toy with the soft tuft. 

“Then, what are you thinking now?” Goro’s tone was hushed, barely above a whisper. As if they were sharing a secret. 

“I really want to kiss you again,” Ren admitted. “I’ve been trying not to think about that the entire day. But it keeps happening.”

“Ren, I...” Goro bit his lip nervously, sending a rush of blood into Ren’s head unknowingly. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it either.”

“We should do something about it then, shouldn’t we?” Ren’s hand was still toying with a long strand of chestnut hair, and he tugged.

Goro had already eagerly leaned forward, eyes fluttered shut. Ren crossed the remaining distance, his hand sliding from soft hair to cradle Goro’s jaw. He slipped in a final glance at Goro’s face before he closed the space completely. 

It felt better somehow. Ren didn’t know it could get better. Last time, they had been clear-minded on principle, but somehow it felt like a pipedream still. With their earlier admissions, this time the feeling of his lips on Goro’s felt a bit more tangible. He still didn’t understand the feeling in his chest; it seemed Goro was content with keeping it unnamed. 

And these unnamed feelings that had been brewing between them had finally reached an outlet, as they kissed gently.

Goro was so soft and warm, holding onto Ren’s hand on his jaw. Ren drew circles with his thumb over the sensitive skin, making Goro’s breath hitch in the air between them. 

Ren didn’t abandon all inhibitions; he still had considerations, such as that they were in a public jazz bar, and that making out full-on wasn’t the most effective way of staying under the radar for two runaway fugitives.

So when Goro let out a quiet whine against his mouth, Ren moved the hand resting on Goro’s jaw to the back of his neck and patted, placating, as he pulled away.

Expectedly, Goro let out a small sound of protest that made warmth well in Ren’s chest.

“C'mon, Goro, have a little sympathy for the other patrons,” Ren whispered.

Goro looked confused before he scoffed. “If couples can terrorize me with their PDA daily, I think it’s only fair they bear with this much.”

“I’m not against vigilante justice either, of course,” Ren grinned. “But if we want to frequent this place, I don’t think it’s a very good idea to get kicked out.”

“It would make for an interesting story to retell.” Goro put on a show of contemplating it.

Ren laughed and leaned back, hailing a very stressed-looking waiter to pay the bill. 

“Let’s go home.”

He shot Futaba a quick warning text as they entered Leblanc. 

Sojiro looked up from the counter he was wiping and nodded to them in greeting. Ren nodded back. 

“Are you boys hungry? There’s some leftovers.”

Ren glanced at Goro as the other boy smiled politely at Sojiro and declined. 

Sojiro gave him a suspicious look, because Goro was quite a glutton in his experience and wouldn’t pass up a warm meal, but let it go. 

Goro scurried to the attic and Ren lingered behind for a moment to greet Sojiro properly. 

“Are you coming home tonight or should I lock up?”

Ren glanced in the direction of the attic and gave it a thought. “I’ll be coming home. I won’t be too long.”

“All right, don’t forget to lock the cafe.”

Sojiro picked up his coat and hat and moved to leave as Ren climbed up to the attic. 

“You really don’t want to eat?” he asked as he sat down next to Goro on the bed. 

“I’m not hungry.” 

Ren found that hard to believe, but he let it go, lifting his legs onto the mattress and leaning his forehead against Goro’s. 

“Do you want to talk about this?” Goro’s voice was quiet, and although they were alone, Ren lowered his voice as well.

“Give me time.” He didn’t elaborate as he closed the distance between their lips, drawing them together once more.

Goro probably understood. Kissing like this, giving their feelings a form, was a lot easier than giving their feelings a name. Ren had always been bad at words anyways. He didn’t want to think about those things; they made things so much harder. It gave him a lot more things to consider, and put a lot more weight to his choices. 

Bracketing Goro between his arms like this, it felt natural, like he’d done it all his life, like the pressure of Goro’s lips on his own was a part of him he’d long lost and finally found again. 

This magnetism wasn’t something he could deny, so he let himself fall into it. One night. He would give in to his desires.

He’d be selfish for once, just this once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	8. i'll be glad i took the chance

“Do you do this with all your new recruits?” Goro asked, voice light. He was resting his head on Ren’s chest, cuddled up to him in the small makeshift bed in Leblanc’s attic.

“Only the pretty ones.” Ren went along with a teasing tone.

The detective gave him a glare halfway joking and halfway terrifying. Ren grinned.

In the dimly lit attic, the angles of Goro’s face grew sharper, the shadows contouring them deeper. Watching the moonlight soften these features every time the boy shifted against him, curiously, Ren thought, he wanted to keep him.

“Goro,” Ren said, quietly.

“Hm?” 

He wanted to keep Goro by his side as long as he could.

“What I feel for you, it’s not something I’ve felt for anyone before.”

That piqued Goro’s interest; he stirred, sitting up. Ren sat up as well to face him properly. 

“And what is it you feel?”

It wasn’t a question that Goro didn’t have the answer to, Goro’s words were asking whether Ren was ready to talk about it, to say it out loud yet.

Ren had known, for quite some time, that what he felt couldn’t be anything as simple as attraction, or as transient as a crush. He was drawn to Goro as if the boy was a part of him he’d been missing his entire life. 

“Ren... I’m— in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for some time now. It’s not a feeling I’ve felt before either, at least not this intensely.” It seemed like Goro had chosen to bite the bullet and say it first. He had always been that way, brave. Sure of himself once he’d set his mind to something. A torrent that no force could oppose. “If I could, I would spend the rest of my life by your side, if you’d let me..”

Goro was toying nervously with the thin silver chain around his wrist, eyes boring straight into Ren’s own.

Ren circled that wrist with his hand and drew it to his mouth, placing a kiss at the center, just over that bracelet. 

Ren thought how wonderful it would be if he were to breath his last with Goro by his side.

He pulled back to bury his hands in Goro’s hair and kiss him deeply. Saying all the things he didn’t have the words to say in the way his lips moved against Goro’s. Vowed his vows with the way he dug his fingers into Goro’s hair. 

“Ren.” Goro pulled back, imploring Ren with his eyes. 

Ren didn’t even notice when his lips moved. “I love you.” 

That painful sliver of doubt in Goro’s eyes left without a trace. “Thank you,” Goro whispered, burrowing his face into Ren’s shoulder, laughing softly. A little incredulous, more than a little happy.

Ren smiled and pulled him closer. “I’m sorry. I’m not the best with words.” Or emotions. Goro knew that. He knew Goro knew, but he wanted to say it out loud once at least.

“I can tell, most of the time. It’s just... sometimes I just— I need—“ Goro sighed into Ren’s shoulder. “I’m not very confident sometimes.”

Ren hummed, fingers running through Goro’s soft hair. “Some things must be said out loud.” 

Goro looked back up to catch Ren’s gaze. “Then, I’m going to say this now, it’s a little silly to ask at this point but, are we—“ Goro seemed to hesitate a little, as if trying to find the right word. “Lovers?”

Ren laughed and pulled Goro back into his arms. “Rivals with romantic tendencies.” 

“You’re so annoying,” Goro grumbled against the side of his neck where Ren had smushed him.

“Yeah, we can call it that. Lovers it is.”

He felt Goro’s lips curve against the skin of his neck. “Lovers, then.”

—

Goro was partially expecting for Ren to be gone by the time he woke up. He wasn’t mad, surprisingly. He knew Ren had a family to return to who would be worried if he flaked out after saying he wouldn’t be long. It didn’t stop him from being slightly disappointed. Perhaps it was the idealist in him, imagining his lover waking up beside him. 

Lover. They were lovers now. They made it official last night and there was no going back. A pit of regret opened up in Goro’s stomach, reminding him of everything he’d done. Yet Ren cared anyway, and wanted to stay by his side. It didn’t feel real, like any moment he’d wake up from this dream. What had he done to deserve it?

No, it wasn’t about deserving, at least not anymore.

Conflicting emotions about the future aside, he felt happy at that moment. When was the last time he felt this happy? He couldn’t really remember. After everything he’d been through, a moment to finally allow himself to be happy felt necessary, and it was nice to feel loved.

Goro woke up once more to the sound of the bell jingling downstairs. It seemed like the shop was getting ready to open. Goro changed his clothes, giving himself a once-over in the mirror to make sure he looked presentable. Other than his hair looking a bit messier than usual, everything seemed to be in order, so he headed downstairs while trying to pat it down.

He’d been helping Sojiro with opening and closing the cafe lately. Sitting around so much made him a bit restless, so having something to do helped immensely. He wasn’t allowed anywhere near the brewing equipment, but at least he wasn’t just sitting alone in an attic with a demon cat for occasional company. 

“Oh, you’re awake,” Sojiro greeted as soon as he saw Goro, but Goro’s eyes were immediately drawn to the barstool where Ren was sitting.

Their eyes met briefly before Goro crumbled and looked away. It wouldn’t do, becoming like this at just the sight of the other. He heard a chuckle come from that side of the cafe, which he refused to look back at.

He looked at Sojiro instead, who glanced between them and then at each of them with a raised brow. 

“All right, kid, there are some new beans that got delivered a few minutes ago. C’mon, no time to waste!” 

Goro, ever thankful for the insight of this old man, scurried to move the boxes to the back. 

He took the time to collect himself as he organized the bags on the shelves. Upon returning to the counter, the mouthwatering smell of curry hit his nostrils. 

It seemed like even birthday celebrations called for curry in this household. While he was away, Futaba had come too, and was chatting animatedly with Ren. 

Sojiro was making coffee behind the counter while waiting for the curry to cook. Goro wasn’t blind to the fact that the beans of choice were of the special, very overpriced variety.

Then, it was curry and expensive coffee for birthdays. 

It didn’t seem like they would say anything about it, either, like that subtle change would be enough of a birthday wish. Seeing Ren grinning from the corner of his eye, Goro thought it surely seemed to be enough for the one being celebrated.

In honesty, Goro had remembered, too, that it was Ren’s birthday. He’d been prepared for some time, having enlisted Morgana’s help in a present-procuring outing. He hadn’t known if he could trust the mouthy cat to keep quiet, but it seemed like it had managed to thus far. 

The Phantom Thieves had unanimously decided to postpone the party until after their mission, Morgana had informed him. Goro decided to take that time to actually gather the courage to give Ren his gift. To say he’d splurged was an understatement. Using his worthless father’s money on something that the bastard definitely wouldn’t approve of, that made Goro happy, felt more like revenge than anything he’d ever done in that regard.

So he kept quiet, pretending he didn’t know, and perched next to Ren on the barstool, quietly nursing a cup of that expensive coffee.

He’d been relishing in the flavor, taking a nice sip of the warm, rich blend, when he felt Ren’s gloved hand rest on his knee.

Ren said, clear and concise, “We’re together now; I thought you should know.”

He threw it out so nonchalantly it caught Goro off guard, and he almost spat out that mouthful of coffee. Goro whipped his head to Ren, then to Sojiro and Futaba, but couldn’t hold any of their gazes. It felt a little like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. In the end, he settled on staring at Ren’s reassuring grip on his knee. 

Sojiro hummed, not sounding surprised at all, and said, “As long as you’re sure.” 

Futaba said through a spoonful of curry, “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t know everything the whole time and say I’m happy for you, Ren! Your tastes are a little questionable, but you seem happy and that’s good enough for me!”

Goro had the mind to be offended by that and secretly scoffed. He agreed to some degree, but thinking it himself was different from someone else saying it out loud.

Breakfast went on without much incident after that. Goro felt awkward the entire time, but that was his own fault, really. Sojiro and Futaba really took everything in stride way too fast. 

Before he managed to excuse himself, Sojiro gave him a stern look and said firmly, “The past is in the past if Ren doesn’t hold it against you. I won’t either, but the future is in your hands now. Don’t blow it.”

Goro acquiesced sincerely, “I wouldn’t. I’ll never repeat that mistake.”

“Sure hope you don’t.” Futaba gave him her most threatening look and Goro was almost scared. Almost. 

Ren chuckled. “All right, enough threatening my boyfriend; we’re going upstairs until it’s time for the meeting.”

Before Sojiro or Futaba could make an out of line comment about their departure, Ren grabbed Goro’s hand and pulled him along to the attic.

“You could’ve warned me, you know.”

“I never planned to keep it a secret; they’re my family.”

“You could’ve warned me,” Goro stressed.

“It’s not that big of a deal. I don’t have anything to hide. What we’re doing isn’t wrong.”

It seemed like Ren was taking this a very different way. “Of course it’s not. I’m not saying we are.”

“Then what is there to hide?” Ren pressed.

“It’s not hiding... I was just— surprised, that’s all.”

He really had been. The fact that Ren told his family about him, the fact that Ren had cared enough to. It felt a little like Ren wanted him to feel included in this little family, the warm and loving family that didn’t need wishes to celebrate a birthday.

“She would’ve loved you,” Goro found himself saying wistfully. “My mom would’ve loved you.”

Ren’s gaze softened and he hummed, arms naturally coming to circle around Goro. “Would she have?”

“I don’t remember much of her, but I remember when I was younger, there was this boy I played with. I didn’t have any toys back then; she tried her best but we could barely get food on the table most of the time. I was just a kid, I couldn’t understand that, and kept hounding her for them.” Goro’s eyes focused and unfocused.

Ren looked like he wanted to reassure him, but Goro kept talking.

“That boy would often share his toys with me. Shiny and brand new. Oddly, I didn’t feel jealous. I would talk to my mom about him all day. She always smiled at me and told me the same thing after I would talk about him: ‘It’s good that you found someone who would take care of you when I’m not there. I would be at ease if you found someone willing to take care of you and love you. Don’t be like your mother, okay?’

“She’d always say that to me. I think she’d be at ease now, knowing someone has my back finally. Someone who’d want to share good things with me. I think she would’ve liked to know that.”

Goro wasn’t sad. Ren’s reassuring grip on him was still nice. Even better as he tightened it further. When Goro chanced a look at Ren’s face, the thief looked deep in thought, his eyes fixed to a point on Goro’s wrist. Goro followed his line of sight, and his eyes landed on the thin silver chain sitting there. 

“I’m glad. That I can share good things with you now,” Ren said at last, placing a kiss on Goro’s shoulder. 

Goro smiled down at the fluffy head of hair resting on his shoulder. He hoped his mom could rest in peace now. He thought, even with his scumbag father still breathing, his mom would be assured knowing how he was now.

Vengeance was never what would set her free; it had always been what trapped him, her obsession passed down to him and shackling him. He thought he might’ve ended up the same way had he not found a way out.

“I’m glad, too.” Goro leaned forward, burying his face in the soft locks. Ren smelled like coffee, the spicy smell of curry, the bitter smell of ghoul and a lot like comfort. “I’m glad I met you.”

He was no longer that husk of a person, in that cold, lonely apartment with the ghost of his mother at the corner of his bed. He looked back on that person with pity.

He no longer wanted to go back to that. 

And here, with Ren huddled close to him, warmth seeped through their clothes and to his heart. 

He was no longer a person who had never known an emotion as warm as belonging.

\---

“Yo! Mornin’.” Sakamoto arrived first, giving Ren a rough pat on his shoulder. “Happy birthday, man. Sorry we had to move the party.”

Ren smiled warmly at him. “It’s fine. This comes first, after all.”

Sakamoto didn’t greet him, nor did Goro necessarily expect him to. Even if his and Ren’s relationship had changed, it didn’t mean that the others would magically warm up to him. Over the course of the next twenty minutes the rest of the thieves rolled into Leblanc, each muttering apologies. Ren, being the kind person he was, simply smiled and thanked his friends for being considerate. Goro supposed his envy would never truly go away, no matter how much he willed it. 

“All right,” Ren began, once all pleasantries were exchanged. “Let’s start with addressing the elephant in the room.” 

“You mean Akechi,” Makoto said, rather briskly. Goro couldn’t help but look away from her. Ren had to run everything by his teammates, didn’t he? It was annoying.

“Yes. I’ve decided that I will vote for him joining the team.”

The rest of the Thieves had mixed reactions. Takamaki smiled along with Kitagawa. Sakamoto, Okumura, and Futaba had more neutral expressions, and Makoto seemed a lot more uncomfortable. Great. 

“That breaks the tie, then,” Ren continued. “But I get that you’d all be conflicted, and I don’t blame you. So,” he turned to Goro, “I’m suggesting we hold off any initiation until he proves himself.”

That was a surprise to Goro, and he couldn’t help but flinch. No, it wasn’t that surprising; Ren had said he’d advocate for him, not that he would force him on the team.

“What are you thinking?” Morgana asked, flicking his tail.

“I’m thinking we bring him when we go after Lion. To see how he works with the rest of you.”

“You talk as if you’ve worked with him before, Akira-kun,” Haru observed. 

“I’ve hunted with him a few times, and we do fine when it’s just us. Which is why this isn’t a test of his ability.”

“So we’re gonna work him into the mission,” Sakamoto stated. “I mean… I guess he deserves the chance.”

Two days ago, he felt like Sakamoto was his biggest detractor next to Makoto, yet here he was advocating for him. “What made you change your mind?” Goro couldn’t help but ask out loud.

Sakamoto huffed. “I guess I kinda relate to you? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not gonna forgive you for what happened to Akira, but I get wanting to be accepted. It’d be a dick move to turn you away. ”

“I second that,” Kitagawa said. “I understand having nowhere to go. And I believe Akechi has already shown us he’s willing to fight on our side.”

To his surprise, Okumura nodded. “I...also understand what it’s like. To be an accessory to someone like that. And… I believe in second chances, especially since you helped us before.”

Goto did a double take. “Is that forgiveness, Okumura-san?”

The ghoul shook her head. “It isn’t about forgiveness. It’s more that I… I can’t hate you in spite of everything. Like Ryu-kun said, I see myself in you, Akechi-kun.” 

That felt… strange to hear. The fact that this group related to him. At first he wanted to scoff, and jeer at the idea that they would even pretend to know what it was like to be born into a world that couldn’t handle you. Not like Ren did. But he knew that would be pointless, like tearing off the hand that fed him. As soon as the resentment passed, he was left with something warmer.

“I’m in no place to argue if Haru doesn't have a problem cooperating with him.” Makoto seemed rather defeated. “I can’t go around holding a grudge. So I’ll cooperate with him as well.”

“Hey, I didn’t give my two cents yet,” Futaba said abruptly. “But… yeah. I can agree that he and Akira work well together, so I’m fine with this at least as far as manpower goes.”

Ren smiled at that, and Goro could see his shoulders slightly relax in relief. He couldn’t help but relax too. Even if he wasn’t fully on the team yet, the others were willing to accept him. It felt like the weight on his back lessened ever so slightly.

“Great!” Takamaki said, clapping her hands together. “Now that that’s settled, what’s the plan for the mission?”

Futaba finally seemed interested in the conversation again. “I’ve pinpointed Lion and his “Pride’s” hideout here, an abandoned store.” She pointed to an area on a map. “Judging by what Mona’s found smell-wise, they’re probably hoarding bodies there. The smell wards humans off and there are enough ghouls to kill anyone too concerned.”

“Do you have numbers?” Ren asked.

“When I checked out the place, I saw around four or five at a time,” Morgana answered. “Lion was deeper in the hideout, the rest were patrolling and keeping the bodies safe from other ghouls.”

“The S-ranking seems warranted,” Kitagawa noted. “Especially if he has personal guards.”   
  


“I don’t have ranks on the grunts,” Futaba said, “but I’d estimate As and Bs.”

“Right. Ann, Makoto, Ryuji, you’ll take care of them. Yusuke, you'll be backup. If anyone gets too close for comfort, swap out. Goro and I will find Lion. Haru, you’ll back us up.”

“Oooo~” Takamaki cooed. “Trying to spend more time with him, Kira?”   
  


Ren sighed with a small smile. “More like, I’m testing a theory. Goro implied last meeting that Lion could be trying to trap us. I was thinking maybe we could get some information out of him if the tides turn in our favor.”

“And how’s Akechi gonna help?” Sakamoto asked. 

Goro immediately caught on to Ren’s line of thought. “Lion could be affiliated with Shido, and you’re looking to bring him down in a different way.”

Ren smiled. “Exactly. Going to Shido directly any time soon would be terrible. We shouldn’t continue to move through his Dove circle.”

“So we go with the ghouls he was affiliated with,” Okumura answered. “I understand; so we should interrogate them as well.”

“Yes. Information will be just as valuable as stopping them. Of course, keeping them from terrorizing those people is our first priority. By any means.”

Goro had to give credit where it was due: Ren knew how to control a conversation. Even if he sounded as casual and calm as he always did, there was a definite authority behind his tone. He couldn’t quite place it, but it made sense why several ghouls and humans would take to him as a leader. If anything, he liked it. 

“Alrighty,” Futaba exclaimed. “We’re ready to do this tonight, right?”

“Tomorrow night,” Makoto said. “That way we have the whole day to prepare.”

“Tomorrow at midnight then,” Morgana confirmed. 

There was a chorus of affirmative voices around Leblanc. 

“Then we can adjourn the meeting for now,” Ren said. “We’ll meet back here before midnight. Be sure to rest up before then.”

There was something undoubtedly stylish about everything they did, Goro had to admit. Unlike investigators who met and targeted based on months of gathered information and moved in smaller squads, Ren simply commanded one. Operations, especially large-scale ones, could end in disaster due to one mistake, yet… the Phantom Thieves always moved with such efficiency. No long periods of gathering information and clunky commands all for one target. It was genuinely impressive. 

Honestly, Goro was excited. 

Even after everyone had filtered out of Leblanc, Takamaki lingered behind conspicuously. Ren had matters to attend and had already left, so it couldn’t be for him.

“Did you need something? I can’t make coffee; if that’s what you want, you’re going to have to wait until Sakura-san opens up.” Goro diligently checked his wristwatch. “It’ll be a couple more hours before he comes for the evening shift.”

“Ah, no…” She shuffled her feet nervously. “The thing is...” She bit her bottom lip and knit her brows. 

Goro raised a brow.

Takamaki shuffled further inside, moving closer until she was sitting on the chair next to Goro’s. Goro raised his brows further. 

“I have no interest in girls.”

Ann looked confused, then she looked like she was going to be sick. “Ew, no! I have no interest in boys either.”

That piqued Goro’s interest. “Oh?”

“Yeah, I’m a lesbian! And! I happen to have a girlfriend!”

“Good for you,” Goro said sincerely, even if a little bitterly. 

“You’ve met her, actually!” Takamaki looked excited.

Goro couldn’t help but go along with her. “I have?”

“Mako-chan! We’ve been together for almost a year now! You won’t believe how much we fought when we first met. Literally like, the biggest plot twist ever that we’re together now!” She looked bright and energetic, a helplessly fond look in her eyes as she spoke.

Goro rested his chin on his hand and watched in amusement. 

Takamaki seemed to catch herself going off-track and hurriedly went back to the issue at hand. “Anyways yeah, no, I’m not into men. Definitely not into you either,” Ann reassured one more time, as if Goro insinuating so was character assassination. “But I wanted to talk to you about something...”

Goro let out a soft, “Oh?” 

“Um, so I kind of have a guess. I know it might be rude to ask you about these kinds of things, and it’s kinda none of my business, but think of it as me wanting to help! I promise I just want to be helpful.”

Goro could kind of tell where this was going, and he wasn’t sure he appreciated it.

“Is there something going on between you and our leader?”

“And if there was?”

Ann looked thoughtful. “I’d be glad you two weren’t dragging your feet like idiots.”

Goro raised both his eyebrows. “Huh?”

“If you two are still too useless to admit it to each other, let me help!”

Goro thought that was ridiculous.

“Why do you think I'd need your assistance?”

Takamaki gave him a very pointed, very on-the-nose look that he didn’t like at all. Goro sighed.

“I understand your good intentions, but as it happens, we aren’t,” he air-quoted, “useless.”

“What do you mean? You guys are already official?!”

After a moment, he admitted, quietly, with a helpless smile, “Yes.”

“Wow, our leader sure moves fast...”

Goro chuckled lightly. “Truly.”

“Like, how far are we talking?” Ann looked like she was on the brink of pulling a bottle of nail polish to gossip over applying. 

He peered at Takamaki. As much as he didn’t like it, a big part of him felt like she had good intentions. He felt at ease while she talked. He guessed he’d have to accept these feelings if he wanted to be a functioning member of the team. So, he took the security he felt in stride and relaxed his shoulders. 

“I...” Goro started, set on confiding in this unexpected confidant. “We kissed. We kiss.”

Takamaki looked excited. “That far already?!”

Goro bit his tongue from saying more and nodded. “Yes. We haven’t had time to talk about it recently.” Goro laced his fingers tightly together. It was less that they didn’t have time and more that they both came to the consensus that they didn’t want to think. “I don’t understand him at all.”

Takamaki’s face sobered and she asked in a serious tone, “Why?”

“I’ve had feelings for R—” Goro paused to correct himself. “I’ve had feelings for him for quite some time now. I had accepted that they wouldn’t be returned and I was comfortable with that. This changes everything. It feels odd.”

Takamaki gave him a curious look at the slip-up, but hummed thoughtfully. “Did your feelings lessen or go away after you found out there was a chance they’d be reciprocated?” 

Goro internally chided himself before giving her question some thought. “They haven’t. It even feels good that they are reciprocated. It’s just—”

Takamaki nodded encouragingly. Goro gulped; it was becoming quite pathetic how much he was oversharing.

“After everything I’ve done, it doesn’t make sense why he should like me back. It’s wrong. Why would someone like him have feelings for me, out of all people? He has so many better options; it shouldn’t—” Goro was going faster than his mind could catch up to what his mouth was saying, and he only stopped when Takamaki raised a finger, shushing him.

“You can’t logically explain things like this. If there was any logic behind it, it wouldn’t be love.”

That word made his insides tingle; the way Ren had said it that night still clung to his mind. Goro knew she wasn’t wrong.

“It’s just... I’m bad for him.” 

“You’re not the one who gets to decide that. You don’t get to decide how Akira should feel, because he obviously sees you in a better light than you see yourself. You need to stop thinking too much. What’s happened, happened; when it’s all said and done, all you can do is do better.” Takamaki’s tone was firm. “And you are doing better. The way I see it, you’re not a bad person. I don’t think you ever were.”

Goro didn’t think so, but he didn’t say that. “I thought you all hated me,” he pointed out instead, raising a brow challengingly.

“I never hated you. I can’t say the same for everyone else, but personally, I never hated you. I hated your actions, sure, but I never thought you were a terrible person, just a little warped by your circumstances.”

“You’re very optimistic,” Goro noted.

“You’re all just a bunch of downers.” Takamaki rolled her eyes. “In any case, in these scenarios, you shouldn’t use your head. Your heart is the only thing you need to listen to.”

Did Goro somehow get transported into a shitty cliche coming of age film? This was ridiculous. What was more ridiculous was that Goro caught himself actually contemplating that piece of advice. 

“Perhaps it’d be better for the both of us if we use our heads.”

“Maybe, but it wouldn’t be what you wanted. You’ll always live with the regret of never trying. What’s there to worry about so much?” Takamaki leaned forward, enthusiastic. “Get the stone rolling and cross bridges as they come. Why do you need to think of everything that could go wrong and not what could go right?! Just try, if it doesn’t work out then at least you’ll have the good memories and no regrets.”

Goro hated that she actually made sense. He didn’t know what there was to overthink so much. He’d been through multiple near death experiences, for fuck’s sake; this wasn’t anything to sweat over. Moreover, wasn't it already too late at this point?

“I’ll take your advice into consideration. Thank you, Takamaki-san.”

“Just Ann is fine, Goro-kun! Wait, can I call you Goro? Akechi,” she settled on after sputtering.

“Then, it’s only fair that just Goro is okay, Ann.” He felt himself smile against his will.

Ann beamed back. “I hope my love guru advice will come in handy! You can talk to me anytime, okay? I’m like, always online, so just shoot me a text if you need anything! Or you know... just wanna chat!”

“I’ll keep that in mind if I need to trouble you in the future.” He grinned. “Or, just chat.”

Ann waved goodbye with a huge smile and left, citing that ‘Mako-chan’ would kill her if she was late for their date. Goro wished her a fun time before she left.

Goro was left with a novel feeling in his chest. He’d almost never had ‘friends’ his age. Having someone to speak to, to confide in, that wasn’t Sae or Ren, was new to him. Ann was such a nice person too, and easy to talk to. 

The pressure he felt flattening him when around the Phantom Thieves eased a little. He only had Ren to count on before, only Ren to address in the group. Having Ann there and knowing she didn’t hate him, it lifted a huge burden from his chest. 

He wondered if it was an isolated case, or if the other members also didn’t hold as much contempt for Goro as he’d thought.

Ann had rubbed off some of that unfounded optimism on him, it seemed. 

And maybe that wasn’t such a terrible thing.

\----

Ren ended up coming back to the cafe around sunset, carrying several bags. If Goro didn’t know any better he’d assume the half-ghoul went on a casual grocery run. 

“Welcome back,” Goro greeted, not quite looking up from his phone.

“Honey, I’m home,” was Joker’s dumb response, softly giving him a peck on the cheek. Though the lighthearted delivery made Goro chuckle. 

“Where were you?”

“Getting things for the heist, mostly medicine.” Ren pulled out a few suspicious-looking bottles from the bag. “And stuff to patch people up if anything goes wrong. And visiting a couple people.”

“These look...odd. CCG-grade odd. How did you get this?”

“Takemi used to work for them, so now she gives me their quality of medicine.”

Of course. What other human doctor would live in Yongen-Jaya and have most of her patients be ghouls?

“Exactly how many connections do you have? A reporter, a former CCG doctor—”

“A quinque dealer, a politician, a fortune teller who may or may not actually be a hundred years old, you already know the info broker... Honestly, I could go on. It's vital having people on our side, you know.”

Goro could assume so, but just hearing it made it all seem more official. Seeing the age of the Phantom Thieves certainly downplayed them in his mind. Regardless of how they were a bunch of kids who went to school between missions, they were still a genuine organized group who were able to break into Cochlea like it was nothing. Now Goro was a part of it. It felt absurd. 

“What do you plan to do for the rest of the day?”

“Cook, maybe watch my favorite episodes of Featherman R with Futaba to round out the night. I kinda wanna take it easy.”

“Cook?”

“It calms the nerves. Actually, I wanted to try something. Sit back for a bit.”

Goro did as he was told as Ren made his way into Leblanc’s kitchen. He watched as he washed vegetables, measured spices, the whole process for making curry. But Goro noticed something different about the smell. It was almost sweet. Everything about the scene was so domestic, watching Ren cook as the mostly-empty cafe filled with the smell of curry, it was heavenly. Goro hadn’t realized that he was starting to feel hunger pang in his stomach. The hunger that reared its ugly head every so often... what was setting it off? 

A while later, Ren returned to him at their booth, with a plate of curry without any rice. The smell was divine, but something about it seemed… slightly different, a good different, even if Goro couldn’t place his finger on what exactly it was. 

“Let me know how it tastes.” Ren sat across from him, his eyes shining in anticipation.

“Do you plan to tell me what you did to it?” he asked, eying the plate for anything out of the ordinary. Perhaps it was a prank, like the sandwich, something to lighten the mood before he was tested by the Phantom Thieves tomorrow night. 

Ren shook his head. “That’s a trade secret.”

Ever the chef, Goro supposed. With a sigh, he brought a spoonful to his mouth and took a bite. Somehow, it was better than he had grown used to. The taste was rich, spicy, with a very slight hint of sweetness. Without hesitation, he took another bite, then another. Goro didn’t know if he was hungry, or if Ren truly belonged in a gourmet kitchen instead of the tiny one in a small cafe. 

The other half-ghoul’s eyes were filled with warmth and appreciation. “I’m glad you liked it.” His smile was soft, as he brought a finger to his hair to play with a curl, a small blush forming on his face. 

“Don’t be modest. You should be more proud of these talents.” Goro set the spoon down and allowed his stomach to settle. It was odd; he actually felt full. Not just satiated or ‘full’ enough to trick his ghoul half into thinking it wasn’t hungry. “What was different?” he asked Ren more directly. “Something was changed from Sakura-san’s recipe.”

To his surprise, Ren sighed. “Tae lent me some blood she uses for transfusions. I figured since I don’t know how to make the synthetic stuff you’re used to, and I don’t want to force you to eat what I eat, this was a compromise. Besides, you need your strength.”

Blood… Human blood.

Goro couldn’t help but be shocked, even if that other side of himself probably knew the moment the curry hit his tongue. He wasn’t angry, not in the slightest. If anything, it felt good to know Ren cared so much. He knew deep down that he would have to eat eventually, and no amount of pushing the thought away would change that. Ghoul hunger was dangerous, and if it wasn’t satisfied, he knew something horrible would happen. “Thank you.” The words escaped Goro’s lips before he could stop them, warmth still creeping around his heart.

Another moment of affirmation that he wasn’t regretting his choice to be with Ren. He didn’t deserve him, yet here he was. 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Ren said, shifting in his seat.

“I need to do something since you’ve done more than enough for me.”

Ren gave him a soft smile, then a soft kiss, before he headed back into the kitchen to wash his dish. A part of Goro was willing to wait until he was done so he could ask if they could nap. He recalled last night and how nice it was to be wrapped in Ren’s arms, feeling truly loved for the first time in his life. He felt his stomach churn at how sappy the memory was, yet he still welcomed it. 

“What’s up?” Ren asked, wiping the plate Goro had used with a towel.

“Just waiting for you, in case you’re tired. I’m meant to look after you, after all.”

Ren stretched a moment after putting the plate away. “I had plans....”

Goro sighed. “Your schedule seems too packed on the day before a mission. An hour will be enough.”

Ren blinked with a scoff. “I take it you don’t sleep much. Well, you don’t have a cat that demands you sleep at least 8 hours each night and gets irritated when you decide to nap.”

“Is Morgana that much of a tyrant?”

“You have no idea.” Ren’s words were sharp. “He’s been that way since I was little.”

Goro could hardly imagine a militant cat running Ren’s sleeping schedule, but it could talk, so who’s to say? Upon getting to the attic, he turned off his phone, not wanting to be distracted. He felt like he had slept more in the last week than he had in the full year, but Ren was a great help with that. How much time they often spent together...how much he cared...it was still so surreal. 

“Well?” Goro prompted once more.

Ren heaved a sigh, “Alright, I can’t say no to my little bird.”

Goro beamed at the pet name, snuggling into his bed. He drifted off rather quickly, wrapped in Ren’s arms, the world around them fading into nothing. 

-

Ren couldn’t muster the will to leave the bed that evening, with Goro nestled in his arms, snoring lightly. It was nice, the sort of moment he wished he could capture in time or would last forever. Of course that led to Futaba coming to Leblanc and sitting awkwardly on the couch while he held Goro, until they both eventually passed out around midnight during an episode of Bubbly Hills. 

He’d promised he would make it up to her though, and what kind of leader broke his word? Moreover, he’d actually missed hanging out with his friends more casually. He didn’t have the chance to hang out with them as much as he’d been used to lately. 

The next day, in mid-afternoon, he shot Futaba a quick text asking for a location share that earned him a smug remark about not minding them if he was  _ too busy _ alongside what he asked for.

The location led him to a park bench where Futaba was sitting and waiting for him, her eyes entirely focused on the game she was playing on her phone. Yusuke was idly standing in front of her, looking around with his sketchbook in hand. Probably Futaba’s chosen meat shield from social interaction for today. 

“I got all the leftover bread from the cafe,” Ren said in the place of a greeting, and threw a bag to each of them. “And brought some of what I got last night.” Upon getting closer he handed Yusuke a small, tightly-wrapped container. 

Yusuke had once seen Sojiro throw out the bread from unfinished meals and his heart broke over the waste, demanding it stop. His friend was far from a hunter due to being raised by a human, and sort of relied on the other ghouls in the group to hunt for him, not that any of them particularly minded. Not all ghouls could hunt, after all. 

Before Futaba could offer to eat it herself, Yusuke had suggested they feed it to the birds and ducks in the nearby park, since it got them close enough to use as models. And so, it had become a weekly activity for the three of them, to go feed the ducks and birds. 

“You haven’t called me in quite some time to sketch, Yusuke, I’m getting a bit sad.” 

Yusuke gave him a look. “I haven’t really had the chance.”

Futaba laughed. “You’ve been ignoring all of us lately for a little bird you picked up.”

“I have  _ not _ ,” Ren denied vehemently.

“Have so!”

Yusuke hummed in agreement. 

“I’m here now, am I not?”

“Almost thought you wouldn’t come,” Futaba countered. “You were napping the afternoon away like Mona.”

“You’re being dramatic.” He only happened to be a  _ little _ late. 

“It’s three in the afternoon.” Yusuke teamed up with his sister against him, showing Ren the digits on the cracked screen of his phone.

“Stop ganging up on me, all right, I’m sorry.” Then, quietly and in a more serious tone, Ren said. “Thank you for vouching for Goro yesterday, both of you.”

“Don’t mention it. I didn’t really do it for you. I don’t think it’s such a bad idea to have a new member.”

“He’s very strong, too, advantageous to have on our side,” Yusuke reasoned.

“Speaking of the dove...” Futaba started as she tore the bread into tiny pieces, her tone steering the conversation in a different direction. 

“You know everything already, don’t pretend,” Ren interrupted.

Yusuke looked confused, then thoughtful. “Are you two talking about Akira’s relationship with the dove, perhaps?”

Futaba grinned. “Of course. It’s the spiciest thing happening recently!”

“I’d say breaking into a top-security prison is up there too,” Ren supplied.

“I must agree with Futaba. I’m more drawn to sentimentality; it's quite an inspiration of mine,” Yusuke added helpfully to the discussion.

“Exactly, Inari! What’s so special about beating up the CCG again? We do that all the time! Leader’s unexpected existence of a love life is way more interesting!”

“It’s quite fascinating, the relationship between a ghoul and an investigator. Truly poetic. I’d like to listen to more.” Yusuke’s voice was wistful, as he closed his eyes. Probably imagining a piece of Ren and Goro in their “most natural states”.

Ren sighed. He knew he’d definitely be grilled into talking about it. “We’re together, as in, in a relationship. We both like each other a lot. I don’t know how good of a decision it is to pursue this, but it’s what I knew I wouldn’t regret. That’s all,” Ren explained in almost a single breath.

Yusuke seemed very interested, but his eyes were no longer focused on the present or reality. He was probably already planning some avant-garde level piece in his head, his hand moving rather rapidly on his sketchbook, definitely drawing something that wasn’t the birds.

Futaba grinned at him, three-quarters evil and one-quarter relieved. “I’m happy for you, big bro!” 

Ren rolled his eyes. “The ducks are gonna eat your toes if you keep talking more than feeding!”

Despite putting on a bit of resistance, Ren still smiled shyly to himself when Futaba really turned her attention to the now-angry paddling of ducks, and twisted a tuft of hair on his head between his fingers. 

Yusuke was getting the bottoms of his pants torn to shreds by beaks, but he didn’t seem to mind, absentmindedly drawing.

Ren kept feeding the ducks, wondering when would be the best time to make the news completely public.

-

“Help me out,” Ren requested as he packed all kinds of bottles and medicinal items into a bag. It was all the resources he had procured previously for the mission tonight.

Goro shuffled closer, eyeing the bottles suspiciously, but then proceeded to help Ren cram them into the bag anyways. His heart was racing in his chest, not out of fear but anxiety. It wasn’t like he’d never been on a mission like this, he was far from an amatuer. But...

As he was stuffing the last of the bottles into the surprisingly-spacious bag, Ren stopped his hand midway. 

“You don’t need to be nervous.” 

It was just like Ren to read him so easily. “I’m not,” Goro lied through his teeth.

“You’re strong; they’ll be able to see that. I’m sure they’ll judge you and your abilities fairly.”

Goro tried to dig his thumb into the side of his index finger. but Ren’s hand that he’d forgotten was there to intercept him.

Goro gave up on keeping up the tough act and sighed. “It feels less like a mission and more like a job interview.”

Which was not to say it wasn’t just that, it kind of functioned the same.

“You’ll do great.” Ren smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind Goro’s ear, making Goro instinctively lean into that hand. “I know you will.”

Ren had what Goro now recognized as a hopelessly infatuated look as he pulled him into a chaste kiss. Goro sighed, pressed against him. 

It was just their luck, however, that that was the exact moment Sakamoto decided to walk in, followed by Futaba and Kitagawa. Futaba waved happily, wearing a simple hood and carrying sci-fi-like goggles. The other two were carrying masks as well, a skeleton mask and a traditional kitsune mask. How cute, they played dress-up, too. 

“My apologies if we’re early,” Kitagawa said. “Futaba recommended helping Akechi with preparation.”

Goro huffed. “I’ve done this type of thing before. If anything, you should be taking my advice.”

Sakamoto rolled his eyes. “Would it kill you to just say ‘okay’? Anyway,” he turned to Ren, “you got everything?”

“Yeah. As long as we stick to the plan, we’ll be fine.”

After a few moments, the rest of the thieves began to filter in, all wearing different masks. From what Goro understood, masks were a large part of ghoul culture, a means to hide themselves from the world and make a statement. But he knew most ghoul groups usually designed their masks under a certain theme. Between Ren’s white mask, Ann’s cat mask, and Makoto’s metal mask, Goro couldn’t find one. That, and they were all strangely dressed. Unlike the hoods he and Ren wore on their hunts, everyone was dressed more… strangely. Dark clothing with small points of personalization. Sakamoto wore a red scarf, Makoto wore spikes, and Okumura wore a hat. 

Maybe calling it dress up was more accurate than he thought. 

Makoto threw them all into her van, making sure Ren and Goro sat in different rows. The drive was rather lively, something Goro wasn’t expecting. During the raids he had seen, the rides were quiet, almost deathly so. Young investigators who were scared of that night being their last, most asking Intel to make edits to the wills they were always required to write. But the Phantom Thieves had a strange air of confidence, like their failure wasn’t even a possibility. 

Makoto parked several blocks away from the location, hidden in an alley. The rest of the thieves filed out of the van to the reminders to be careful and safe above all else from their designated driver.

“Give me the signal when you’re ready,” Makoto instructed. “Good luck.”

They all separated into their pre-planned subgroups: Ryuji and Haru to handle the lackeys on the lower floors, Ann and Yusuke to make sure no one escaped, Morgana to scout the surroundings, and finally, Goro and Ren were tasked with immediately heading for the rooftop to deal with Lion himself.

Goro was naturally agile and was perched on the ledge waiting in no time. Ren sat next to him, watching Goro check his gun and knife. 

“You know, this mask doesn’t suit you at all,” Ren mused.

Goro bristled, a tiny bit offended. “I don’t see what’s wrong with it.”

“I’m commissioning Yusuke to make you a new one. We’re gonna have to do something about a battle suit, too. Can't be too practical to keep washing hoodies.”

“You have a point,” Goro acquiesced. Just as he was about to say something else, he heard frantic steps ascending the stairs. Ren naturally noticed as well and gave him a nod. Goro nodded back and stood, shaking out his hand a few times. 

Ren stood too, but was nonchalantly adjusting his glove, as if he were getting ready to deal with a minor inconvenience.

The second the door opened, Goro charged, knife gripped tightly in his hands. His eyes darted to the faces of the people he could see from the small opening of the door, immediately landing on a very conspicuous one in the middle donning a lion mask. 

Having found his target, Goro messily cut his way through the guards and went for the ghoul’s neck.

Lion was fast, however, and dodged narrowly.

Ren, behind him, swiftly dealt with the aftermath of Goro’s messy slashing, opting instead for a clean hole in each guard’s head, effectively killing them. 

Goro’s eyes were zeroed on Lion’s vital points, so he paid the dying screams no mind. 

Lion wasted no time; after seeing the situation, he immediately took out his kagune, an ukaku type, the appendages protruding from his back giving the onlooker the illusion of the ghoul having a mane.

Goro pressed on, attacking nonstop while avoiding the projectiles Lion sometimes managed to send through Goro’s onslaught.

Ren was soon beside him too, so they quickly gained the upper hand, driving Lion to a corner where he could no longer evade. Goro quickly struck out with his knife to pin their target to the wall behind him. 

Lion screamed in pain, struggling to get up, but soon sagged and gave up. Instead of pleas for his life, however, there came jarring and sharp laughter. 

“Idiots! You’re IDIOTS! You think you’re so high and mighty, Joker.” Lion spat out the name like it was poison. Goro was unimpressed and twisted the knife pinning Lion to the wall in a bout of pettiness, making the ghoul scream again and effectively interrupting his embarrassing villainous monologuing. 

It seemed like even this wouldn’t stop a person who hired lackeys to talk him up from talking some more, though, and the monologue continued.

“I expected all of this! This is all within the scope of my plan. It’s over for you, Phantom Thieves! This was a trap you’ll never be able to walk out of alive!”

Just as he was finished talking, Goro sensed a movement and turned around. 

It was an ambush.

They had been surrounded by armed CCG investigators, with not a sliver of a gap to escape from. 

Good thing they weren’t planning to escape.

“Do you think you're the only person who can have things go just as planned?” Goro sneered. 

Goro pushed the knife deeper, ensuring this little nuisance had no way to pull it out or escape. 

Ren had already proceeded with their role in the plan, successfully holding the investigators back. He turned to Goro with a serious look in his eyes. “Spare them,” he commanded. 

There weren’t any high ranked investigators, but many low ranked investigators were still tricky to deal with. They were fodder as far as the higher-ups were concerned, meant to tire out ghouls until higher ranks finished them off. 

Goro had no doubts that investigators agreeing to go on this mission weren’t anyone with pure intentions. Joining forces with gluttonous ghouls and letting them kill many and terrorize the ward, just for some bounty reward for finding Joker or a Phantom Thief. Absolutely despicable. 

Goro still had enough remorse to not take out his gun. He tried to spare, still, because one could never know how someone might have been put in this situation. Additionally, Goro didn’t have a hobby of killing needlessly.

He helped Ren knock out as many as they could, using only his fists or legs. 

They managed to keep them down successfully until the plan was set into motion. They heard tires screech down below and two figures appeared suddenly, throwing several cans of gas. It was Futaba and Mona, who had been tasked with the escape.

With the field of vision completely obscured, Goro grabbed for Lion. They couldn’t let him escape, but couldn’t kill him yet, so he dragged him along as they got into the car.

The thieves were already sitting inside on towels Makoto had set beforehand, covered in blood that wasn’t their own. Sakamoto gave a high five to Ann in the front while Okumura was looking everyone over for injuries.

Ren seemed to glow with the feeling of victory, the sharp grin on his face growing as Goro threw Lion into the back and sat next to him. Goro held his gun between the ghoul’s eyes, holding the position as Ren asked. He knew Ren wouldn’t actually want the trigger pulled, but it kept their target in place for now. He couldn’t help but enjoy it, though. The feeling of unraveling a trap, gaining the upper hand, being in full control of the situation without having to report back to Shido later. 

Goro loved how he looked, the blood on Ren’s face, the excitement in his mismatched eyes. Unhinged and free, just the way he liked him. The face of a ghoul who owned a whole city, and who Goro was able to keep up with. “Good work, Joker. You wiped them out~” He could feel the grin in his own voice.

The thieves ignored their flirting mostly, other than an “ew” here or Futaba’s very eloquent “hey, we’re still on main!” there.

Makoto sped through the streets, caution thrown to the wind. That was why, when a figure suddenly intercepted them, standing still in the middle of the street, they all jolted harshly forward as Makoto slammed on the brakes.

Ren motioned for everyone to stay down and be careful, and moved to get out himself. Goro, of course, wouldn’t have that, and asked Ann to guard Lion as he followed Ren.

They were greeted by the sight of a man wearing a long white coat and carrying a suitcase.

A dove. 

It looked like the big fish had finally decided to show themselves.

As the investigator stalked forward and light started to illuminate the planes of his face, Goro immediately recognized it. He clenched his fist, jaw locking. 

“Inner circle,” Goro muttered, not even being able to afford taking his eyes off the man to look at Ren. He really did not expect for someone this high up to show up here. His knees felt a little weak. 

It wasn’t that he was scared of the man’s power. He could win in a fight against him, but the thought of someone so close to Shido finding out he was still alive, the idea that there was a possibility Shido might find out—

Goro took in a shaky breath. He could feel Ren’s gaze burning holes into the side of his face. 

“Crow.”

Goro’s vision was a little hazy, the corners blurring. 

“Crow.”

He didn’t know when, but Goro had taken out his gun at some point, his grip white around it. 

“Birdie, it’s okay.” Ren’s warm voice broke through Goro’s panic. “Even if he finds out, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Goro tried to even his breathing. “No, I’m— I’m not ready to face him yet. I—”

Before he could finish, Ren shoved him roughly to the side, helping him narrowly avoid a sharp quinque that had lunged his way. 

“It’s rude, to talk amongst yourselves while ignoring someone.” 

The voice was so familiar. This was an associate special class from Shido’s inner circle. He was important enough for Shido to allow him to commission Goro for his services.

“Crow!” Ren’s voice was urgent and Goro immediately snapped out of it, adrenaline rushing to his head and helping carry him through the panic. He started fighting almost entirely on muscle memory.

He knew he couldn’t win with bare hands, he needed his kagune to do this. This was part of the plan, one of their trump cards was to throw Lion’s entire plan off by ruining the estimated power level of the Phantom Thieves. 

But, his kagune would be a dead giveaway, he couldn’t, he couldn— 

“Birdie, you’re not alone anymore.”

Goro finally let his eyes move from the investigator and land on Ren for a brief moment, then the van where the thieves looked ready to jump out at the first opportunity. But, it was enough. 

It was enough.

He wasn’t alone anymore. He had Ren and the Phantom Thieves. He couldn’t face Shido yet, but the Phantom Thieves could. With a solid plan, no task was too daunting to them.

Goro finally stopped just avoiding and drew out his kagune. It was still a bit wobbly, but through training with Ren, he’d managed a more solid form. 

It just happened that as he took out his kagune, in a moment of distraction, a hit managed to scrape the side of his face. His mask went flying, but he was already ready for such a situation.

“... Akechi?”

Goro walked forward to a patch illuminated by light, putting his bare face on full display. 

“Well, this is sure unexpected. A hostage is how you ended up.” The investigator’s eyes were full of scorn, and the look of an opportunist when presented with a golden opportunity. Greed swirled disgustingly and plainly in his eyes.

Ren laughed mockingly beside him. “I’d say he was more of a hostage with a gun to his head at all times at your ‘just’ CCG.” 

Goro gave a light laugh to that. “Truly, I’ve never been freer than I am now.”

The investigator gave him an odd look, then tried to reason, “Director Shido would still be willing to take you back if you come back now. Stop this madness.”

It wasn’t like the investigator was trying to bring him back out of goodwill or worry for Goro, he just wanted to be in Shido’s possible good graces for returning one of his sharpest knives back to his arsenal. And even if his piece of shit father would take him back, he would still be a disposable asset with an expiration date. An expiration date that was very close. 

“I won’t go back,” Goro stated with conviction, attacks growing more sharp and vicious. “I’ll never go back!”

Combined with Ren’s deadly and precise force, even an associate special class was nothing. 

Their synergy was unmatched, attacks coming one after another, openings covered by the other, stray hits blocked for each other. Their force was something to reckon with, for sure.

Goro’s kagune landed a particularly forceful hit that sent the quinque flying and rendered the investigator defenseless. Before he could scramble for it or to run, Ren had already torn a hole through his leg. 

The investigator yelled in pain and struggled on the ground a bit as Ren’s sharp wing projectiles pinned him down. 

“Don’t kill him, not yet,” Goro said.

Ren raised an eyebrow. “Anything you want to ask? We already have Lion.”

They definitely couldn’t keep this one alive, because he’d already seen Goro. Goro had expressed that he wasn’t ready for that to get out and, like many of Goro’s words, Ren remembered. 

But that wasn’t the case anymore.

He wasn’t alone, he wasn’t scared. 

Goro tipped the investigator’s chin up with the tip of his shoe and looked down on him with derision. “Tell Shido this, I— no— we will put a stop to his deception and serve justice. We will take him down and will walk out of it as the winners. Justice will prevail no matter what.”

Ren came up beside him, giving the pathetic man another once-over before saying, “He’s mine, so he’s under my and the Phantom Thieves’ protection. Tell your boss to tread carefully.”

With that, they both walked back to the van, leaving him pinned down by the feathers and unable to move until someone found him.

They had already prepared an abandoned building beforehand where no one in the neighborhood would be able to hear Lion’s screams, up until he died. The others had opted to wait until they were done with him. It didn’t take long for them to get everything they needed out of his feeble mouth. How Shido had connections to several ghoul gangs, and how he offered them safety in return for their cooperation. An empty promise, Goro knew that for sure. Upon asking for the names of those groups, Lion fumbled, not knowing the answer. Great, so they’d have to look into that, too. 

“You have a lot of nerve to betray your people like that.” Ren’s words were calm. “All for what? More clearance to kill?”

Lion didn’t say anything, almost ashamed. 

“I loathe pitiful creatures like you.”

Ren was quick, his kagune dispatched one moment, and his hand bloodied with Lion’s heart the next. He held it up and examined it thoroughly, then sneered. 

He found him too pathetic to even eat his heart, opting to crush it instead. 

Ren pressed his finger to his earpiece, smiling. “Mission accomplished. We’re done here.”

—

Ann had tasked Goro with the tantalizing mission of distracting Ren while they prepared for his birthday party. Having postponed it this long, Ann would no longer listen to reason and still went along with the madness of hosting a party right after an exhausting mission.

Well, at least, it made his task easy. Suggesting a bath after missions wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary for Goro to do. Neither was Ren’s suspiciously keen approval. 

And so, one nice soak and a Ren insisting on washing Goro’s hair later, they’d made their way back to the cozy cafe. 

The bell jingled as Goro led Ren into the dimmed interior, hands still clasped securely together. Abruptly, the lights illuminated the lively scene— courtesy of Futaba who had been guarding the switch— and congratulatory shouts burst into the room. 

The smile that bloomed on Ren’s face was a rare one, appreciative and a little vulnerable. “Thank you so much you guys…”

“Dude you really thought we’d skip your birthday?”

“Got you completely bamboozled, didn’t we?” Ann was grinning mischievously.

Goro stood a bit to the side, the energy of the thieves a little too high for his comfort. Well, at least, that was the plan until he was pushed from behind hard enough that he almost crashed into Ren’s back. He directed a glare back to the culprit, but Futaba wasn’t phased. 

“This also doubles as your initiation party, Akechi. We need to save money! So stop hanging around corners and brooding,” she announced, making the rest turn their attention back to him.

Goro tried not to wither under the attention, he really did, but he still ended up averting his gaze as soon as it caught Okumura’s.

Naturally his gaze fell back to Ren, who was still full of smiles, and who had his hand extended towards him. And as if his body completely relied on muscle memory, Goro’s own hand accepted it. 

After many rounds of gifts were offered and even more food was piled up on the table and counter, things were quieting down. Makoto, who had disappeared at some point Goro couldn’t honestly say he’d noticed, came back with a little chocolate mousse cake adorned with a single red candle. 

The thieves disharmoniously sang while Goro opted to not showcase his less than talented vocal cords, even after Ann not so subtly nudged a hole into his side.

For some reason, while making his wishes, Ren’s eyes slit open and landed on Goro’s. If it made the detective’s heart flutter, no one had any business knowing. 

Goro had earlier claimed the seat right next to Ren’s, to the grievance of many, so now he dragged it even closer so that their knees touched. With his cheek resting on his hand, Goro amusedly stared at the rich chocolatey delight Ren was nursing.

“I thought you hated sweet things,” Goro teased.

Ren didn’t respond, instead raising the spoon to Goro’s mouth. Goro, not even thinking twice about how the gesture might be overly affectionate, accepted it.

The moment the dense chocolate hit his tongue Goro’s face twisted. 

Bitter! So fucking bitter.

Ren chuckled and said, “I do.”

The rest of the party thus passed without further commotion—save for Goro sampling every vaguely sweet dish to wash out the taste of the dark chocolate, along with Ryuji exposing Goro’s weakness to spice via a very evil takoyaki. 

After helping with the cleanup, everyone filtered out eventually, leaving only Ren and Goro behind.

The thieves exchanged a few looks amongst themselves when they saw that Ren had chosen to linger behind, but no one made any comments.

Wordlessly, Goro motioned for Ren to follow him to the attic. Ren raised his eyebrows and Goro ignored that.

“It’s not much, but I did prepare a present,” Goro blurted as Ren passed through the door frame. 

Goro picked up the bag he had stuffed into the back of his closet sometime yesterday. He’d secretly gone out with only Morgana as a chaperone while Ren was out with his friends yesterday to buy this.

“Not much?” Ren raised an eyebrow as Goro pushed the bag into his hands.

Goro had said it wasn’t much but that was clearly a lie given how nice the bag was. Goro might’ve taken a bit of pleasure splurging with his shithead father’s money on something he knew the old fart wouldn’t approve of.

Goro just smiled, a little mischievous. Ren laughed and took a peek into the bag, fishing out a small box.

With a smile, Ren opened the box, eyes landing directly on its contents and promptly widening a fraction.

“A ring?” The leader’s tone was a little funny, and filled with more than a little insinuation.

“No, I’m not proposing to you,” Goro cut Ren’s train of thought off concisely. 

Ren had the gall to look disappointed at that. Goro felt a little good about it. Even if they treated it as a joke for the time being, it was obvious they both thought of their relationship as something they wanted to maintain long-term.

“Then what’s the ring about?” Ren inquired as he took it out of the box to examine it. It was a very pretty ring, platinum with a piece of grey agate at the center. The closest shade of grey he could find to Ren’s eyes. 

“I was drawn to that stone.” As he was drawn to Ren. “I wanted to give you something you could keep for a long time.”

“I wear gloves, though.”

Goro thought it suited them even better, hiding something so plainly sentimental from the eyes of anyone other than themselves, when they were in the privacy of the attic and each other’s company. 

“Yeah,” Goro settled on, knowing Ren would catch his line of thought.

“Thank you,” Ren murmured, after a quiet pause where he slipped his gloves off and the ring on. “I love it.”

Ren’s hand intertwined itself with Goro’s, the ring a little cold against Goro’s palm. 

Goro hummed in reply, a little shy at the way his efforts were being praised.

“I honestly didn’t expect you to get me anything, let alone know,” Ren admitted while dragging Goro to the bed and into his arms. Ren’s cheek rested on Goro’s shoulder as he raised their intertwined hands to study them. The contrast between Ren’s textured, unnaturally-black hands next to Goro’s calloused long fingers was familiar. “I’m really happy.”

Goro frowned slightly. “Of course I knew. Morgana wouldn’t shut up about it.”

Ren chuckled, and they sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. “You know, my dad was always a cold man. He never paid attention to frivolous things such as celebrating birthdays.” It was rare for Ren to readily open up like this, so Goro nodded, soaking in all the information Ren allowed him. “When my birthday did roll around, he usually gave me a coloring book or a plush toy, something small. My mom was usually the one who spoiled me.”

“It sounds nice....”

“It was… but I know they were always fighting. As much of a ‘miracle’ my birth was, it just drove them apart.”

“Do you blame yourself?” Goro found himself asking.

Ren shrugged. “I can’t help but think about it. If they hadn’t split, dad would still be alive, but Sojiro wouldn’t have taken me in, and I wouldn’t be here now.” He turned to Goro with a warm smile. “I guess it was worth it.”

He pressed a soft kiss to Goro’s forehead, and sighed. “Thank you. I guess the real work starts tomorrow.”

“Right, getting me to be buddy-buddy with the others.”

“You had fun tonight; I guess my birthday wish is that it stays that way.”

Goro scoffed a laugh. “How cheesy.”

“Well, I’m a cheesy guy.” Ren laid down on the bed with a bright smile on his face. Different from the one laced with bloodlust.

Goro smiled back at him. “I’m glad you were born, Ren. Sleep well.”

Ren was taken aback by the statement for a moment, then he relaxed. “You too, Goro.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i blame google docs for not working and genshin impact for the delay. I hope you all enjoyed


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